A Hearty Welcome to all BlogMockers, Stalkers, TwitterWarriors, Chuckleophiles, Current & Former Lizards and Esteemed Fellows of The Diary of Daedalus! Grab a brew and a big bowl of Cheetos’ cause it’s time for
The Annual LGF Awards!
Pickin’s were slim for Stupor Bowl 2014. Charles Johnson’s website Little Green Footballs has become a homogenous mix of like-minded vaporbrains, answering the right questions with the wrong answers while patting their fuzzy pockmarked behinds with congratulatory updings. This year’s Award Nominees and Poll Results turned up some surprises, so without further adieu, here are the recipients of The 2014 LGF Awards.
Previous winners of The Buzzsaw Award for intrepid flounce-worthy snarkage were:
2013 – Killgore Trout
2012 – Rightwing_2 aka MF Horn
2011 – No Awards. Fire in the Boiler Room
2010 – Cato “Do It Now” The Elder
The 2014 Buzzsaw Award is hereby presented to Killgore Trout.
Killgore Trout (Recipient of the 2013 Buzzsaw Award) received a whopping 52% of the vote this time around. He’s best known for his dishonest astroturfing of right wing websites in order to gain favor with Charles Johnson, and it worked for a while. Killgore lost his crown due to LGF hive attacks (orchestrated by Iceweasel & Jimmah), his penchant for non-conformity and general contrarian positions on LGF, and especially for his unwavering support for the State of Israel.
THE IRISH ROSE
Previous winners of The Irish Rose Award for salivating suckage:
2013 – Gus_802
2012 – Dark Falcon
2011 – No Awards. Fire in the Boiler Room
2010 – Dark Falcon
The 2014 Irish Rose Award is hereby presented to Stabby
The Irish Rose is not one that most recipients cherish. It acknowledges drooling unrequited love and adulation of Charles Foster Johnson and is reserved for those sycophantic little lizard lappers who remain in good standing at Little Green Footballs by stroking the Big Green Donkey Charles. Many assumed that El Gusano would win again this year, but it wasn’t in the cards for the Argentinian anti-American pro-jihad Johnson-catching Jew hater.
To his credit, Stabby had the cojones (unlike other LGF patrons like Gus_802 or Dark Falcon) to venture past the confines of The Swamp and opine at Diary of Daedalus, and therefore deserves the Award. (We’ve hosed off and disinfected Gus’ stained and encrusted throne, so shut up and have a seat.)
No one ever doubts who’s going to win The Johnson Award because there are so few 60+ year old guitarist bloggers with magical jazzy ponytails who qualify.
Here’s the vote breakdown. G’head. Click it, Charles.
2013 – Robert Stacy McCain
2012 – Andrew Breitbart (awarded posthumously)
Of all the LGF Awards, this one is perhaps the most auspicious (Charles pronounces the word “ouse-picky-use”) because it involves those who smack down The Corpulent Blogger with intelligence, logic, clever wit and humor.
Nick Searcy [@YesNickSearcy] won with 32% of the vote for his concise and effortless Twitter smackdowns of Charles [@Green_Footballs] Johnson’s kikmidog-style of ankle biting, and demonstrated the heart, soul, snark and wit required of all recipients of This Award. Therefore
Without disparaging Mr. Searcy’s entertaining and invaluable contributions, he never endured the vile barrage that Charles Johnson and his Little Green Flying Monkeys unleashed on Mandy [@Liberty_Chick] Nagy. While coping with Lupus Disease, Mandy suffered a massive stroke last fall, leaving her seriously crippled, both physically and mentally, and Charles Foster Johnson sent NO condolences.
Honorable Mention: Mandy Nagy
Kudos to all who participated in This Poll, and thanks also to The Corpulent One, whose hyperbolic bloviation and juvenile attention-whoring idiocy has provided us so much inane entertainment over the years.
Charles, PLEASE keep up the stupid. Were it not for your massive ego, your unjustified backstabbing of benefactors and supporters, and your dearth of coherent logic, we wouldn’t be sitting behind you at the Matinee kicking your chair, spitting Milk Duds down your shirt collar and betting on how many wet jujubes your magical jazzy ponytail can hold before they start dropping into your plumber’s crack. Thank you, Charles.
The polls are closed, everyone’s been disenfranchised, and it’s time to announce the results. Grab a beer or another adult beverage of your choice with a fistful of cake and enjoy Our Gala Event.
Nominees for The 2013 LGF Awards were difficult to select, as Little Green Footballs, once a bright beacon of sentience in a disturbed world, is now a dim yellow porch light that even the moths make fun of.
