There is hope for Charles on his overweight issues

In the previous post, Octopus linked to a story of a man who lost 400 pounds. This is relevant to DOD as we mock Charles Johnson’s weight gain. However, being overweight is not a joke and can result in death. Charles is the lifeblood of this blog and it is in our interest for him to remain healthy. In this spirit, I will link this story for Charles to read.

Jesse Frank Shand is 28, 6′1″, and currently weighs 260 pounds. But back in 2013, he weighed more than 653 pounds. This is the story of his weight-loss journey.

The Turning Point

I could tell I was getting more and more overweight. I had made attempts to lose weight in the past, but could never continue past the initial burst of motivation that I would experience in the first month or so. When I wouldn’t see drastic results, I’d always give up. It got to a point where I finally told myself that I just didn’t have the will to do it. I gave up trying and just tried to distract myself from my worsening situation with video games.

[….]

Due to my physical condition, I was unable to do traditional physical activity when I started. I could barely even stand up at that point. So one of the members in the forum thread said to me, “At your weight, you could literally just flop around and lose weight.” So that’s what I did. I flailed my upper body around to some music until I had worked up a sweat for my first real workout.

I started doing workouts like this at the same time every night, and within a couple months, I was walking laps around my house, I coupled this with very small changes in my diet — a couple less chicken quesadillas, or shaving a few hundred calories off my intake here and there. It was only a few months before I started to see serious weight loss! Within roughly seven months, I had lost 100 pounds!

[….]

I feel so much better. I am active and get to enjoy activities I never would have tried before. I play racquetball, cycle, swim, practice archery, and lift weights. I have gotten to meet up with friends I haven’t seen since high school who can’t get over how different I am now. The public nature of my weight loss has meant I get to hear people’s struggles and advise and help them in a similar fashion to the way others helped me.

Charles there is hope for you. Stop being a shut in ranting about whatever the latest outrage is and do some exercise. Ride a bike, hike or any other physical activities. Ron Paul does not have Vlaams Belang snipers looking for you. 99.999% of humanity would not even recognize you. Just go out there and lose weight, DOD depends on it! Also Charles you need to go into your pantry and ruthlessly purge it of Cheetos, Wise Potato Chips, Mallomars, Mars Bars, Mountain Dew, Pop Tarts, Ring-Dings, Devil Dogs, Twinkies, etc.

(Octopus)

 

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165 Comments on “There is hope for Charles on his overweight issues”

  1. Minnow says:

    Hahahahahahahaha!

    Barry?

    No f’ing weigh.

    Barry doesn’t HAVE a weight problem!

    Barry is perfect in every weigh!

  2. Octopus says:

    Thank you, Daedalus. Much as we all love to mock the vapid, childish moonbattery of Chunky 2.0, deep down we all feel concern about a fellow human being who’s lost his way in the world. We hope for better days in the future. Same goes for Gustavo — I can’t count the number of times people have extended a helping-hand to this Sternonaut, as he lurches dizzily from one garage to another, one dumpster to the next. I’m crying now, thinking of it. Both of them…so tragic. How did it come to this?

    We just want to help.

  3. Minnow says:

    Barry, I suggest that next time you head down to Safeway for ice cream and donuts, that you park at the far end of the parking lot. That way, you will burn 3-whole calories more when you walk to the front door than when you park in the handicap spot next to the door.

    Hey – don’t say I never did nuttin for ya.

    Bra….

    • Because olo says:

      I’d say get a dog so he can walk it for 3 miles a day, but I wouldn’t wish that on the Rottweiler form Hell.

      • Minnow says:

        NO! Please don’t suggest that. That asshole would abuse the shit out of a dog.

        • Octopus says:

          He would definitely kick a dog, in one of his bunker-busting tantrums. Not sure he can afford to feed a cat, at this point in his unsuccessful begging career, but a cat could dodge his clumsy attempts to plant his dirty socked foot in kitty’s behind. He’s not what you’d call “nimble,” by any stretch of the imagination.

