Charles Johnson’s 2011 Independence Day Salmon Barbecue

Took a quick wade through The Swamp this afternoon, and there’s no “traditional July 4th open thread,” so let’s set The WayBack Machine to the Year of Our Lord 2011 and see what Our Hero was talking about.

Who’s up for some BBQ?

Marinate it overnight, then slather it in Barbie Sauce and throw it on the grill.  Better yet, get someone else to cook it up for you, Charles, because you don’t barbecue fish.

Read the rest of this entry »


The Magical Jazzy Twitterverse of Charles Foster Johnson

A commenter downstairs opined that Charles Johnson’s reported 37.7k Twitter followers are mostly bots, so we decided to look into it. The results so far: I don’t know Babs, but I do know this. As of January 2013 9.5% were fake according to TwitterAudit.


To run a current survey we’d need to sample and vet 200 random Twitter followers just to get a margin of error of about ±7%. Nah, I’ll pass on that drudgery. Then there’s this.

FollowerWonk compares the stats of different Twitter accounts and messes with them a bit. I took her for a free ride, plugged in @green_footballs and @gus_802 and got this:

The colors have been changed to green for Johnson, blue for Gusano; the data has not been altered. Meanwhile, Johnson’s original Twitter account, @lizardoid is still active, but was scraped of all tweets and responses. I wonder why…

Note that the @lizardoid account still has 11 followers. Hey Charles! Who are you sending DMs to via this account, and why? Who do you think you’re fooling? LMAO.


Alexa Talks About Little Green Footballs

Once in a while it’s kinda fun to see how Charles Johnson’s Little Green Footballs stats are doing, and Alexa turned up an interesting aberration in the decline.


The image above has been chopped and channeled and lowered and louvered for clarity (and a little bit of ventilation) but the graphs and data from Alexa are sound and legit as of 1 May 2017.

What happened in January likely had to do with the Presidential Inauguration, as a lot of people (including me) wanted to watch Charles Johnson’s meltdown, but the views should have dropped off shortly after. Then there’s that bizarre spike mid-February, and it took until late April for the LGF Decline to resume. Johnson has fudged his view stats in the past, so perhaps he got caught at it again and was busted by an extraneous algorithm. Search engines don’t give him much traffic as he’s got little original content and he’s got most bot crawlers blocked. Not only that, but LGF hasn’t been a “news aggregator site” for years, because these days it’s all about “clickbait.” Here’s the kicker:

95 percent of all websites load faster than Johnson’s Little Green Footballs.

Nice work, Charles.


Should we hug them or make them eat worms? Charles Johnson thinks jihadis need hugs.

Wow. Now Charles Johnson is going after The Gray Lady, aka, The New York Times. Never mind that the NYT states the obvious, that people all over the world are fed up with squishy politicos who allow islamic terrorism to proliferate by rolling their eyes and saying “Can’t we all just get along?” or “We’re all for diversity, no matter the cost,” or more often, “Fuck it. We’re caving.”

Terrorists are essentially cowards, yet they’re still dangerous. The political left seems to think that giving them RC Cola and Little Debbie snack cakes will get them to the poker table, while the political right knows that an enemy won’t negotiate until he’s shoved face down into the sandbox and forced to eat worms.

So, Charles. Would you rather hug a jihadist or make him eat worms? If you’d rather pass on embarrassing yourself, we’ll provide one or more of your archived answers and repost them for you.

[h/t dezes157 & this.]


Did Charles Johnson Help Save a Marriage?

The answer is NO.

Charles Johnson never saved anything, including his credibility, self-respect and his own blog. Almost six years ago he beclowned himself in defense of Rep. Anthony Weiner, and we all know how that turned out.

Recent reports suggest that Weiner‘s proxy wife Huma Abedinis working hard” to get them back together, now that the political heat is off. I suspect that her husband of convenience is doing the *ahem* same.

Meanwhile, Charles’ original Tweet is still functioning, unlike his neocortex.

Yeah, that classic deserves many more retweets than it’s received. Now about that dated avatar, Charles…

[h/t Chen Zhen for preserving the twitterlinky and stuff.]


How to Art

A lot of things have changed in The Swamp, besides a fatter logo, new formatting flaws and floods of adware, so I put on the dumpster diving suit and decided to have a look at The New Little Green Footballs.

In years past, Diary of Daedalus could find easy fodder for new posts just by eyeballing the downdings, but those days are gone. It’s rare to find a comment with a red negative, and that means that either Charles Johnson is squelching them or  he’s finally achieved homogeneity. (For you wags who think I just called him a homo, I didn’t as far as you know.)

So here’s an offensive post that earned ONE downding:

Yeah. Downdinged for calling Kim Jong Imbecile’s reprehensible excuse for a government as “The NORKS.” I wonder who downdinged it. On the other hand, updings are up. Here’s the top one:

If you squint, it looks like a blue frog with fire coming out of its eyes. I don’t know who this innocent is, but she’s got a ways to go with artistry and composition, so I’ll try to help out. Here’s the first rule:

As for cropping, I added wider tape for the borders as requested. I don’t see a problem with what she did, but again, I’m willing to help, with virtual duct tape.

Next, let’s do something simple. Let’s put a suit and tie on it.

Now you have something to sell to the effete aficionados and it’s hella better than that screaming blue and orange garbage we started out with. Chop it down and dress it up. That’s how you art.

The first lesson is free, Charles.


“Nobody’s Retweeting Me!” – Charles Johnson

hit-the-tweet-bowl

Recently, Charles Johnson added a new blogclogging feature to Little Green Footballs, and apparently the intended results haven’t born fruit. The purpose is to allow the Lizard Lappers to spam Twitter with unfounded inanities in order to appear to be a larger number of imbeciles than they actually are. It’s an automated form of stealth astroturfing.

Well, Charles, we can play the same game. For every Tweet you post, we can post a Tweet that refutes your assertion that an AirCav hat is part of the uniform of the Confederate States of America. We may post a picture of a menuboard, or the State Flag of Tennessee, or your specious claim that Anthony “Carlos Danger” Weiner’s throbbing .jpeg was actually your own. Perhaps we may post something else, so that everyone reads your racist screed against Oliver Willis and your well deserved smackdown. Maybe we’ll just post something innocuous and innocent from Little Green Footballs, like this:

racism

“Rural America can go fuck themselves.” That pretty much sums up Charles Johnson’s Little Green Hate Site these days.