A Santa you don’t want to see for Christmas

Charles modified his 10 year old picture on twitter to include a Santa hat.

A lump of coal is what Santa Charles John son would bring you!


160 Comments on “A Santa you don’t want to see for Christmas”

  1. Zimriel says:

    Is the Blogmocracy down again?

  2. kbdabear says:

    Can someone p-shop a Santa hat onto a more recent pic of Fatass?

  3. kbdabear says:

    I’ll bet he “co-wrote” You Are So Beautiful and A Little Help From My Friends too …

    Trivia – the first was written by Dennis Wilson and the second by Ringo Starr

  4. Minnow says:

    What did Joe call you Barry? Perhaps Dick?

  5. Minnow says:

    By the way, what is several times? One night, two different times after you decided to follow him around?

  6. Octopus says:

    I’m calling bullshit on the Joe Cocker jam session. This is the first time he’s mentioned it, and he has mentioned EVERY brush with greatness he’s had, no matter how trivial or slight. Unless there’s videotape, he’s making it up, like he does everything these days.

    • Minnow says:

      Funny how this shit only is revealed after said artist kicks off. I agree, Barry is full of bullshit as usual.

    • Because says:

      I think he misspoke. He jammed Joe’s cock.

    • Bunk X says:

      54Charles Mon, Sep 1, 2003 6:52:22pm
      Bette: Do the club names “The Red Noodle,” “The Lemon Tree,” “The Stuffed Tomato,” “Da Sting,” “Hula’s Bar and Lei Stand,” and “The Point After” mean anything to you?
      I jammed with Carlos Santana at the Red Noodle with my band “Blitzen,” and with Joe Cocker at Da Sting with “Golden Throat.” I miss those days — the music scene in Hawaii disappeared in the 1980s, unfortunately.
      So you lived in Aiea, huh? You’re not Bette Midler by any chance, are you?

      Talk amongst yourselves…

      • Bunk X says:

        We’re all Bette Midler, Charles, and you aren’t.

      • Bunk X says:

        119 Charles Fri, Dec 11, 2009 7:54:03pm
        re: #101 Conservative Moonbat

        Ever get a chance to play with Santana?

        Not in his band, but I’ve jammed with him several times.

        IOW, Charles tried out and didn’t make the cut. Ditto Zappa.

      • trebob says:

        Hula’s Bar and Lei Stand is still kicking. “Honolulu’s best gay-friendly bar”. They have the hunky Santa night coming up. I think we see where Charles’ head is at. 🙂


      • Arachne says:

        Yeah, because a guitarist like Carlos Santana wants a hack like you on the stage with him.

      • trebob says:

        I CALL BULLSHIT! Golden Throat doesn’t seem to mention Charles/Icarus/Stabby in their bio [emphasis is mine]:

        In the ‘70’s, an all-girl local top 40 band started it all for the lead singer of Golden Throat. The all-girl band, called Rock Candy entered a talent contest amongst 22 bands and won (and not only because of their hot pants!). Following Rock Candy, Golden Throat was formed with members Michael Cord, John Dileo, Travis Fullerton (and later Gary Ferguson), Dennis Graue, and Nohelani Cypriano. Prior to disbanding, they released one album in the late ‘70’s, entitled “Golden Throat.”

        Golden Throat opened for many headliners at Conroy Bowl and the NBC Arena and played in Waikiki clubs, such as the Sting, Waikiki Beef n’ Grog and Hula’s. Some of the members of Golden Throat continued with prominent careers in music. Former bass player, Michael Cord established Hana Ola Records and has released many out-of-print vintage Hawaiian recordings. Travis Fullerton moved to Hollywood and played drums for Billy Joel, John Lennon, Bonnie Raitt and many other artists. Gary Ferguson toured with Etta James, Cher, Ray Charles, Bette Midler and other top headliners and continues to teach drums in California. Dennis Graue remains in Hawaii and was the musical conductor for Don Ho for many years, recorded and released his own CDs and continues to play keyboards and performs in Waikiki.

        Since Golden Throat, as Nohe was recording her first LP, she and Dennis submitted their original song for the Home Grown contest and won for their single, “Lihue,” which launched her career and became her first hit. Her first LP included her hit “Living Without You,” “You Are So Beautiful,” and “Moon of Manakoora” and branded her music as Hawaiian funk. In 1982, Nohe continued to write and released her hit, “In the Evening,” and “Remember.”