          • Arachne says:

            Hey, if you believe his bullshit – he actually ate dog when in Indonesia, so the poor animal would be in jeopardy if the Cheetos run out……

  4. Because olo says:

    Uh-oh.

    • Octopus says:

      This is a new tack. We’ll see where it leads. The alley behind Safeway, is my guess. Wristers for a quarter.

  5. Because olo says:

  6. Octopus says:

    Heh.

  7. Because olo says:

    Isn’t this shit that can get you banned from Twitter?

    • Minnow says:

      Wow, I agree. How can this statement (see above) be taken in any sort of “positive” context??

      Plants bomb of petunias?
      Plants bomb of whipped cream?
      Plants bomb of cotton candy?

      No doubt.

  8. Octopus says:

    Fatass is all about shutting down debate, and making the world a safe space for proggies. 😆

    • Arachne says:

      That story was old BEFORE the Holidays.
      They want to ban Trump? Go ahead. He’ll build his projects elsewhere.
      Wonder what you’ll say to your constituencies that have no jobs and are fed up with Muslims ask you what the hell you think you’re doing.

  9. Octopus says:

    Your moms loved Michael way more than you. That must have been hard. 😦

    • Because you're dumb says:

      That’s great. She is a fearless fighter and a helluva woman. Chunky is a much lesser woman.

  10. Juan Epstein says:

    Got trolled.

    Calls racist.

  11. Because olo says:

    Get busted for pissing on a cop car?

  12. Bunk X says:

    Charles behind the wheel of LGF ca. 2008.

  13. Octopus says:

    Oh, you say that everyday. Several times a day. Stop teasing!

  14. ISpeakJive says:

    • Octopus says:

      Oh, that is rich! 😆

      Well-trolled, Saint Negro™ ! This is probably why we don’t see any good trolls on forums anymore — they’re too busy clowning the Twittersphere.

      This effin’ guy: https://twitter.com/TheSaintNegro29

      Chunky got taken to Poundtown once again, the stupid dork. 😆

      • Because olo says:

        Which leads us to…

        • Octopus says:

          We’re still here, Lexi…Free The Nips! 😉

          • Octopus says:

            I got some good layuffs from Lexi’s twitter — here’s a few nuggets of wisdom.

            The Left Arm ‏@1CleverGirl1 12 Feb 2015
            STOP YELLING FACTS ABOUT ME AS IF THEY WERE INSULTS
            1,060 retweets 1,757 likes
            Reply Retweet 1.1K
            Like 1.8K
            More

            Lexi Retweeted
            bubble girl ‏@JessObsess 26 Jan 2015
            I’m in a good place right now. Not emotionally… just that I’m at the liquor store.
            979 retweets 1,707 likes
            Reply Retweet 979
            Like 1.7K
            More

            Lexi Retweeted
            Raspberry Jam ‏@Jenny4ashley 14 Mar 2014
            It’s like no one in this library wants to hear me sing.
            1,552 retweets 2,588 likes
            Reply Retweet 1.6K
            Like 2.6K
            More

            Lexi Retweeted
            Raspberry Jam ‏@Jenny4ashley 27 Sep 2014
            Romeo and Juliet is my favorite story about how when you fall in love, it’s best to just kill yourself.
            7,810 retweets 10,393 likes
            Reply Retweet 7.8K
            Like 10K
            More

            Lexi Retweeted
            Noodles ‏@Dawn_M_ Jan 4
            The guy who invented the newspaper sure has a lot of spider blood on his hands.
            115 retweets 245 likes
            Reply Retweet 115
            Like 245
            More

  15. Octopus says:

    I just realized Gwen Stefani is 47 years old. Aye caramba!

  16. Pakimon says:

    It’s another cold night in a Denver suburb and Gus is “on patrol” in his neighbor’s yard.

    He hears an angry voice from within the house talking loudly about ” that nasty stewbum who keeps creeping around the yard and peeping in his daughter’s window”.

    Despite the numerous atomic wedgies and beatdowns received in the past for his nocturnal activities, Gus is undeterred.

