Crying alone to a Carly Simon album

The best part of Charles Johnson’s Twitter theater is when he gets smacked down. His most recent nemesis is Kurt Shlicter, who mocks Mr. Toot’s irrelevancy by claiming he cries to Carly Simon records.






I do not understand why Charles loves getting his butt kicked on Twitter.

(Hat Tip: Because olo)


139 Comments on “Crying alone to a Carly Simon album”

    • Because you're dumb says:

      It’s a pretty good song and she sings it very well and accurately. Unfortunately for her she didn’t heed the wisdom of it from her collaborator Jacob Brackman who wrote the lyrics. Instead she dove headlong into a doomed relationship with drug addict James Taylor.

      • Octopus says:

        That song reminds me of laying on the beach in Hanford Bay, NY…and first noticing the bikinis on teenaged girls. That was ’71, I believe. L’il Octo was 11. Ah, the nostalgia… 😥

        • Because you're dumb says:

          It was a great and crazy time. I was 9 and we listened to the radio all the time. I remember this tune. And later I became aware that Carly Simon was FRICKING HOT. I remember a story I think after her liberation from Taylor, her saying she went to a Hollyweird party with Beatty wearing no panties. And the bastard flipped her dress up! Ha.

          But hey it was the ’70s. Silk shirts and silk screen artwork album covers. And Steely Dan and Jackson Browne. And old cars and staying out on the street until 11 pm on warm summer nights and the folks didn’t even yell. It’s funny I don’t feel old. But I feel I have exclusive knowledge of that era. Along with a few million other people 🙂

          • Octopus says:

            At least Carly would have been concealed by a modest ’70’s bush. 😉

            The ’70’s were a mixed-bag for me. Some awesome good times, but also a lot of useless teen-angst, and family-stress made worse by generational conflict over the war and other items. My Dad was a GM exec, with a lot of stress and little patience for teenage-hijinx…and he had nine of us to contend with, after a long day at the office. Oy.

          • Octopus says:

            Alan Jackson sang this little ditty at George Jones’s funeral. It occurs to me, that it could have been written about another poor fellow who loved and lost.

          • Because olo says:

            Early ’70s were good years for certain cars. That’s about it. Otherwise, the whole decade sucked wall to wall. And so did the ’60s. But they also had some great cars. But the ’50s had both decades beat sideways for cars. 57 was the zenith. It all went downhill from there.

  1. Because olo says:

    Still digging…

    • Because you're dumb says:

      What you mean a gorgeous, young British Muslima didn’t really want to be with a short, old, actor from Kentucky? And now her lawyer (she is one too) will extract the many millions from him he didn’t deserve anyway and she didn’t earn?

      Well I never…. 🙂

  2. poteen2 says:

    “Now on final approach to 15,000 followers. Not that I’m counting or anything.”

    Dumped 15,000 registered users to get 15,000 twitty followers. Following at a distance.
    Good job you goofy fucker./

    • Back when some people still gave Charlatan the benefit of the doubt

    • Arachne says:

      Wow? 15K

      Jim Hoft: 37.4K followers
      Pamela Geller: 25.7K followers
      Ben Shapiro: 140K followers
      Nick Searcy: 63.2K followers (and pleased to report he follows ME!)
      John Nolte: 66.8K followers
      Andrew Breitbart: 79.9K followers (and he’s been DEAD for almost four years)
      Glenn Greenwald: 618K followers

      Yeah, you’re a powerhouse all right. They run in fear.

    • Octopus says:

      She really is a hottie. Damn, Chunky…another way in which you are the far-lesser Charles Johnson. 😆 #morecarlysimonmoretears

  3. Minnow says:

    the tears of a Clown…….

    Hey Barry!!!!Q!

  4. Because you're dumb says:

    What’s an “album”?

    • Pakimon says:

      Chunkles’ butthurt is massive.

      And stinging. 😆

      • CNN. Wow, that’s a repository of insightful, incisive, and objective news/journalism. I would imagine being cut off by any of the poltroons and hacks on that network would be an honor and a badge of distinction.
        At least Schlichter was on CNN, Charlatan. You, however …

    • Pakimon says:

      Sorry… albums have nothing to do with Chunkles’ butthurt.

