A story the fat, ugly, mentally challenged bastard will not cover

Remember “Bridgegate”? Charles “Fuckface”Johnson along with MSLSD spent hours and hours salivating over “getting” the other fat man, Governor Chris Christie and ruining his career. They felt for certain that a a smoking gun document  would turn up proving that Governor Porkey knew and approved of the George Washington Bridge shut down. Guess what? After  9 months and countless thousands of dollars spent, investigators have found nothing, nada, zip. Tough shit Chunky!

After 9 Months, Federal Probe of GWB Closure Finds No Link to Christie, Federal Sources Say

by Jonathan Dienst, Joe Valiquette and Pete Williams

The U.S. Justice Department investigation into New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie’s role in “Bridgegate” has thus far uncovered no information he either knew in advance or directed the closure of traffic lanes on the George Washington Bridge, federal officials tell NBC 4 New York.

The September 2013 closures — where several entrance lanes to the George Washington Bridge in Ft. Lee were shut down causing a traffic nightmare for commuters — has been the subject of several federal and state investigations.

Federal officials caution that the investigation begun nine months ago is ongoing and that no final determination has been made, but say that after nine months authorities have uncovered no information Christie either knew in advance or ordered the closure of traffic lanes.

“My experience with federal law enforcement is that once you reach critical mass if you don’t have it within nine months or so you’re not likely to ever get it,” former federal prosecutor Robert W. Ray said.

“That’s good news for him,” Miringoff said. “The bad news remains that politically as chief executive it looks like he was not in control of his administration at the time when this occurred. So that remains the downside for him. That doesn’t go away but this panel provides greater credibility barring any further revelations coming out.”

Assemblyman John Wisniewski said the state legislative committee’s investigation into the bridge lane closures is continuing.

When the final report is issued, Christie may still face complications from the scandal, said Lee Miringoff, Director of the Marist Institute for Public Opinion.

According to one former federal prosecutor, who had no involvement in any of the probes into the bridge closure, investigations of this kind will often turn up a solid connection early in the inquiry.

“This is not a Chris Christie investigation,” he said in a statement. “It’s an investigation as to why this happened and who authorized it. As a consequence, this does not change our position.”

Gov. Chris Christie, whose office initially declined to comment, said of NBC 4 New York’s report in a radio interview with NJ 101.5’s Eric Scott Thursday evening, “I don’t want to overreact to it because I’m not surprised by it, and I’m hoping that you know, we can start to focus on things that are important to all the people in the state of New Jersey.”

Spokesmen for the U.S. Justice Department, the FBI and New Jersey U.S. Attorney Paul Fishman’s office all declined comment.


123 Comments on “A story the fat, ugly, mentally challenged bastard will not cover”

  1. Octopus says:

    For Gus:

    Prayin’ for ya, man.

  2. Octopus says:

    For Chunky McDumbth, with lots of love:

    Bless your fat-clogged heart, Fatass! 🙂

  3. Octopus says:


    The parallels between Mann’s futile, chubby-arm-waving threats to block and report “trolls” who dare ask him impertinent questions, and Chunky McDumbth’s idiotic attempts to shut down discussion on his own failed blog and lost Twitterwar, are too numerous and humorous to list. I mean, we’ve seen it all before, like deja poo all over again.

    In case you need a refresher on the “Streisand Effect,” here’s the scoop:

    The Streisand effect is the phenomenon whereby an attempt to hide, remove, or censor a piece of information has the unintended consequence of publicizing the information more widely, usually facilitated by the Internet.

    It is named after American entertainer Barbra Streisand, whose 2003 attempt to suppress photographs of her residence in Malibu, California inadvertently generated further publicity of it. Similar attempts have been made, for example, in cease-and-desist letters to suppress numbers, files, and websites. Instead of being suppressed, the information receives extensive publicity and media extensions such as videos and spoof songs, often being widely mirrored across the Internet or distributed on file-sharing networks.[1][2]

  4. Octopus says:

    You are irrelephant in anyone’s plan, Fatass.