    • Pakimon says:

      Gus creeps towards the neighbor’s daughter’s bedroom window anticipating another round of visual delight.

    • Pakimon says:

      Gus raises up his head to peer into the window only to discover a thick curtain in place, no doubt put up to thwart his peeping activities.

      The conversation he hears inside confirms this as their is talk about “letting the criminal justice system handle the stewbum the next time he comes creeping”.

      Gus is enraged at having his impending gratification thwarted.

      He spies a garden gnome standing vigil in the yard and drunkenly decides to exact vengeance.

      Gus stumbles over to the garden gnome and swaying and reeling he unzips his fly and takes aim…

    • Pakimon says:

      Gus zips up when he’s done with satisfaction,

      Unfortunately for Gus, he is too drunk to realize that he managed to get a lot more urine on his tattered sneakers than on the garden gnome.

    • Pakimon says:

      Gus stumbles away from the garden gnome only to realize that his tattered sneakers are absolutely soaked.

      He stops and looks down to ponder this unexpected event.

    • Pakimon says:

      As an aside, I must pause the narrative to note that for reasons known only to Gus, He has named his tattered sneakers, North Korea and South Korea.

      Perhaps it is because one sneaker is significantly more tattered than the other.

      At any rate, it turns out that Gus’ wayward urine stream soaked one sneaker a lot more than the other.

      Which sneaker got the brunt of the urine monsoon?

      Gus fills in this important detail.

    • Pakimon says:

      Gus is furious at this development and decides to employ “the nuclear option”.

      He shambles to the the center of the neighbor’s yard, drops his pants and squats.

      Numerous nasty explosions and eruptions, too disgusting to describe on a semi family-friendly blog such as this, erupt from Gus’ posterior.

    • Pakimon says:

      Gus is about to pull up his pants when through his Sterno induced haze, he realizes there was an immense “splatter effect” from his “bomb planting”.

      Rut roh!

      No toilet paper and no leaves within reach!

      Gus contemplates his predicament as he squats, trapped in plain view.

    • Pakimon says:

      Suddenly, a liquor bottle comes flying out of the darkness from the direction of the neighbor’s house and strikes Gus in the head.

      Gus yelps in pain and keels over into the horrific pile he just deposited on the lawn.

      “Got Him!!” comes a joyous shout from the neighbor’s house followed by copious jeers and laughter.

      Futilely trying to wipe off the stinking offal smeared all over his clothes, Gus stumbles back to the safety of his garage abode furiously muttering under his breath…

  17. Arachne says:

    Frankly folks, if we don’t hear from Fats on Twitter or LGF for a 24 hour period, we should take the initiative to ask L.A.P.D. to do a welfare check. But we should be sure to show them his anti-police tweets and posts as well.

    I’m sure they’ll run right over.

  18. Captain Death says:

    Mr. Toot can control his tooting by stop eating so much gassy things like potato chips and Doritos.

  19. Because you're dumb says:

    UK Parliament to Debate Whether Donald Trump Should Be Banned From Entering Britain lgf.bz/1JYKIjX
    45 minutes ago

    AKA dhimmis displaying their ball-lessness to their Muslim overlords. Who cares what idiots who are willingly submitting to sharia think?

    http://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/625545/Donald-Trump-Muslims-speech-British-police-ISIS-radicalisation-London

    • Even more comical and yet still more asinine is Josh Poltroon Earnest whinging that Trump should be disqualified. Trump has everyone’s knickers in a twist. I like that.

    • Because you're dumb says:

      And she’s too dumb to be embarrassed by her moron rants.

    • Did imbecile Cher call for the death of Regina McCarthy for the EPA’s bungling of the Animas River toxic spill?
      *crickets*

      • Arachne says:

        Yeah, I was wondering about that.
        Scarier still are the replies to those imbecilic and infantile farts she calls tweets. She’s 70 going on 17.
        “CHER! FOLLOW ME PLEASE CHER!!” (Really, you think this makes you part of her world.?)
        Rush got it right – social media has made everyone believe they are now a part of the event. He says to his mind it started pretty much when Princess Diana died, with the flower thing and the interviews of the man on the street, that suddenly now those not involved had a stake in the story.