        During the ‘70’s and ‘80’s, Nohe worked at military clubs, the Beef ‘n’ Grog, Jazz Cellar, Point After, and many other venues throughout the Islands as “Nohelani Cypriano and Hotline.” While performing at Trappers and Esprit, Nohe was the entertainment director and headliner on a cruise ship for 15 years. Nohe continues to record and is a multiple Na Hoku Hanohano award winner for “Best Female Vocalist” and “Contemporary Album of the Year.” In the late ‘90’s Nohe joined the Local Divas—a quartet including Loyal Garner, Carole Kai, and Melveen Leed. They performed to sell out crowds in the Islands and traveled to Japan and Hong Kong. Their last concert in memory of Loyal was in 2001, entitled “This One’s For You.”

        Nohe has performed throughout the mainland—West Coast Tour, Las Vegas, at the National Mall in Washington, DC, Carnegie Hall, etc. She has also toured Japan, Hong Kong, Vietnam, Malaysia, and last year visited seven military bases in Iraq and continues to perform and travel to different countries to spread the aloha spirit.

        Nohe’s latest CD, “Pulelehua, My Precious Butterfly” is dedicated in loving memory to her mother, Leina’ala Simerson, a long-time and respected Hawaiian entertainer. All of the songs on this CD have a special meaning and connection to her Mom and features many guest artists, such as Fiji, George Kuo, Jeff Peterson, and Sean Na’auao. It includes three songs recorded by her mother prior to her passing and the title track is a song Nohe wrote which touches upon the many butterfly signs from her mom. The music on this CD is a loving testament to all mothers and to anyone who has lost a loved one…it is a celebration of life, love, and soul connections. With this CD, Nohe filmed a TV special entitled “Pulelehua” and it has recently won a Telly Award for recognition in the documentary division.

        Nohe’s next release she is currently working on, will be a “Best Of” CD which will include past hits and a few new bonus tracks. This CD should be available this August.

        Charles is a googler, not a doer.

      • Arachne says:

        Indeed – since Fatass went on to play the Duke, Clarke and Jarreau, you’d think he’d deserve a mention as well. BTW, has he ever commented on why he wasn’t included on the Duke tribute album? He’s got a tie to all three of the players and NONE of them called him?

      • Abu not trying to be an asswipe, but it comes easy says:

        One of them has a rock solid alibi, he’s dead, Jim.
        George Duke (January 12, 1946 – August 5, 2013)

      • Abu not trying to be an asswipe, but it comes easy says:

        Alibi? Really, asswipe?

  7. ISpeakJive says:

    Where’s the rest of your suit Fatman. Outgrew it?

  8. Minnow says:

    I keep getting this mental image of Barry in his orange bibs with his long hair….. a stupid grin on his face and a slack jaw…. his head (perhaps) bobbing slightly as he feigns concentration on trying to come in on the beat – – knowing full well he never did and never could…. then breaking into some hideous riff on his guitar that was so “out there” that no one had the heart to say anything.

    He played in some bands, true enough…. but I have always wondered (given his complete lack of musical talent) how he pulled that off.

    Maybe he gives a good blow job?

  9. Minnow says:

    Oh man….. tear jerker to follow… Joe is finally released….

  10. Minnow says:

    I saw Joe open for Stevie Ray Vaughan at the Gorge in Washington a few weeks before Stevie died.

    He was every bit as good as Stevie.


    (Of course, afterwards I drove him around the state in my 1959 Cadillac convertible for 4 or 5 days while we did cocaine and screwed groupies. He loved me…. No shit)

  11. Bunk X says:

    [Insert SNL Joe Cocker/John Belushi skit here.] Feelin’ Alright.

  12. Minnow says:

    repose en paix Joe. j’accuse milieu

  13. Minnow says:

    Did I ever tell you how Otis and I toured Wisconsin in my 1949 Cadillac that one time? Madison was one of his favorite venues. We would sit out on a dock in this little bay on Lake Monona and roll jyntes… and then smoke them very carefully.

    And, you are right…. Otis wasn’t female…. oh bradder – lemme tell yuz….

  14. Minnow says:

    oh – and by the way…. now we are supposed to believe that the cops spied on Wilhelm. And I ask “So what?”

  15. Minnow says:

    I have asked my sons to play this at my funeral….. whenever that should happen…..

  16. dwells38 says:

    Didn’t Chunk say his band in Hawaii was called “Blitzen”? Sounds a little Nazi-ish to me Chunky. Blitzen means flash in English. Why didn’t he just name his band Flash? Or did he mean a flash of uber supremacist white aryan superiority in a land of inferior brown asian people, and hence the name in German?

