Mr. Toot and the Fuhrer – microscopic penis, penis, penis

Well maybe there is a good reason for Charles Johnson and his fascination with Nazis – small penises! We also know from Hitler’s Doctor Theodor Morrell that the Fuhrer suffered from massive flatulence as does Mr. Toot (hence his nickname). Perhaps Charles’s hatred of women comes from the fact that women find him to gauche (just like they found Hitler) as well as his small “member”.  Charles has been rejected by women over the decades because of his slovenliness, his temper tantrums, his attempts at domineering everyone around him, his malodorous aroma as well as his nauseating bad breath – does that sound familiar? The hygienic comparisons to the Fuhrer are eerie too. Charles – clean yourself up, use your Medicaid to visit a dermatologist and a urologist, take some Beano so you do not fart at inappropriate moments, get a hair cut and see if you can wash your clothes once in a while.

Hitler Biggest Secret Revealed; Had ‘Micropenis’ & One Testicle, Says Historians

News has become viral recently which revealed that Adolf Hitler had extremely small and malformed manhood as claimed by historians Jonathan Mayo and Emma Craigie.

According to the new book of Mayo and Craigie, “Hitler’s Last Day: Minute by Minute,” reading Hitler’s medical records revealed that the fearsome leader had a condition called penile hypospadias.

Hypospadias is a condition where the penis is abnormally small and the sufferer often has to urinate out of a hole at the base or underside of the shaft rather than the tip.

According to a description by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, people with the condition may “have problems with abnormal spraying of urine and might have to sit to urinate. In some boys with hypospadias, the testicle has not fully descended into the scrotum. If hypospadias is not treated it can lead to problems later in life, such as difficulty performing sexual intercourse or difficulty urinating while standing.”

The report comes just over a month since researchers at the University of Erlangen said they had found prison documents confirming that Hitler also had only one testicle as reported by The Guardian.

The documents surfaced at an auction in Bavaria in 2010 before swiftly being confiscated by the Bavarian government. They have only recently been properly studied by Professor Peter Fleischmann of Erlangen-Nuremberg University.

Notes are written by Dr Josef Steiner Brin, the medical officer at Landsberg prison, state “Adolf Hitler, artist, recently writer” was otherwise “healthy and strong”.

Mayo and Craigie write that Hitler’s personal doctor used to give him hormones, amphetamines and cocaine in an effort to help boost his sex drive.

Adolf Hitler, as leader of the Third Reich, orchestrated the death of some 6 million Jews and other victims whom he deemed “sub-humans” and socially undesirable. He killed himself by gunshot on April 30, 1945 in his bunker in Berlin.

 

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97 Comments on “Mr. Toot and the Fuhrer – microscopic penis, penis, penis”

  1. Arachne says:

    Well, he’s been referred to as a dickless wonder.
    Maybe he’s nutless as well.
    Of course, his pannus probably reaches to his knees so to pee he has to stand OVER the toilet and hope for the best.

    • Mojambo says:

      Charles, like a girl, pees sitting down.

      • rightymouse says:

        Well it’s easier to pee that way than spending an hour looking for his dick.

        • Arachne says:

          Wouldn’t matter. With stumpy chubby fingers and a gut reaching into the next area code, even if he found it, he couldn’t grab it without one of those reacher things the short people use in the grocery store.

  2. TreBob says:

    Not to put too fine a point on it BUT, we know Charles is a fat, sweaty, old man sporting a grey ponytail with a major flatulence problem (bean burrito and avocado sammich farts must be the worst) and since he doesn’t change his black t-shirt he more than likely has B.O. that would make Jerry Seinfeld re-write one of his episodes. Given all that, it is extremely unlikely that anyone, including himself has looked at his penis in a very, very long time, making the micro-penis a nothing burger.

    Just a thought.

  3. Abu Penile Hypospadias says:

    Macro pannus with a side order of micro penis penis penis lol. The above posts about Charles’ lack of hygiene are excellent and obviously accurate. It’s is bad as we believe, otherwise he’d get on camera somewhere.

    Don’t do it, Fuckface!1!!1!

    / reverse psychology won’t work ’cause he never reads here

  4. OLT's Speaking of Dickless Wonders says:

  5. OLT's Speaking of Dickless Wonders says:

    “Introduction of a minority population” is such a weird phrase for what’s happeining in Yurrop.

  6. Because olo says:

    olo

  7. windbag says:

    Is it true that the size of your wiener is proportional to the size of your brain? Chuckles is doomed.

  8. rightymouse says:

    Just like your buddy Fatso does routinely??

  9. kbdabear says:

    Most of us find fulfillment in endeavors other than trolling and slandering political enemies; sports, entertainment, reading interesting novels, etc..

    What a vacant life to spend all your time trolling enemies where your bicycle and even your guitar grow dusty and rusty from years of neglect.

    I’d pity him, but he enjoys being an obsessed dickhead

  10. Because olo says:

    Why bother, when you abuse yourself?

  11. Because olo says:

    New cleverness.

  12. Daedalus says:

    This could explain Charles obsession.

  13. swamprat says:

    Iowahawk is not on twitter at this time.
    No comments since Feb 20.

  14. Of course everyone loves Freddie/Queen’s version of Somebody to Love the original. But it occurred to me that the song really lends itself to the female voice. Freddy, great as he is strains a bit but still makes the grade. Yet Anne Hathaway pulled it off nearly effortlessly. And this sweet unknown doll bartender KILLS IT. They WORK HARD! 🙂

  15. Pakimon says:

    It’s a cold and blustery night in a Denver suburb and our hero is at the front door of his former landlord’s house trying to talk his way back in.