  20. Because you're dumb says:

    Jeez. What part of THE LAW IS IGNORED NOW don’t you get, McCain?

    http://www.buzzfeed.com/andrewkaczynski/john-mccain-i-dont-know-if-cruz-is-eligible-for-presidency-w#.raGbzV9nv

    Obungle put that to rest. He couldn’t produce a valid birth certificate. The one he produced years into his Preezyduncy was an obvious fake to document experts. And the Supreme Court didn’t give a flying shit. McCain’s just doing this because he hates Cruz’ and most conservative’s guts.

  21. Because you're dumb says:

    Walter’s getting into the birther thing on Hot Air!

    His Mom was born here and there’s zero record or evidence that she ever renounced her citizenship.
    verbaluce on January 7, 2016 at 12:00 PM

    I heard last night on a radio talk show that there Cruz cannot produce his mothers birth certificate and if I understood the conversation, so folks have been going through public records and they have not been able to turn up anything.

    And Cruz (according to this conversation) has not been helpful in the matter of his mother, when she was born and her status in Canada.

    I have no confirmation if this info above is accurate, just passing on what I heard.

    Walter L. Newton on January 7, 2016 at 12:15 PM

    Respectfully, ‘I heard last night on a radio talk show’ could be followed by virtually anything.

    verbaluce on January 7, 2016 at 12:33 PM

    • Octopus says:

      If Walter was still lurking here, he’d be forced to hurl multiple f-bombs at you for this. Got a little rage inside, does our intrepid Weekly Shopper reporter. 😆

      • Because you're dumb says:

        For sure. He would tell me….

      • Abu says:

        The Weekly Shopper smack would leave a mark if Walter E. Neuman read this blog.
        Help me out here: ain’t Walter Zeus Crappypants? Is he not a moderator of this awesome blog?

    • ISpeakJive says:

      Please tell me he didn’t depend on “family lore” that his mother was American, ala’ Fauxcohontas.

      I guess he’s trans-national.

    • Just out of ignorance and curiosity, doesn’t a loophole actually keep one from being prosecuted? Is a loophole not a technical circumvention of a law or regulation? I’m not a legal eagle …

      • Because you're dumb says:

        I know. I was thinking that too. But the report seems to suggest that by using private email her communications are excluded from FOIA. Hence the loophole. But that doesn’t get her off legally because the State Dept requires employees including her to forward any State Dept related emails TO a State Dept email. Which she didn’t even have while running the place. And now that they’re finding a lot of that content was classified….

        • Hmmmmmm … private server used by a public servant for classified documents. Sounds like a calculated attempt at deception that backfired. But HRC, being the shrewd shrew that she is, will argue the very technicality of it. And win. And idiots will put her in the WH.

  22. Because you're dumb says:

    Of course they are! LOL!

    Tumblr is melting down over a shirt Oscar Isaac wore 5 years ago

    http://www.dailydot.com/geek/oscar-isaac-atlas-shrugged-shirt-ayn-rand-libertarian/

    This will ruin Star Wars for Chunky because libertarians ruin everything er something.

  23. Because olo says:

    I think I just found Furious Burka.

    • Because you're dumb says:

      I watched it until she started repeating lies of victimization.

      • Octopus says:

        Yep…that’s me, out. At 1:13. 😆

        She’s cute, but she’s a kid. When she reads Ayaan Hirsi Ali, get back to me.

        • Because olo says:

          The woman she was criticizing was as smart as Ali (and they’re actually connected on Twitter). These punks. They’re too dumb to know how dumb they are. But you’re right. There’s some hope. Maybe. Or not.

      • ISpeakJive says:

        They have to cover their hair, but can paint their lips flaming red, the color of a ripe Baboon’s butt in estrus, etc. Never understood that.

        • Octopus says:

          It would be funny if human females got the red-ass when they were ready to par-tay. 😆

          • Because olo says:

            It would sure make being a human male a lot less confusing.

