Did Charles Johnson Help Save a Marriage?

The answer is NO.

Charles Johnson never saved anything, including his credibility, self-respect and his own blog. Almost six years ago he beclowned himself in defense of Rep. Anthony Weiner, and we all know how that turned out.

Recent reports suggest that Weiner‘s proxy wife Huma Abedinis working hard” to get them back together, now that the political heat is off. I suspect that her husband of convenience is doing the *ahem* same.

Meanwhile, Charles’ original Tweet is still functioning, unlike his neocortex.

Yeah, that classic deserves many more retweets than it’s received. Now about that dated avatar, Charles…

[h/t Chen Zhen for preserving the twitterlinky and stuff.]


How to Art

A lot of things have changed in The Swamp, besides a fatter logo, new formatting flaws and floods of adware, so I put on the dumpster diving suit and decided to have a look at The New Little Green Footballs.

In years past, Diary of Daedalus could find easy fodder for new posts just by eyeballing the downdings, but those days are gone. It’s rare to find a comment with a red negative, and that means that either Charles Johnson is squelching them or  he’s finally achieved homogeneity. (For you wags who think I just called him a homo, I didn’t as far as you know.)

So here’s an offensive post that earned ONE downding:

Yeah. Downdinged for calling Kim Jong Imbecile’s reprehensible excuse for a government as “The NORKS.” I wonder who downdinged it. On the other hand, updings are up. Here’s the top one:

If you squint, it looks like a blue frog with fire coming out of its eyes. I don’t know who this innocent is, but she’s got a ways to go with artistry and composition, so I’ll try to help out. Here’s the first rule:

As for cropping, I added wider tape for the borders as requested. I don’t see a problem with what she did, but again, I’m willing to help, with virtual duct tape.

Next, let’s do something simple. Let’s put a suit and tie on it.

Now you have something to sell to the effete aficionados and it’s hella better than that screaming blue and orange garbage we started out with. Chop it down and dress it up. That’s how you art.

The first lesson is free, Charles.


Yeah, Charles. We noticed. BFD.

First he was like,

Now he’s like,

What a great improvement. Charles, you’re a graphic genius. Now update your gravitar from 2002 and we might stop the mockery.

Or not.


Did Charles Johnson Have Unauthorized Conversations With Vladimir Putin?

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Putin’s a Red,
Obama’s a tool;
Johnson is merely
a Twitterverse fool.


Confidential to @Green_Footballs Johnson: Stop doing this.

cheetos-chairThe Cheeto Chair:  Results Of Eating 1 Bag Of Cheetos Every Day For Years And Wiping Hand On Seat. Yes, That Is Mold.


Tech Breakthrough at LGF

Little Green Footballs is at the cutting edge of website design. World renown web designer, Charles Johnson announces another technological achievement that will leave his rivals in awe!

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I am sure Apple and other Tech giants will be banging on Charles’ door!

 


Charles Johnson’s Magical Jazzy Science Fail

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Whoa. That’s some heavy-duty non-scientific speculation there, Charles. Anthropogenic Global Warming and subsequent catastrophe will be triggered by a political party in the U.S.? The GOP has that power? Awesome.

Charles, if all the icebergs and sea ice melted, sea levels would remain the same due to displacement, so they don’t count. Since water freezes and melts at 32 degrees Foster, polar temps would need to exceed that point and stay there for thousands of years before enough land ice runoff trickled into the oceans and put Culver City under water. If that happens, most habitable regions of the globe will turn into Papa John’s Pizza ovens with no delivery available… hundreds of years from now. Maybe.

Kind of a long shot there, Charles, since Mr. Sun appears to be in a cooling phase, and he’s the one truly responsible for global climate change, along with the GOP.

But there’s another factor involved. Plate tectonics cause land masses to rise, sink, bend, warp, bulge, tilt and shift. Magma is plastic and has nothing to do with AGW, yet it contributes to the rise and fall of sea levels. Another cause of flooding is coastal erosion, much like what we’re witnessing in real time in Charles Johnson’s brain function. Others have noted the erosion as well:

[BREAKING NEWS: CANADA AND MEXICO ARE GOING TO BE UNDERWATER AFTER TRUMP’S INAUGURATION. FILM AT NEVER.]

And so it goes. Charles, you’re a mess.

[h/t @coopernumpy]