    I think we know the answer.

    • Octopus says:

      I think “Blitzen” was a Christmas song cover band, named for the famous reindeer who was in a secret gay relationship with the cross-dressing Vixen. They never played with either Santana or Cocker. I wouldn’t believe such a story without videotape, as stated earlier.

    • Arachne says:

      Blitzen means “lightning” in German. Hence “Donner and Blitzen” as reindeer names (thunder and lightning).

    • Because says:

      He hates Flash. He tweets all the time about how unstable it makes his site.

  17. Al-Cheezeera says:

    You all know what this means! By using special Charles Johnson logic, by wearing a Santa hat in his avatar, Charles Johnson supports CREATIONISM!!!!!

  18. Macker says:

    Um…wasn’t ‘selrahC Santa pic up a few hours ago? Why was it taken down?

  19. Arachne says:

    Waiting for Chuck to tell us how he was onstage with the band at the Concert for Bangladesh. Jammin’ with George and Eric and all.

  20. Because says:

    And he’s off and running…

    • Arachne says:

      Unless Jindal is making them all convert to Catholicism, this is Itchy bullshit pure and simple. And I seem to recall there’s a National Prayer Breakfast every year and Prezdint Putz has occasionally attended.

      Shaddup, Itchy. Is it true you jammed with Elton John and John Lennon that night in Madison Square Garden?

      • rightymouse says:

        He may have jammed with Elton John, but not the way you might think. O_o

      • Arachne says:

        Nah – despite the outlandish outfits, Elt has class. If Itchy came toward him, he’d run for the hills.

      • KGB says:

        “Shaddup, Itchy. Is it true you jammed with Elton John and John Lennon that night in Madison Square Garden?”

        Sure, it was that same night that Ludwig and Miss Sssss got back together after Ludwig’s long weekend. He’d spent most of that time with another blow-up named “May Bang”.

  21. windbag says:

    Playing air guitar and drumming on the steering wheel are not the same as “jamming with” your favorite band.

  22. Because says:

    CJ: “Did I tell you about the time I jammed with Bill Clinton in the back of his El Camino? Good times. He plays a hell of a sex … err … saxophone.”

  23. ISpeakJive says:

    Every single higher close since it tested and exceeded the previous historical high at 14K two years ago was “The first time in history!” But whatever, Gus. LOL

    • Changing from full time to part time workers is good for the bottom line

    • Because says:

      Put your thinking cap on…

      What happens to everything including equities when inflation picks up? And what is the inevitable consequence of the Fed pumping money like a North Dakota oil well?

      Now we have no reason to doubt the government’s inflation stats, do we?

    • Arachne says:

      Wow, really? And where’s the soaring GDP to go with it? Where are the full-time jobs? Why are food prices skyrocketing?

  24. Because GINGER!!!1! says:

  25. Octopus says:

    We need a national discussion about this.

  26. Octopus says:

    That pic of Ginger holding his gun really gets Chunky aroused, doesn’t it? Starts talking about “Babycakes,” and other sweet nothings. Just admit you’re in love with a redheaded stranger, Fatass. Who happens to share your generic name.

  27. dwells38 says:

    He’s too busy bragging about how right he is all the time to correct his constant stream of errors. @amysolo123 @ChuckCJohnson
    5 hours ago

    Just keep playing hard to get Chunk, he’ll come around.

  28. dwells38 says:

    Chunk’s prudish Progtud pals claim Sarah Palin frolicks around provocatively in her undies in this video and call her a whore.

    The headline was: “Ho, ho, ho! Sarah Palin wishes fans holiday cheer as sweater falls down: Fans of the former GOP sensation must have been nice this year because Palin appears to have gifted them with the naughtiest Christmas present of all — flesh.”

    Reporter Adam Edelman was armed with snark and loaded for moose:

    “Sarah Palin has gone rogue again – this time, giving her fans a fleshy surprise as a holiday gift.

    The former vice presidential candidate devoted a huge chunk of a recent episode on her online Sarah Palin Channel to all things Christmas, including recipes, family traditions, and apparently, undressing.

    In the episode, Palin demonstrates how to make her favorite iteration of blueberry pie, but as she delicately kneads the dough, her sweater falls down to her arms, revealing a whole lot of sun-kissed Alaskan skin and a sexy black undergarment.”