          • Because olo says:

            Maybe that’s the answer to this whole college rape thing. When a woman wants to consent, she has to put bright red lipstick on all applicable lips. That’s complete legal consent. No lipstick, no consent.

            Nice and simple and clear. What could go wrong?

        • Because olo says:

          If you think that’s weird, google the thing about their men dying their beards red.

          It’s a thing.

    • OLT's Oxymoron says:

      There’s no such thing as a Muslim Feminist.

  24. Octopus says:

    Help me, Ronda. The swimsuit is paint? Won’t the water wash it off? Can I hold up a towel for you, to shield you from lecherous jerks? 🙂

    Paint. 🙂

    • Because you're dumb says:

      Oh mercy. She’ll always be my little champ. Wonder who the lucky bastard was who got to apply her “suit”.

      • Octopus says:

        I think she’s going to make a furious comeback, this July. Her game-plan for the first Holm fight was very poorly thought out — you send a jiu-jitsu specialist out to box against a longtime pro boxer praying for a stand-up match? No, that’s ridiculous.

    • Arachne says:

      I just got a mental picture of Octo running to the shoreline with a SMALL towel in tow….

  25. Arachne says:

    Powerball is estimated to be $700 Million for Saturday.
    If I win, I’m buying an island, and all of you are getting Cabinet positions.
    Then we’ll get the U.S. to pay us BILLIONS of dollars not to develop nuclear capability. And do it anyway.

  26. Octopus says:

    Settled Science Dept. — Now red wine is bad for you! 😆

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/health/12086226/Red-wine-is-bad-for-you-say-experts.html

    I love red wine, especially with the right foods. It often makes me flushed, and then sleepy, but first it enhances everything. I’ll take the hit.

    • Arachne says:

      Yeah, at my age, I figure what the hell.

      • Octopus says:

        Exactly. In the grand sweep of history, who gives a damn? Next week it will be good for you again, along with other unforeseen medical discoveries, such as “packing your sinuses with rock-salt will help you avoid head-colds.” Science marches on, but it marches on kind of like the Stanford band — not exactly in lockstep.

    • Because olo says:

      What’s really egregious about that “study” is they’re saying that there is NO acceptable amount of alcohol that can be consumed. None. Zip. Party like it’s 1920.

      I wonder if one of the authors is named “Mohammed”?

    • Octopus says:

      Monica’s a grumpy cat, in this pic. 😆

      • ISpeakJive says:

        Did you ever read her deposition in front of the investigating committee about the whole Bill thing? It’s not worth going and finding, but OMG, the details they wanted about exactly who did what to whom and where. Yikes! She didn’t even break the law. And given the HillBilly’s farce of a marriage that I don’t think people understood back then. Just awful.

        • Octopus says:

          I always thought she was victimized, as a star-struck girl in the big city, getting chased by the President. They tried to destroy her, basically. I’m kind of surpised she survived the whole deal.

          • Because olo says:

            Just barely survived. She’s still not standing up being counted like Broderick.

          • Because you're dumb says:

            Well I think we have to remember in Monica’s case it was fully consensual. But she also knew fully well he was married and still seduced the old coot. And seemed like she gave no consideration to the Shillary whatsoever. But yeah a little bit victim because she was so young and probably didn’t realize how she would be used by Grab Azz’s political enemies. And not just as his private girlie toy.

          • Octopus says:

            I’m not sure who seduced who, in that tricky little situation. I suspect L’il Willie made the first move, in Slick’s pants when he saw the hefty gal bent over the copier.

  27. Because Toot has a crush says:

  28. Octopus says:

    No. You can buy one, at the Artisan Cheese Shoppe. You don’t know how to work the stove.

  29. Octopus says:

    Did Gosnell make the announcement, from prison?

  30. Octopus says:

    May as well start getting used to it now.

    • Octopus says:

      Your Caption = FAIL 😆

      Blame it on the dextrometh cough medicine.