  5. Minnow says:

    I’m sure Barry will have some pearls of wisdom to shed about the 8 ebola aid workers murdered in Guinea.

    Come now Barry, don’t let us down.

  6. PeteP says:

    Fat Charlie has got countless stories wrong over the years and he’s not renowned for making retractions or corrections. So yes, it’s safe to assume he won’t cover it.

    Perhaps one of the lizards might call him out on this?

  7. Octopus says:

    Woof! 😆

    On the internet, nobody knows you’re a dog. In public life, such as politics or the entertainment world (but I repeat myself), everyone knows what you look like. Embrace it! Use a current photo on Twitter, even.

  8. Octopus says:

    Further to the Monkey thread from yesterday: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/18/science/lethal-violence-in-chimps-occurs-naturally-study-suggests.html?src=recg

    I love that people have this fantasy image of chimps as peaceful, lovable clowns of nature, who only get kill-crazy due to human encroachment. Get over it, kids. Bubbles would just as soon rip your face off, as dress up in a suit and make funny faces for the camera.

  9. Inspector fromage says:

    I had no idea or prediction how the bridgegate thing would turn out. I assume all politicians are guilty until proven otherwise

    but when I saw Charles was convinced Christy was guily, I knew the governor had nothing to worry about.

    you see Charles has a flawless track record

    of being wrong

    about everything

  10. The right wing racists made a monkey of me for eight years. says:

    Sung to the tune of Daniel Boone Was A Man – aka Daniel Boone theme song

    Chunk Johsnon Had A Ban

    Chunk Johnson had a ban. Yes a big ban.
    With an eye that was jaundiced when a comment was made independently
    Chunk Johnson had a ban. Yes a big ban.
    He was fat, he was petty and he crapped all over his community

    From a Jihad hawk to a hip Progturd that breaks stories that aren’t true
    The touchiest, pettiest bra snapper that the Twitterverse ever knew

    Chunk Johnson had a ban. Yes a big ban
    And he charged all his users just to not see Asian hookers for a fee.
    What a fraud. Who’s been skewered. What a nightmare from a sewer was he.

    • Bunk X says:

      “Born on the aftermath of 9-1-1;
      Green Little Footballs was a-havin’ some fun.
      Raised holy hell about Rather’s fest,
      An’ stole hisself a place on the Internest.

      Charlie, Charlie Johnson, King of Teh Blogosphere.”

  11. The right wing racists made a monkey of me for eight years. says:

    Are you a microscopic cog in someone’s catastrophic plan? lgf.bz/1BRJB2t
    13 hours ago

    Asks a milyo-less has been blogger reduced to regurgitating progturd memes on Twitter in hopes of getting any traffic.

    Chunk’s not even a microscopic cog which would presumably turn some other tiny gear. Chunk has no purpose even in the Progturd catastrophic plan.

  12. ISpeakJive says:

    So Chunky was sure the evil fat white man was guilty and the angelic fat black man was innocent.

    Not for any actual reasons, but because this is the way the world “should” be in proggie-land.

    Stereotypes, in other words.

  13. Octopus says:

    Like hell you do, Fatass. 😆

    (unless he’s talking about Iceweasel and her pet toad)

    • trebob says:

      Only the idiots are heartbroken.

      Uh, Mr. Scotsman, when you separate from the UK, what will you do to protect your country from outside invaders.

      Mr. Scotsman: Dunno

      Uh, Mr. Scotsman, when you separate from the UK, what will you do for currency?

      Mr. Scotsman: Dunno

      Foreign Policy?


      What will happen to the economy, how will the banks react, will many business relocate?

      Dunno, dunno, dunno

      Sounds like a bunch of Quebecois to me. They had the same answers when they were touting independence.

      Drink up!