Charles Johnson is now a big-boned petulant parody of himself, a wide pantload on the internet highway, and he’s succeeded in relegating and reducing his cut ‘n paste “News Aggregator” website to a slow-loading advertisement for Amazon subscription services featuring MediaMatters retreads. Even the most deranged and entertaining liberal lizards (like LVQ) wandered from The Swamp out of sheer boredom, leaving behind a homogeneous self-reinforced gaggle of little green pea brains with the average mental acuity approximately equal to the value ratio of Malawian Kwachas to U.S. dollars.
So let’s roll out the faded green Cheetos-encrusted ‘Dew-stained carpet and welcome the winners of The 2013 LGF Awards.
Prior winners of The Buzzsaw Award for intrepid flounce-worthy snarkage were:
2012 – Rightwing_2 aka MF Horn
2011 – No Awards. Fire in the Boiler Room, archives preserved. Internet Septic Tank Engineer chews up paper copies for security reasons and flees to Bolivia with couch cushions. The BRC destroys sensitive records, saves foosball table and keg chiller.
2010 – Cato “Do It Now” The Elder
This year, due to a dearth of Proper Flounces, we expanded the category of nominees to include those who, while preserving their coveted membership at LGF, provided just the right amount of contrarian snark. The Winner of the 2013 Buzzsaw goes to
Yeah, THAT Killgore Trout, once a fawning sycophant, known across the internet for his infamous racist Midnight Run smear, backstabbed by LGF monitor lizards Iceweasel & Jimmah, Killgore garnered a mere 23 percent of the DoD popular vote, more than enough for the win, given that the 2nd slot was won by no one at all. No one came in at 21%, followed by the snarkage of “not_sure” at 19%. Good goin’, douche, your dreams have come true.
THE IRISH ROSE
Some great suckups won The Irish Rose Award in past years whether they liked it or not, including Dark Falcon (2012) and Dark Falcon (2010). In our recent poll, Dark Falcon was unexpectedly unseated. Alouette, aka Viscious Babushka, gave the winner a run for his *ahem* money, yet even she didn’t make the cut, and Curious Lurker wasn’t even nominated (sorry Furious Burka).
Therefore, The 2013 Irish Rose Award goes instead to Mr. Pitiful, Nowhere Man, Mister Morose, Debbie Downer’s Male Counterpart, He Who Blames Everyone But Himself For His Own Troubles That He Broadcasts To The World Via Twitter & Little Green Footballs, and The Sultan Of Suckage:
Congratulations, Gus. We love ya, man.
Yeah, Charles won it again. At 1:1 odds, at least you didn’t lose any money on the bet, even if you didn’t count on this moronic TwitterFail:
The Top Ten Most Popular Posts on Diary of Daedalus for 2013.
10. The Little Green Footballs User’s Guide
9. I just can’t even.
8. Another Grim Milestone for LGF: 16000+ Banned
7. Introducing the CHUCKMEME
6. Another Blow for Charles Johnson’s credibility
5. Charles Johnson Defends Anjem Choudary
4. Rebel Without A Clue: Alouette Takes On #TGDN
3. Charles “Burner” Johnson Settles It
2. LGF By The Numbers: Pick ‘em and flick ‘em
1. “We have the coolest first lady ever. Just… holy shit.”
Since we’re in retrospective mode, on Monday, 20 May 2013 at 8:59:52AM Pacific Standard Time, Little Green Footballs’ 10,000,000th comment appeared and was promptly deleted. Why? Because the BRC counts and Charles Johnson doesn’t.
The Milyo Award is a recent addition intended to recognize those who participated in the mockery of Charles Johnson above and beyond the call of doody outside the realm of Diary of Daedalus. The obvious contender in 2012 had no close competition, so The 2012 Milyo was awarded, posthumously, to Andrew Breitbart (1969-2012).
In 2013, there were very few players who took precious minutes out of their daily schedule to occasionally mock Icarus, Barry, The Big Guy, The Corpulent One, The Magical Jazzy Ponytail for his blatant propaganda, personal smears, and astounding ignorance of junior-high-level history. There is one who still remembers the character assassinations, the underhanded allegiances, and the general rumpswabbery of Charles “Fuckface” Johnson, and who was more than willing to contribute to the laughter.
The 2013 Milyo is hereby awarded to
Thanks to all for playing, and remember, Charles, we’re not laughing with you. We’re laughing with all those who are still laughing at you. Keep up the good work. Kudos go to Daedalus – and the Mothership.
This is Part 4 of a monograph about a blog named Little Green Footballs and its founder Charles Foster Johnson. Click the links below for related posts. They will be updated as the series continues.
Part 1 – Overview
Part 2 – The Ascendance of Charles Johnson and LGF
Part 3 – The Bannings
Part 4 – The Flounces
Part 5 – The Turnaround
Part 6 – Current Events & The Future Of LGF
Bonus track: Revisiting Rathergate
PART 4 – THE FLOUNCES
In contrast to The Bannings, there were many who saw the writing on the wall at Little Green Footballs. Rather than wait for Charles Johnson’s own sock puppet “Stinky Beaumont” to fetch the banning stick, they decided to leave voluntarily. Most just walked away quietly, but there were many who wanted to have one last word before they left. These comments were referred to as “flounces.”