      I was going to post something pithy and hilarious but after a minute or two of pondering I had nothing and forgot to hit “Cancel reply”.

      I blame lack of java. 😀

  5. Because you're dumb says:

    Looks like Chunk’s nipping at ankles again.

    Kurt is a 1994 graduate of Loyola Law School, where he was a law review editor. He majored in Communications and Political Science as an undergraduate at the University of California, San Diego, where he also edited the student paper California Review while writing a regular column in the student humor paper the Koala.

    After college, Kurt enlisted in the United States Army and received his commission as a second lieutenant through the Army Officer Candidate School. While stationed in West Germany, Kurt was deployed to Operation Desert Storm when he served in the conflict as a platoon leader. After leaving active duty, he joined the California Army National Guard and served in a variety of command and staff positions for over two decades.

    Colonel Schlichter wears the silver “jump wings” of a qualified paratrooper and commanded the elite 1st Squadron, 18th Cavalry Regiment. A veteran of Operation Enduring Freedom (Kosovo), as well as the Los Angeles riots, the Northridge earthquake and the 2007 San Diego fires mobilizations, he is a graduate of the Army’s Combined Arms Staff Service School and the Command and General Staff College. He earned a master of Strategic Studies degree from the United States Army War College.

    His freelance writing been published in major papers like the New York Post, the Washington Examiner, the Los Angeles Times, the Boston Globe, the Washington Times, the Army Times, and the San Francisco Examiner. Kurt also wrote for’s Big Hollywood, Big Government, Big Journalism and Big Peace sites and is a weekly columnist for
    As a stand-up comic for several years, he has gathered a large and devoted following in the world of social media for his amusing and often biting conservative commentary. He is an active user of Twitter (@KurtSchlichter) with over 37,000 followers, which led to his four #1 selling Amazon “Political Humor” ebooks “I Am a Conservative,” “I Am a Liberal,” “Fetch My Latte,” and “Fifty Shades of Liberal.”

    Kurt is often on the air as a news source, an on-screen commentator, and as a guest on nationally syndicated radio programs discussing political, military and legal issues, including Fox News, the Hugh Hewitt Show, the Dennis Miller Show, Geraldo, the Greg Garrison Show, the WMAL Morning Show with Larry O’Connor, the Larry Elder Show, and KABC’s John Phillips Show, among others.
    Kurt is married to Irina and has two children. He lives in the South Bay area of Los Angeles.

    If Kurt responds to him at all he’s doing him a favor. Chunk is the poor-man’s sad Keith Olbermann of the unprofitable no-income Twitter crowd.

    • Octopus says:

      Schlichter is quite a character, while Chunky has none. Nothing but peevish flab, flapping about in the twitter-breeze. I think I’ll download Kurt’s books later, and see what he’s doing with those. Does Chunky have a book? 😆

      • Because you're dumb says:

        I think it’s a calendar.

        • Octopus says:

          There was also a cookbook…featured such delicacies as “gamy buttocks,” if I recall correctly. Not sure what that was about. That one probably sold a few copies, as it came out before Teh Great Purge, and well before the Moronic Conversion.

  6. Because you're dumb says:

    In Which Donald Trump Tries to Deny “Schlong” Means What Everyone Knows It Means
    9 minutes ago

    Chunk’s Twittering early this morning. Is it possible he read my comment yesterday that by the standards of actual business people like Donald Trump, whom he bashes all day long he’s a lazy late sleeping loser scumbag begger? Naaah! He doesn’t read here.

  7. Because you're dumb says:

    The libtard WaPo portray’s hispanic candidate’s children as monkeys. Nothing from the left surprises me anymore.

  8. TreBob says:

    Poor Charles. Once again he’ll sit alone this Christmas, in his little condo, eating beans and the avocados he steals from the neighbours tree, pondering the complete ruin he’s made of his pathetic life. Perhaps he’ll even stream him a little Carly Simon, or not, to make him feel like he has some sort of relevancy to even the smallest part of the real world.