    • rightymouse says:

      Such charming Donk First Ladies. Ugh.

      • Because Toot has a crush says:

        Some S&M guys are really into that angry black woman thing. She must make them mess.

        • Octopus says:

          Dennis Miller said it well, early on in this abortive presidency: “She looks like a long day.”

          She’s not even mad, here. She’s happy. You should see her when she’s mad. 😯

        • rightymouse says:

          If I EVER screamed at my husband like that, I’d be unmarried so fast it would make your head spin.

      • pineapple says:

        That is friggin’ scary!

        • Octopus says:

          That reminds me of my wife’s old neighbors in Southfield, before we got married. They had a huge Doberman that was trained to guard the house, but only went nuts when a black person approached. When the dog set off the alarm one day by jumping on the picture window, it was going off for hours as the owners were away somewhere. We were out in front with a white cop and a black cop, trying to figure out what to do about the unearthly racket. When the white cop approached the window where the Dobie was doing his best impression of Cujo, the dog would calm down and relax. As soon as the black cop started walking toward the window, the dog went into vicious beast-mode. We all had a good laugh, including the black cop, who had a sense of humor.

  31. Octopus says:

    Red-hot Red Wings Rumor!
    http://www.wingingitinmotown.com/2016/1/6/10726040/red-wings-rumors-stamkos-and-drouin-to-detroit

    My opinion about multi-player hockey trades has always been, “the team that gets the overall best player wins.” Stamkos is the best player, in the scenarios I’ve seen. I’m all over this deal.

  32. Arachne says:

    A golden opportunity is approaching that shouldn’t be missed.
    Isn’t Bammy’s Town Hall on CNN on at 6:00? Fox should do a special a 6:00 p.m., like a Town Hall with Sean Hannity, with Donald Trump and Mark Levin talking about guns as well and see who gets the most viewers.

    • Octopus says:

      I’d hate to see the Unicorn Messiah get dragged like that. 😆

      Trump is killing it, on the campaign trail. I still don’t trust him fully, but compared to Shrill? He’s got my vote.

  33. Because penis penis penis lol says:

    • rightymouse says:

      Well….
      I was born in Bangkok….

      • Octopus says:

        Another one of my fave Kentucky landmarks, is Big Bone Lick. You think it’s named for something kinky, but it’s just a place where they found some big dinosaur bones. Cattle used to lick ’em, for the salt. Now it’s just a big pile of naked gay men. Weird.

  34. ISTE Happy says:

    Totally off topic, well not quite, one of the nasty buggers was quite fat.

    Architects.

    Who actually trains them and where do they learn to accurately design and specify totally stupid shit that any normal person can see quite obviously is a load of bollocks?

    To be an architect do you first have to have a masters degree in stupidity and a GPA of a dormouse?

    Great idea, design a building with care and precision and specify six inches of rat bedding above the false ceiling.

    Architectural perfection. What the fuck could possibly go wrong?

    Strange scratching sounds occasionally heard in the office but at least we are energy efficient.

    Now, the second most dumb profession after architects is pest control operatives.

    Take rats as an example…..

    Two effective ways to eradicate them. Poison and traps. Poison is ideal in a situation where every thing is accessible and you can just pick up the dead and dying bodies. Traps are the weapon of choice where there are areas that cannot be reached in order to remove the recently deceased creatures.

    Anyone who knows me has a good idea where this is going.

    When the creation of an unusually stupid architect meets an unusually stupid pest control operative.

    Monday…. bad smell in office.

    Tuesday… worse smell in office.

    Wednesday… really bad smell.

    Thursday morning… staff threaten to walk out unless I do something about the smell.

    Got up a ladder, removed ceiling tiles and fiberglass insulation covered in ratshit until lo and behold I discovered a dead rat! (Actually it discovered me at the same time as it bounced of my shoulder as it plummeted to the ground)

    Awesome! Problem solved! Company saved! Nobody unemployed!

    Oh wait, better keep checking….. Yep you guessed, found two more.

    Dumpster now full of fiberglass insulation and rats. Fuck the building codes. Fuck saving energy.