The record of “flounces” is sparse, as once a member of Little Green Footballs announced that he/she was leaving, Johnson would delete the comment, often within seconds, depriving other lizards and the public from reading the complaint. Once a lizard “flounced” he/she was no longer welcome, and was mocked by the remaining hive of LGF supporters. No matter how popular or prolific the “flouncer” had been at LGF, he/she was instantly demonized and smeared as someone who shouldn’t have been allowed to post in the first place.
I’m sure most of our DoD regulars and Loozard lurkers will remember this classic exchange:
I’m bringing this up again because the Engineers here in the Boiler Room have been working on a project for an upcoming thread, and while we were pokin’ around in the tanks we stumbled upon some pretty interesting stuff. We can finally say that it turns out that ol’ Cato was pretty spot-on in his assessment…
It was pretty simple: I had Engineer No. 5 tabulate the number of front page LGF threads of recent vintage, break the totals down by month, and then put them into a graph. Like I said, we were going to save this as part of a larger upcoming project, but I decided to post it up separately since it tells a story all by itself:
Yep, you’re reading that right: The amount of front page content steadily decreased to about half of what it was just a few years ago. Consider then the aforementioned (and nearly mirror-image) decline in comment participation and new account registrations, and what you’re seeing is a picture of a dying blog.
But what’s killing it? Well, we might have a theory on that. Stay tuned…
Update: I updated the graph to reflect when that $10/mo. subscription went into effect (about 10 days prior to Cato’s comment above), for extra perspective.
Last month during Walter’s infamous Email Dump a lot of lizards got jumpy and nervous, and a comment caught our eye. It reasserts what many of us have suspected and speculated upon for a long time.
Is that proof of a backstabbing cabal on the Little Putting Green of the Blogosphere? No, it’s just hearsay, at least so far. The person who wrote the comment declined to divulge his source in order to protect the privacy of that source, who is apparently a lizard in good standing. We respect that.
The lizards claim they don’t read here, but it sure seems like they do, because a few days later we noticed this:
We don’t care because we like proof. Meanwhile, we received some unrelated Twitter messages today from a lizard, meant for another lizard, that was sent to us by accident. Shit happens, and we won’t divulge that lizard’s nic either.
[somewhat NSFW audio]
Just in case the vid goes Johnson, we preserved the important part.
[Update: They don’t read here, but we back up vids, too. Here it is.]
Jimmah and asswhistle don’t undermine other lizards, huh.
Bonus: Note the single comment below the vid:
“LOL. What did he do now?”
Neddhartha is none other than Cato The Elder (who summoned his own banning months before by refusing to hit the Tip Jar). He also left this chewy little morsel for Charles on the Little Green Footballs Kindle subscription page:
[h/t Bagua & BRC Engineer No. 6]
A little “birdy” sent us this letter that Cato sent Charles. It has been authenticated.
So, let me get this straight, Charles:
On the say-so of a “little birdy” [sic] who likes to stalk stalkers, you decide to publicly chastise a long-time former poster for supposedly commenting on a site that lives to mock you.
For this you have zero evidence, other than your will to be aggrieved.
That poster writes to you to clear up a matter that never needed to be aired publicly and to which he cannot publicly respond, and dares to be even mildly exasperated with the situation.
You then issue a butthurt non-apology while whining about “digs” against your goodself.
Whom does that remind one of? Oh, say, maybe…Sarah “I’m the Victim Here” Palin?
And the pathetic sycophant Dark Falcon allows how terrible it is for you to have to endure “cheap shots”. Poor Mr. Johnson.
Honestly, you should be flattered that you are prominent enough, with your weak-tea attempts at punditry on TPM, to merit a parody site of your very own. Enjoy it while it lasts.
After all this, some might understand if I were to actually “go stalker” and become your sworn enemy. Let me assure you: should that ever happen, it will be under my own proper name and LGF handle, and you will be the first to know of it.
You would probably thrive on that, but sadly, you are just not a big enough target to waste the slings and arrows on.
– Cato the Elder *
P.S. I’m bcc’ing this – to whom is my affair – as insurance against misquotes.
*nic substituted for real name and real email address by DoD editor
The votes have been tallied, and it is time to present our winners with their awards!
Dark_Falcon, “Most obnoxious sycophant“
Cato the Elder, “Best Flounce“
Charles Johnson, “Greatest display of Idiotarianismishness“
Update: We do have one honorary award to hand out to CJ and LGF, from The Boiler Room crew:
We can’t imagine life without it.