    Meanwhile, back at the Schlichter’s house, where he has not only a pension from the Army
    but also a sizable income from his other successful ventures, Kurt will be snuggling with a hot chick, surrounded by family and people who love and care about him.

    Charles has to buy himself Christmas presents, cuddle up with an old smelly pillow and a big bag of cheesy-poofs.

  9. Because you're dumb says:

    Wack job leftitst goes to his knee-jerk default and tries to formulate an idea making blacks victims of Trump er something. Fails.

    What’s hilarious is Chunkles Johnsuck wants to be friends with this idiot who usually insults him and calls him a racist.

  10. Because olo says:

  11. Because olo says:

    Still at it… 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆

    • Arachne says:

      Meanwhile, while Kurt fends him off, the Flabmaster 2000 is stuck replying to someone with 370 followers.

    • Arachne says:

      OH SNAP! Schlichter’s appearance on CNN was mentioned by Mark Steyn on Limbaugh’s show yesterday. (Listening to the podcast a little late). 20 MILLION LISTENERs.

      Your calling him Krazy Kurt apparently didn’t bear mentioning, loser.

  12. Because olo says:

  13. Because olo says:

  14. Because olo says:

  15. Because olo says:

  16. Because you're dumb says:

    So apparently taking your dick out in front of strangers, accosting them and raping them in hotel rooms is just “your sex life”. According to Mediate. Not surprised.

    But Trump says “schlong” so not qualified to lead er something.

  17. Because olo says:

    Sock opportunity: Open up a Twitter account with “Outlaw Christianity” in it, and make friends with Toot. Lead him down the garden path to the shanana.

  18. Because you're dumb says:

    “Back when some people still gave Charlatan the benefit of the doubt …”

    It was funny reading this again:

    The guy was being so respectful. It was back before people knew Johnsuck is a lying sack of crap that deserves nothing but derision and mockery.

    • Yep, Hawkins was actually trying to engage Charlatan in honest dialog back in ’09, but Charlatan was either too insecure or too arrogant [same same, right?] to answer Hawkins. In the ensuing six plus years, Chunk has destroyed any vestige of credibility, integrity, honesty and decency he might have possessed.

      • Because you're dumb says:

        In my opinion Chunk already knew he was going to become a vicious and unfair partisan libtard tool.

  19. Because olo says:

    Goose knows shit.

    • Octopus says:

      He has inside-knowledge of ISIS’s command structure. Has the intel community been notified of this alley-sneaking spy?

      • Because olo says:

        Shh. He’s working for the Mossad. The garage bum thing is a cover. Those Jews are so clever…

        Chicken pot pies are kosher. Things that make you say “hmm”.

        • Octopus says:

          After two-three days in the dumpster, I’m not sure the kosher-designation is still legit, even for the “good” chicken pot pies. Depends on the outdoor temps, I guess. Level of rodent activity.

          • Because olo says:

            That’s because you didn’t see the rabbi handing the case of fresh ones to him, and running away giggling. A little bird told me he actually drinks Manischewitz (shudder).

      • Bunk X says:

        He’s not that far off the mark. Disbanding the Iraqi mujadeen was a mistake IMO.

  20. Octopus says:

    I heard this was Daedalus’s drone, that nearly killed the skier in the middle of a run yesterday — be careful! 😯

  21. Octopus says:

    It has come to my attention that a lot of people don’t like eggnog. I don’t understand this at all. A little dark rum to thin it and cut the sweetness a little, a little dash of nutmeg on top — how can you not love this seasonal magic elixir?

    What brought this home to me, was when I came back from the store with TWO cartons of eggnog, and was informed by my wife and daughters that this was a horrible squandering of resources, fridge-space, and “EW, GROSS!” Heathens, they are. Barbarian babies. “You’re the only one who likes that barf.” Good. I’ll drink it all myself, then. 🙂

  22. Octopus says:

    Sanders, like Chunky, needs to leave the comedy to the pros. 😐

  23. Octopus says:

    Did Gustavo foil an armored truck robbery? 😯

    • Because olo says:

      Working for Mossad AND the banking industry. Enterprising guy.