      • Bunk X says:

        That’s kinda my take, without knowing the nuances.
        I want California to secede from the Union, so that Mexico can annex it and seal the borders.

  14. rightymouse says:

    Charlie is spamming his followers with Chuck Johnson tweets. What a loathsome stalker. He needs to be reported!

  15. Octopus says:


    Great article on the Left’s history with religious overtones, leading up to their current religious adoration of Teh Warmening. The lies that must be swallowed to get to their current state, etc. Short and sweet…too bad Chunky has zero reading comprehension, because it might really help him.

  16. Octopus says:

    Obama as “Bush Light?” Well, aside from the fact that Bush was a president fully engaged in the job, who believed in principles and fairness, and who governed during a terribly difficult time with the full weight of the self-identified Liberal MSM against him all the way…one can’t help noticing that Unicorn Messiah does all the same things militarily, except too late and with poorer execution. Because he’s a shitty president, with no qualifications whatsoever, and no temperament for the job.

  17. Arachne says:

    And then there’s this, from the loathsome Jeffrey Goldberg


    He sent out a snotty ass tweet bashing Sarah Palin, then quickly deleted it, because he said he “didn’t want death threats.” Except no one can remember seeing one and there is no evidence there ever was.

    But I’m sure Johnson will soon be tweeting that the RW loons threatened death on Goldberg (without any proof whatsoever) because that hypocrite thinks bashing conservative women is okey dokey in his book.

    • Inspector fromage says:

      Charles doesn’t have time to report on other people’s fake death threats. he’s consumed with his own fake threats, fake nasty emails, and in stalking two dozen legitimate bloggers

      • Arachne says:

        I see he’s desperate to keep the Ferguson myth alive.

      • Arachne says:

        That dipshit Goldberg is the most disingenuous shitbag going – I’m sure he and Chuck are besties. What really happened is he thought he was being effing CLEVER, discovered that people didn’t find is so effing funny, quickly deleted it before he was further humiliated on Twitter, and then claimed to have gotten a non-existent death threat as the reason for the deletion, so that instead of being seen as a complete and utter jackass, now he’s a pathetic little VICTIM.

  18. Arachne says:

    Oh and looks like Jim Hoft was asked to address the Eagle Forum. The biggest group Fatass has addressed recently was to tell five kids to get off his lawn.

  19. Arachne says:

    Well, he calls it a “lawn”, no doubt. The kids were just looking for a soccer ball that landed in there. What scared Chuck is that one of them was using a machete.

  20. Arachne says:

    I know I do the football stuff on the Mother Ship but as a Saints fan, watching Goodell squirm the way he is, all I can picture is Sean Payton, sitting in his office in the SuperDome, leaning back with his feet on the desk, cigar in hand, smiling his ass off.

    • Octopus says:

      Goodell’s squirming a bit, but he’s not about to resign that cushy, super-lucrative job. He just has to survive the next five minutes or so, and people will forget. Short attention-span theater has its uses.

  21. Abu says:

    Saw this today and had a chuckle. Bet they never thought of Dew bottles as urinals like our Chubby Stalker friend. Warning: hillbilly gun play.

  22. windbag says:

    Maybe Chunky won’t comment because he has other plans for the weekend?

  23. swamprat says:

    “Sorry Jimmah and IceWeasel. I was working up a
    “Scotland the Slave” (Scotland the Brave) parody, but my hearts not in it.

    Never thought I would see Scotland outdone by Jamaica and India.

    This is a sad day

    • swamprat says:

      top ten signs of Scotland not being independent

      kilts sold in dress shops
      Jamaicans feel sorry for them
      India offers to protect
      Campbells breathing MUCH easier
      Haggis now made with clotted cream to really jab the tourists
      Bagpipes will be reworked to sound like harmonicas
      Scots to bow to the British and thank them for “protecting” them
      British subjects in Scotland to ride at the front of public transportation
      All Scottish women to be referred to as “Heathers”

      First Minister of Scotland to wear a gimp suit when attending official functions

  24. swamprat says:

    Charles Johnson @Green_Footballs · 7m

    Our political system is amazingly fucked up. The worst people get the biggest rewards.