    And that happens when an Architect meets an Exterminator.

    • Octopus says:

      I need to hook you up with this guy I know…

      See how quickly I get desensitized, Pineapple? 😈

    • ISTE Happy says:

      Writing style inspired by Dave Barry
      http://www.miamiherald.com/living/liv-columns-blogs/dave-barry/

      The Farside Comes to Life in Oregon

      By Dave Barry (1990)

      By Dave Barry

      I am absolutely not making this incident up; in fact I have it all on videotape. The tape is from a local TV news show in Oregon, which sent a reporter out to cover the removal of a 45-foot, eight-ton dead whale that washed up on the beach. The responsibility for getting rid of the carcass was placed upon the Oregon State Highway Division, apparently on the theory that highways and whales are very similar in the sense of being large objects.

      So anyway, the highway engineers hit upon the plan — remember, I am not making this up — of blowing up the whale with dynamite. The thinking here was that the whale would be blown into small pieces, which would be eaten by sea gulls, and that would be that. A textbook whale removal.

      So they moved the spectators back up the beach, put a half-ton of dynamite next to the whale and set it off. I am probably not guilty of understatement when I say that what follows, on the videotape, is the most wonderful event in the history of the universe. First you see the whale carcass disappear in a huge blast of smoke and flame. Then you hear the happy spectators shouting “Yayy!” and “Whee!” Then, suddenly, the crowd’s tone changes. You hear a new sound like “splud.” You hear a woman’s voice shouting “Here come pieces of… MY GOD!” Something smears the camera lens.

      Later, the reporter explains: “The humor of the entire situation suddenly gave way to a run for survival as huge chunks of whale blubber fell everywhere.” One piece caved in the roof of a car parked more than a quarter of a mile away. Remaining on the beach were several rotting whale sectors the size of condominium units. There was no sign of the sea gulls, who had no doubt permanently relocated in Brazil. This is a very sobering videotape. Here at the institute we watch it often, especially at parties. But this is no time for gaiety. This is a time to get hold of the folks at the Oregon State Highway division and ask them, when they get done cleaning up the beaches, to give us an estimate on the US Capitol.

      • ISTE Happy says:

        Warning… Funny Content.

        • Octopus says:

          Is that a Chunky Death Threat?! 😯


          Max Butthurt is going to plotz.

          • ISTE Happy says:

            If the Culver City whale expires I strongly suggest the highway department use the Chernobyl solution. Encase the whole place in a concrete sarcophagus. Do not attempt removal using dynamite!

  35. Minnow says:

    BRUCE Jenner speaking tour canceled.

    Good.

    This country has had enough of attention whores for awhile.

    • Octopus says:

      The ironic thing is, Bruce used to sell out motivational tours like nobody’s biznatch, before he took the plunging decolletage. Now he has to lie about “scheduling conflicts,” instead of just admitting nobody was buying tix. Scheduling conflicts with what, dear? Your Brazilian Waxer? 😆

  36. Octopus says:

    Heheheh…Fatass doesn’t know how to tell a joke, and he doesn’t get the jokes. He’s just not intelligent enough to process humor. Like Trump’s banter, here:

    Trump: “By the end they’ll be so tough and so nasty we’re not gonna have any more problems.”
    45 minutes ago
    Trump: “Ten years ago security would have been much tougher.”
    46 minutes ago
    Another protester: “Get ‘em outta here. OK, security, move a little faster.”
    48 minutes ago
    Now Trump is bashing TIME Magazine for changing “Man of the Year” to “Person of the Year.”
    52 minutes ago
    Trump is getting perilously close to encouraging violence against protesters again.
    54 minutes ago
    Trump: “I don’t want anybody to get hurt. Maybe.”
    55 minutes ago

    Chunky thinks he’s painting a picture of some kind of crazy-thug mob boss, at a ’50’s Teamster meeting. He’s just not bright enough, and that is sad, in a way. Funny, but tragic. Risible, but forlorn. Ludicrous, but lugubrious.