Meanwhile there have been some requests to repost LGF oldies, so since it’s Saturday Night, let’s rip it up and tear it up. From July 2007, here’s an LGF post about an obnoxious girl with bigger balls than Charles has.
Okay, Charles. You gonna walk back that Wonkette attack, or you gonna eat what she scrapes off her bathroom floor?
Oh, the entertainment that Charles Johnson has provided us over the years! Courtesy of CroMagnon, our collection of .gif animations has expanded, and for you twittermockers, we’ve posted them individually below for the easy cut-n-paste-click-n-mock. When he calls you a stalker, play the mocker.
Just remember that Charles loves you, even if he’s incapable of uttering the words.
[Related ChuckMock fodder here.]
A nervous young white boy somehow made the cut to play funk rhythm guitar in George Duke’s band in the late 70s. Were there racial overtones in the session? Yes. Were the band members racist? Doubt it. The impromptu lineup includes:
George Duke – keyboards, vocals
Leon ‘Ndugu’ Chancler – drums
Sheila E – drums/percussion
Charles ‘Icarus’ Johnson – guitar
Vocalists – unconfirmed
George Duke narrating: “I would not have attempted this song without the soul members of the band.”
GD to recording engineer: “Okay. Gary, you ready?”
LC: “Okay, it’s Howdy Doody Time, baby!”
[LC’s Drum intro]
GD to CJ: “C’mon, Barry!”
[Song stopped abruptly by LC]
GD: “Wait a minute, I think we oughta change the guitar lick – a little bit. Whaddya think. [laughter] Heheh, Yeah? Naw it ain’t nothin’, ain’t nothin’. Who you playin’? Wait a minute, Barry, who you playin’?”
CJ: “I’m playin’ like a…”
[Charles plays new lick]
LC: “Goin’ surfin’ baby! Here we go!”
GD: “What about another lick. Try out something else. You wanna try it with me? Try it before we get back in the band. Okay, one, two, three, four…”
I found the video clip amusing (Funk 101 lesson happens in the first couple of minutes).
[Update: Original link was deleted, so Jump to 00:02:50]
At 05:00 Charles eyeballs the camera, then photobombs a group shot:
Charles, were it not for you claiming to be a close friend of the late George Duke, it’s doubful that we’d have bothered much about it, but since you did, you owe your fans some stories. Did they let you ride in the same bus? Did you get to drive it? Did you hit on Sheila E? Is that why you got the boot? Or were there too many little green speedballs involved?
Inquiring minds don’t give a crap either way, so you might as well fess up.
Let’s talk about statistics. Better yet, let’s show them.
We decided to compare Charles Johnson’s “Little Green Footballs” with another blog, and chose one named “Atlas Shrugs” completely arbitrarily. It is a news aggregator blog similar to that of Charles Johnson‘s, written and managed by a woman named Pamela Geller. Given that Charles Johnson is practically a house-holed name, we decided to compare traffic stats between LGF and a relatively unknown blogger. We plugged both URLs into The Alexa Machine and saw this:
Interesting. So then we thought to delve further, and check out what kind of people visit Little Green Footballs. This time the results were not so surprising:
Huh. A bunch of older uneducated unmarried couch-bound guys are fans of Little Green Footballs. That’s an odd niche, and it’s no wonder the traffic is well below average for a blog of that age and type. So then we wondered what the valuation of such a blog might be, so we used a free online calculator.
Okay, you can stop snickering now. That number is not credible. The real number is closer to $10k, assuming someone is willing to pay that much for a hole in the ground. Oh, and Charles, there’s this: $315 Million.
Okay, let’s look at that arbitrary round number in a minute. The very first comment on that inane waste of bandwidth was posted by the brave little green mountain lion himself, who boldly snurped at the figure.
Dork_F came out with some lucid smack, yet he weenied out as the resulting hive-mind dogpile downding frenzy reamed him a new Gus for even questioning the questionable 3.5 x 10k propaganda number.
However, the author of that promoted page, Loyal Lizard-Lapper Randall Gross, linked to USA Today, that linked to Bill McKibben, founder of 350.org.
“This was the biggest climate change rally in U.S. history,” said rally organizer Bill McKibben. “By our count, 50,000 people gathered by the Washington Monument and then marched past the White House, demanding that the President do more than pay lip service to what one speaker called “the climate crisis.”
Google him/them if you wish, but meanwhile Anthony Watts takes the number down to about 5,ooo cold and wet protesters.
So here we go. If five thousand people can be erroneously estimated to be 50k, then maybe Watts’ number is mistaken as well, and there were only 500 people. Perhaps fewer. With such huge margins of error, we suspect that the Protest for Action looked more like this:
Race is everything to Charles and he inserts it into every conversation. Paul Ryan recently warned Republicans that Obama was demonizing them and not to fall into his traps. Charles claims that Paul is implying “to watch out for that black man in the White House.” How he draws this conclusion is why he’s the race detective.
Paul Ryan has now been declared a racist. Only the Race Detective has the ability to read people’s minds!
[Updated with .gif of the 2012 Biden/Raddatz vs. Ryan veep debate.]