    So now you’re against Obama?

    • Octopus says:

      What an incredibly racist comment! I can’t believe he’s ripping on the black-brown underclass, like this. Is Fatass drunk on one too many Chimays?

      • Octopus says:

        A much younger, slimmer actor portrays Chunky McDumbth doing a shot the Caliente! way:

      • Pakimon says:

        Meanwhile, Gus is harvesting Chunky’s “brown notes” (Don’t ask me how he does it, you don’t want to know) as an alternative eco-friendly fuel source with predictable results.

  25. Octopus says:

    Big deal. You make that much, too. Just pro-rated, over a billion years or so. Save on taxes that way. 🙂

    • Minnow says:

      So would you Barry if you had any talent at all. l’d venture to guess that most visitors to this site make an annual salary in that range….. I know I do.

      It really isn’t THAT much. Hell, My yacht upkeep costs, my new car budget, my travel…. my insurance…. well – frankly – they eat up a lot of that. Oh yeah, let’s not forget the hordes of illegal immigrants I have on staff that do everything from pool cleaning, lawn mowing, gardening, painting – my rusty nut and bolt replacement specialist.

      Well, I guess most people will understand.

      $4-million just doesn’t go as far as it use to.

  26. Octopus says:

    Not everyday you find a lost can of Sterno, that had rolled under the workbench where the paint and solvents are haphazardly stored. Now for a nice drinky, and a good smoke.

  27. Octopus says:

    When I first saw this headline, I honestly thought it was an Onion joke. Still not 100% sure they aren’t involved, somehow. PETA doesn’t have a sense of humor, and they can’t be this crazy, can they?


    • ISpeakJive says:

      My old college roommate is one of their policy directors. The first time I went to her house, her Mom had made a leg of lamb. I didn’t eat it because I don’t eat baby anything.
      I love a good steak though, but now she won’t even eat an egg and calls cow milk “mucus.” PhD daughter of hippie moonbats. She’s both the smartest and dumbest person I’ve ever known. A real strange mix. So, yes, to answer your question. LOL

      • Octopus says:

        It’s fascinating to see how humans complicate their lives, over-thinking food into some kind of morality play. We’re omnivores, like bears, pigs and lots of other well-adapted creatures. It’s a good thing. We can survive on a very broad range of nutrients.

        One of the things I enjoy about the horrible TV show, “Naked And Afraid,” is how quickly the silly squeamishness about eating anything goes away, when you’re truly hungry. I’ve only seen one vegan gal survive to the end without touching any meat-snacks, and she nearly starved to death, in only 21 days. In the wild, you will eat your snake, lizard, worms, grubs, babies (preferably not human babies, but…), and you will be thankful to have it. Amen.

  28. ISpeakJive says:

    I’m sorry, I can’t be your friend.

  29. ISpeakJive says:

    If you make minimum wage, you don’t have a shop fix it, you go to a junkyard and get a new scissor/motor thingy for about $40 or you go the dealer and get a replacement part for $125 and put it in yourself. It’s not brain surgery.

    You’re not doing the whole poor person thing right. So helpless. Geeze.

    • Inspector fromage says:

      doesn’t his homeowners policy cover his car window?


      • Octopus says:

        Gus broke his sister’s car window, in a drunken stupor the other day. Now she’s screaming at him to buy her a new one. This could endanger his comfy living situation, if he doesn’t figure out a way to placate her. She’s still pissed about the dishwasher. Blood is thicker than water, but Sterno is more volatile than either.

  30. Bunk X says:

    This reminds me of Gus.