    • Because you're dumb says:

      I watched that. Very interesting guy. Although he seems to be a changed man you still wonder if you could trust someone like that ever again.

      • Octopus says:

        “Trust and verify.” I would never really trust someone like that, in any kind of theft-adjacent position.

  24. Because olo says:

    Meanwhile in Schlongland…

  25. Because olo says:


    • Because olo says:

  26. Because you're dumb says:

    On this day of all things schlong, everyone should listen to Norm MacDonald’s (possibly the greatest living standup) podcast with Andy Dick. These are very funny people.

    Seriously (Ha!) it occurred to me the other day that Norm is shaking out to be another Dangerfield or Rickles.

  27. Because you're dumb says:

    Ha! My wife makes me watch the Catholic TV channel EWTN. I usually grouse that I got church at church. But I’m often pleasantly surprised. I’m watching Ray Arroyo interview the great and hilarious Jerry Lewis. What a treat!

  28. Because olo says:

    Uh-oh. Gus is flirting with white supremacism.

  29. Because olo says:

    I’m glad to see my state DOT is in the job…

  30. Because olo says:

    Oh. My. Gawd. This guy read my mind!

  31. Because olo says:


    • Octopus says:

      …or, they believed the Unicorn Messiah when he said the Taliban was on the run, and he would wrap up the victory in Afghanistan in his first year in office. In that sense, there is failure aplenty. Gus is drinking early, today.

  32. Octopus says:

    The dingbat-witch who did the Cruz-children-as-monkeys scribble yesterday also covered the Benghazi hearing with the same level of artistry, humor and partisanship. Enjoy:

    She finds herself hilarious, I see. 😐

    • Arachne says:

      I shudder to think if a Washington Examiner cartoonist had portrayed the REAL political photo-prop daughters – the Obama girls – in the same pathetic light. Because, you know, Obummer and Mooch have NEVER used them in public ads, no, ever.

      “Are you gonna plug the hole, Daddy?”

  33. Juan Epstein says:

    Not a Carly Simon fan.

    Until she dies.

    Like Whitney.

  34. Because olo says:

    wiener dog wiener dog wiener dog lol

  35. Bunk X says:

  36. Because olo says:

    Ooh! Ooh! Anti-gay dogwhistle!

    • Arachne says:

      Hm….this is intriguing. Normally Fatmaster 2000 makes sure the twitter handle of the individual he’s going after is included. But he didn’t do this with Greenwald. Wonder if he’s finally been blocked by Greenwald and now can’t address him in a tweet or face suspension for harassing someone after being blocked. It used to be his OWN favorite trick to try to get people suspended; that and the reply trap.

  37. pineapple says:

    Fatso is posting his favorite black album covers to #BestBlackAlbumCovers.

    If I was on Twitter I’d add this one.

  38. Minnow says:

    Ding, fries are done – ding, fries are done – ding, fries are done……. ding, fries are done…..

  39. Octopus says:

    Some craic tonight, eh, Gustavo? 😆

    Copy that.
    1 hour ago
    1 hour ago
    Tenor horns.
    1 hour ago
    I did the thing in NY.
    1 hour ago
    God I love Frank.
    1 hour ago
    RT @business: The SEC has been building its own algorithms to spot billions in errant bond trades…
    1 hour ago
    Damn good shit.
    1 hour ago
    1 hour ago
    1 hour ago
    Sometimes you’ve got to cull down the herd.
    1 hour ago

  40. Pakimon says:

    It’s Christmas Eve and time to get festive!

    I was going to post this later on today but I’ve been holding this thing since Dubai. 😆

  41. rightymouse says:

    OK. Who got silenced this time? Fatso really hates being challenged. Asshole.

    • Because olo says:

      Probably one of his own socks.

    • Arachne says:

      You know, I would love it if Greenwald did the same thing to him.
      Oh, and I love it that the only reply he got was from some loser with 5K+ tweets but only 55 followers. Yes, bitch, you are THAT uninteresting.

  42. Because olo says:

    Back on the old hobby donkey.

  43. Because olo says:

    ‘Taint Christmas yet.