    Alas, it’s not true. It’s at about 2:10 or so and shows her for 4 seconds (don’t blink!) in a sleeved, yet shoulderless shirt. So I’m wondering if Edelman is actually one of Chunk’s minions. Either Lewdy or Frank Stanklair who has to go whack off in a corner after seeeing a woman’s shoulders and blame THEM for their own retard lust.


  29. Bunk X says:

    coldwarrior wrote:

    ummm….savage texted me yesterday and wanted to put up a requiem.
    mike c is dead of lung cancer…

  30. Bunk X says:

    1974 Hawaii. There’s a voice at the very beginning of the clip that sounds familiar.

  31. Octopus says:


    • Octopus says:

      Note: We haven’t been able to fart proudly about the Wolverines for too long. Shuffling around, muffling our farts, walking away from the crowd to let loose…enough!

  32. Octopus says:

    We don’t like your kind, boy.

  33. Pakimon says:

    Good morning and a merry Christmas Eve to my fellow mockers and taunters of all things corpulent, ponytailed, Cheetos dust covered and dickheaded!

    I’ve been laid up after some emergency surgery and too sore and befuddled with “magic candy” pain relievers to post anything the last week but am feeling much better.

    I figured I’d kick off this Christmas Eve day with something classy. 😀

    • rightymouse says:

      Dude! Glad to see you’re ok!!! 🙂

      • Pakimon says:

        Thanks righty!

        I was only in the hospital for a day and a half after surgery before they sent me home with instructions to take it easy and a prescription for “magic candy” pain relievers.

        Basically what happened was the hiatal hernia in my abdomen I had been dealing with the last couple of years “popped” and got much bigger and in the process caused a “incarcerated intestine” which is when your intestine folds over on itself. Think of a garden hose that you fold over to stop the water flow.

        The doctors at the local care clinic rushed me to the hospital where the surgeons opened me up, unfolded the intestine and repaired the hernia so it wouldn’t happen again.

        Now I’ve got a “Franken-belly” complete with foot long incision and chock full of staples and mesh.

        It’s not hurting near as much as it was earlier in the week so I’m able to back off on the “magic candy” and not be totally befuddled and goofy but instead be my normal semi befuddled and goofy self. 😀

        Fortunately, I have a boatload of sick days with work and health insurance so I’m ok on that front as well.

        I’ll probably be laid up another week before the surgeon will let me go back to work.

        Sorry for getting long-winded but this is the longest I’ve been laid up in over thirty years so I’m getting a little stir crazy. 😀

      • rightymouse says:

        Hubby had hernia surgery a number of years ago & fortunately didn’t go through what you described. Yikes!!!! 😯

        Pain meds are funny. When I had carotid artery surgery after my stroke, I was given Hydrocodone for pain. I took one before I went to bed because of neck discomfort. It barely took the edge off. When I ran out the docs told me to take Motrin. That stuff worked better than the Hydrocodone.

      • Octopus says:

        Damn glad you survived all that, Paki. Reminds me of the time my father-in-law came down with an intestinal blockage, and nearly died. He had emergency surgery, too, and came out fine. He was in his mid-80’s, too, which I’m sure is a lot older than y’all.

        My experience with hydrocodone (after wisdom tooth surgery) is kind of similar, in that I got just as much pain-relief from massive doses of ibuprofen, as I did from the Vicodin, and without the mental breakdown. I have trouble with opiates in general, as I’m allergic to codeine, and anything else just makes me too stupid to live.

      • Pakimon says:

        The “magic candy” I’ve been taking is Oxycodone. They’re not the high powered horse pills so fortunately all they do is make me a little light headed and sleepy.

        The drawback is that if I take any during the day, I “konk out” for hours and wake up in the middle of the night and I’m wide awake for hours… like now. 😀

      • Octopus says:

        It’s fine to be awake at night, as long as you don’t have to operate “heavy machinery” the next day. I’m a night owl myself, with a penchant for early evening naps, and weekend afternoon naps, and naps anytime I can get them in…naps are awesome! I had one today, while the rest of the family was watching “A Christmas Story.” Woke up in time to watch “Elf,” my favorite Christmas movie after “It’s A Wonderful Life,” which the rest of those ingrates refuse to watch with me. They think it’s too sad. I find it very uplifting.

      • Pakimon says:


        I’ve seen A Christmas Story so many times (thanks to the TNT marathon they do every year) I think I can recite virtually every line in that movie. 😆

  34. rightymouse says:

    This is for getting into the Xmas spirit. The incomparable Sumi Jo singing Caccini’s “Ave Maria”