  31. Octopus says:

    Meet your new friends…ISIS! Not Islamic, said the Unicorn Messiah. Why are they committing genocide on Christians, I wonder? Just a coincidence, probably, like the Jewish journalists they behead routinely, even if they’re non-observant or Muslim-converts.

    This is nasty, so don’t watch it if you’re not in the mood to see blood and horror. Always nice on a Saturday morning.

  32. Abu says:

    The wife and I just had breakfast and did a little shopping w/ our only child who is back from her 1st month of college for the weekend. The hug we shared at the train station last evening will forever be etched in my mind. Oh, did I ever cry. She lost 8 lbs and loves campus life. I can’t stop telling her how proud I am of her. The cats looked pissed as the quiet of our empty nest has been shattered.
    She’ll be gone in the morning not to return until Thanksgiving break.

    • rightymouse says:

      Bless you for telling her how proud you are of her. 🙂

    • Octopus says:

      Know exactly what you’re going through, Abu. It’s hard, but eventually you adapt to the changing status of your relationship with your grown baby.

      We spend a lot of time worrying about our older girl in NYC, and then last week, our girl at MSU is at a campus party where a fight breaks out, leading to a stabbing. So stupid, and alcohol-related. Just hope they use good judgement themselves, and steer clear of avoidable trouble. 😯

  33. rightymouse says:

    Speaking of the Y Generation, went with my autistic 20 year-old to the bank today to get his first checking account. He’s had a savings account for years. But he has a full-time job now and needs to learn how to manage his weekly pay-check and start paying some bills, i.e. gas for his car.

    • just poop says:

      so he’s basically leaps and bounds above the vast majority of Obama voters. at age 20

      well done

      • Octopus says:

        Awesome that he’s doing so well, on the right track towards responsible adulthood. It’s not easy to learn the ways of this world for anyone, at such a young age. Good work, ‘Mouse! (and son)

      • rightymouse says:

        There are a lot of entry-level jobs available in manufacturing companies if young folks are willing to work hard, are reliable and don’t do drugs/abuse alcohol. The turnover in my company for these jobs is horrific due to lack of work ethic and use of drugs/alcohol.

      • rightymouse says:

        At my son’s company, many of his co-workers from Mexico. I presume they are legal because the company is a fairly large one and my son had to produce a driver’s license and social security card. I think it says something about the unwillingness or lack of preparation on the part of our ‘born in America’ youth to work entry-level jobs and move up the ladder.

      • just poop says:

        when I was a college yute, I worked for a tree farm. I was the only white kid. the only non-Mexican period doing the job I was doing. Worked side by side with lots of much older Mexican men. like really old. broken and bent. they worked 10 times harder than me and I know I was earning more than any of them. they hired me to work the cash register but also made do labor when the real clerk was there. those dudes busted ass, and I learned so much by working with and hanging with them.
        one Saturday I forgot money and had no money for lunch, and they shared their food with me.
        some really tasty tacos too.

        I think of that springtime of hard work, and I think of the hipster punks and the lazy fucks like Gus and I want to spit on them

        speaking of yutes, I see the Brady hoke team is getting clowned by Utah. Brady is toast

  34. rightymouse says:

    Sheer insanity. Can’t be warming and colding at the same time. Idiots. O_o


    “Antarctica has set a new sea ice record, which is odd considering the global temperature is rising, though scientists said global warming is likely the reason for the increase.”

  35. rightymouse says:

    I’m sick of it too. Get off your fat ass & get a job. Same thing for Gussy.

  36. Octopus says:

    Ms. Wagner remind you of anyone, in her obsessive behavior?

    Also, the sheer fail of it. 😆


  37. rightymouse says:


    “At least communism mainly kills humans. Guess that’s why the envirohysterics love it so much.”

    Even my Dad, who was born in China and witnessed the atrocities of WWII, hasn’t figured this out, and he has a PhD.
    Not a stupid man at all. But he and my mother buy into this crap. WHY????