    Weeks of living in dumpsters and cardboard boxes has made Gus desperate.

    The former landlord is inquiring why he should let Gus back in.

    Gus responds:

    • Pakimon says:

      “Oh really?” the ex-landlord smirks, “Apparently gainful employment and showering isn’t among those ideas we share.”

      The ex-landlord looks Gus in the eye and says, “C’mon… what have you really been doing these last weeks?”

      Gus decides to “come clean” and admit the truth:

    • Pakimon says:

      The ex-landlord laughs in our hero’s face and exclaims, “I figured that! Did you really think you were getting back in my garage?!”

      The ex-landlord’s patience is wearing thin.

      He glares at the pathetic stewbum funkifying his front porch and shouts, “For the last time, what… are… you… doing… here!?”

      Gus is withering under the ex-landlord’s glare and snivels,

    • Pakimon says:

      Seeing that he’s losing his battle for reinstated garage privileges, Gus tries to muster a pious air. He straightens up and as a final touch, he

    • Pakimon says:

      The ex-landlord shakes his head, turns and walks back inside, slamming the front door in Gus’ face.

      The impact of the slamming door reverberates through his skull.

    • Pakimon says:

      Gus’ desperation turns to rage! He begins pounding on the front door and screeching,

    • Pakimon says:

      The ex-landlord’s angry, rapid fire retort through the closed door comes immediately.

      “Hey Gus! Can you hear me?! If I have to come out there again, I’m going to introduce you to the barrel of this Mossberg that I bought off some ponytailed fat guy in Culver City! And trust me, you will not like it!”

      Gus’ startled reponse comes quickly.

    • Pakimon says:

      The horrific image of being blasted in the face with buckshot mixed with Cheetos dust fills Gus with dread.

      He quickly scurries off the porch and hightails it to the bushes in the neighbor’s yard.

      Gus hunkers down in the bushes, trembling with fear.

      He does a quick check to make sure he has sufficient cover to hide from the shotgun wielding ex-landlord.

      Should be good enough he decides.

    • Pakimon says:

      The hours pass as Gus squats in the bushes and he’s growing bored.

      The image of the teasing tawny she-devil prances through Gus’ pickled brain.

      Gus figures while he’s here, he might as well take a look.

      Gus breaks cover, hoping that the bedroom window will be ablaze with scantily clad visual delights.

      Will he get lucky?

      The bedroom window is dark and Gus slumps back down into the bushes as he answers his own question.

  16. Because olo says:

    Somebody’s talking about Octo…

  17. Because olo says:

    Umm.

  18. kbdabear says:

    We all knew that Toot would have an online orgasm over this bit of news..

  19. kbdabear says:

    While Toot wacks off to news of Duke’s endorsement of Trump, he still has one hand free for his Block Button of Doom

    • rightymouse says:

      He doesn’t care about facts. Hillary is a WOMAN!!!!! That’s all that matters. Oh, and she’s a Democrat. Not a Goldwater Republican.

  20. pineapple ¯\_(''-)_/¯ says:

    Well sure you did Fuckface. It’s a total take down of your beloved Shillary made by your loony left brethren.

    Saying you watched 5 seconds means you can’t handle the truth as told by your own side.

  21. OLT's All Hill Haillary says:

    S’aright, CNN hates Cruz more than Stalker Charles hates Truth, so he could be worse.

  22. pineapple ¯\_(''-)_/¯ says:

    Ha ha ha Shillary, here’s the crap you cultivated…… I love it!

  23. #NowPlaying Forq > Forq > The Hard Way lgf.bz/1QIwKed https://t.co/2oRUu1W1C3
    36 minutes ago

    Is it any surprise that Chunk likes this drivel? And I’m sure he thinks their name Forq which is a sophomoric play on “fuck you”, his favorite Twitter witticism is super clever.

  24. Juan Epstein says:

    To be fair, considering Charlene’s new manifestation as an uber feminist, he doesn’t have a micro-penis…he has an elongated clitoris.

  25. rightymouse says:

    The debate should be interesting tonight. The crowded stage has shrunk.

  26. rightymouse says:

    From a lib…

  27. Octopus says:

    It’s wunderbar the way the Left is split over the godawful Shrillary, and the Old White Man With Socialist Cred. 😆

    • pineapple ¯\_(''-)_/¯ says:

      Trump seems sane by comparison to those two over the hill idiots.

      • Octopus says:

        I know. It’s sheer panic in the GOP Establishment, with them trotting out Mitt as their toothless attack dog. They can’t believe this rude and crude outsider is trucking them all. With all the reservations I have about the Donald, I love the way he’s giving all the rest the middle finger. 😆

      • Because olo says:

        Or at least alive.

  28. Octopus says:

    Nice update, imho. 🙂

    • Pakimon says:

      I’m at the age where I should settle down due to various aches and pains and whatnot but instead I’m just pacing myself. 😀

      That’s why I’ve been “off the grid” the last few days here.

      Actually, work has been hectic so I just haven’t had the energy to post so I’ve been resting and waiting until Gus farted out just the right combination of late night Twitter glurge that I could mock and ridicule with an episode of Operetta de Gusano™ 😆

  29. Juan Epstein says:

    Opportunity coming out of Kansas, Charles!

    Get back to your office and start goog…uh..researching!