    • Octopus says:

      What is his PhD in? I remember when I was learning about Uri Geller’s tricks, and other parapsychological hoaxes of that time, the tricksters loved to use physicists as “proof” that their tricks were legit “Mental Powers.” The scientists were easily deceived, as they weren’t used to dealing with skilled sleight-of-hand and illusionists. It took a seasoned magician, The Amazing Randi, to expose and disprove the chicanery of that crop of hucksters.

      The theories about why smart people believe in dumb things are numerous and varied, but if I had to summarize, I’d say that even the smartest of us are capable of being deceived under the right circumstances. Once you buy into a line of hogwash, it’s very hard to admit you were wrong, especially if you’ve been public about your opinions. It’s hard to admit to yourself, too, that you’ve been had.

      I’m going to dinner soon with a couple of my wife’s relatives, perfectly nice people, but one of them is a believer in various conspiracy theories, and the other is a hypochondriac who has been milking the system for 20 years due to her chronic fatigue, which morphed into fibromyalgia-lupus-???, none of which show up on any medical tests, but have effectively prevented her from working. So, I’m going to have a drink and smile a lot. 😉

      • rightymouse says:

        Dad has his PhD in Linguistics. He is a Biblical scholar & expert in ancient Greek & Aramaic. His translation guides are published. He’s considered an expert in his field.

        Good luck with your rellies. lol!

      • Abu says:

        Have a lot of drinks and smile. FIFY

        BTW: My Chicago Blackhawks look as good as any team has EVAH after 2 days of camp. Now come the season long nagging injuries. Your Wings?

      • kbdabear says:

        Those Gellers are unscrupulous with their Mind Tricks aren’t they!

    • just poop says:

      your boy is wicked smaaht

  38. Zeus Crankypants says:

    The theories about why smart people believe in dumb things are numerous and varied, but if I had to summarize, I’d say that even the smartest of us are capable of being deceived under the right circumstances.

    On that subject… witness my latest article in the newspaper I work for…


    I am a magician and mentalist, have been since I started fooling around with magic at the age of nine.

    I knew Randi personally when I lived back in New Jersey. He’s a seasoned skeptic and very good at it.

    • trebob says:

      That article was written by some guy named “”Walter L. Newton, Correspondent” and as we all know, your name is Zeus Crankypants. At any rate Walter, (if that’s who you really are and if I’m who I really am) then great job. It’s also very satisfying to see that you save all your dickishness for us. Lucky us!


    • Minnow says:

      Walter, that was a very interesting article that you wrote – AND, well written. It was easy to read through and when I finished, I wanted more.

      It is so amazing to see (here in this loosely-knit circle of friends) that there truly is someone who can write a “piece” that others can enjoy and learn from.

      And of course, then, there are others who do nothing but talk about their “pieces”, but couldn’t write themselves out of a Mountain Dew drenched paper bag.

      But, back to the matter at hand….. living (as I do) out here in the middle of no where, the late night dog barking recently has prompted me to dig out the game cams and replace the batteries.

      They are sitting over there and tonight I hope to get them mounted to see if I can determine why all the barking!

      Bigfoot?, Black bear? Meth Heads? We will see!

      I will keep you posted.

      • Zeus Crankypants says:

        Thanks. I write 10-15 articles a month for that paper… and take the damn pictures, and write the headlines, and the picture kickers and cutlines.

        It was all I could do to keep a straight face and not get dickish with my hosts during that camping trip.

        There was so many quotes I could have used but they would have looked really silly.

        I bit my tongue.

      • Minnow says:

        I think you presented it fairly. And as for the passion the two were showing? Let crack pots be crack pots… 😉

      • Pakimon says:

        I’ve heard that Culver City, CA is a hotbed of blobsquatch activity.

        Numerous attempts to get photographic evidence of this elusive creature have not panned out.

        I would suggest setting out a bag of Cheetos and a 2 liter Mountain Dew in front of a trap cam.