Welcome, Hatchlings!

Charles New Followers

LGF Welcome New Hatchling

Welcome to LGF Little Green Hatchling!

As a new member of Little Green Footballs there are some things you need to be aware of. I suggest you copy and memorize them so that your LGF privileges are not suspended without warning.

1. Read the LGF Comment Rules and follow them. The LGF Comment Rules are enforced randomly and may change without notice. Non-compliance may result in your LGF privileges being suspended without warning.

2. Do not link to, or comment on, websites that are not approved. You are expected to know which websites to avoid. Linking to, or commenting on, such unnamed websites may result in your LGF privileges being suspended without warning.

3. Do not mention The Stalkers by name, even if you don’t know who they are. This may result in your LGF privileges being suspended without warning.

4.  Do not contradict my opinions, nor those of the majority on LGF. Always “upding” me, always “downding” Killgore Trout. Doing otherwise may result in your LGF privileges being suspended without warning.

5. Do not advertise adware pop-up blockers. This may result in your LGF privileges being suspended without warning.

6. Contribute to LGF to reduce adware pop-ups. Failure to do so may result in your LGF privileges being suspended without warning.

7. Enjoy your probationary status as a new member of the LGF Community. Probation ends one year from enrollment, although it may be extended or reduced at any time. Violation of any of  Rules 1 through 12 may result in your LGF privileges being suspended without warning.

8.   Change “may” to “will” in items 1 through 7 above.

9.   [Pending]

10. [Pending]

11. [Pending]

12. [Pending]

Cordially, Charles F. Johnson


107 Comments on “Welcome, Hatchlings!”

  1. Octopus says:

    Lemme at those Javascript tips! Where have you been all my life, Charles?

  2. Make no reference to Hunan rice. References to Hunan rice may result in…etc…

  3. Octopus says:

    Before the Race Detective Lynch Mob goes riding tonight, it might help to wait just a sec for the facts in this case to emerge. This could easily be an altered, edited audiotape. Seems the gf threatened Sterling, and might have set him up. I’m going to take a wait-and-see approach on this one. If she’s really an embezzler, a stunt like this would be nothing.

    Donald Sterling has come out swinging, with the Clippers organization right behind him … saying he and his team don’t know if the audio TMZ Sports released is legit … but he says it does NOT reflect his views toward African Americans.

    Sterling and the Clippers organization tell TMZ Sports, “We have heard the tape on TMZ. We do not know if it is legitimate or it has been altered.”

    The statement goes on … We do know that the woman on the tape — who we believe released it to TMZ — is the defendant in a lawsuit brought by the Sterling family, alleging that she embezzled more than $1.8 million, who told Mr. Sterling that she would ‘get even.'”
    And the statement goes on, “Mr. Sterling is emphatic that what is reflected on that recording is not consistent with, nor does it reflect his views, beliefs or feelings. It is the antithesis of who he is, what he believes and how he has lived his life.”

    And there’s this: “He feels terrible that such sentiments are being attributed to him and apologizes to anyone who might have been hurt by them.”

    Read more: http://www.tmz.com/2014/04/26/donald-sterling-clippers-statement-racist-tmz-sports/#ixzz3033JNYtp

  4. Octopus says:

    Do not take a skeptical position on Teh Warmening!

  5. Doppel Milyo says:

    5 new hatchlings this week, ( 4 of which are socks, bitch)


  6. Apollodorus V says:

    I think he’s talking about the Twitter followers he acquired during last week’s trainwreck. Maybe about 30. Takes a month for that many to stumble into the Swamp.

    • kbdabear says:

      That’s what it looks like, he’s crowing over maybe 50 followers he gained over the Greenwald Butthurt-a-thon. I wonder how many of those are war hawks who’ll drop him as soon as they get multiple leftist talking points and hysterical rants on their Twitter TL’s

    • Arachne says:

      If they do at all. Someone might have said “check out this asshole doing a meltdown” and followed just so they could watch in real time.

  7. Minnow says:

    I think it just may be time for Barry to request another apology from Glenn Greenwald to deflect away from this Donald Sterling bullshit he fell for….

    Yes…. a deflection will do nicely thank you.

  8. Because says:


  9. Octopus says:

    Do not make fun of my artisanal cheese fixation.

  10. Octopus says:

    Do not make mention of the thin content or glacially-slow loading time of the blog.

  11. Octopus says:

    Basically, this…only MUCH fatter and scruffier!


  12. Because says:

    Do not mention the pannus pannus pannus lol.

  13. Octopus says:

    Do NOT quote Dr. Woodcock!

    …the only reason we regularly hear that we have had the most extreme weather “since records began” is that records only began about 100 years ago.

    “The reason records seem to be being frequently broken is simply because we only started keeping them about 100 years ago. There will always be some record broken somewhere when we have another natural fluctuation in weather.

    Gee, Fatass…that seems kind of anticlimactic, eh? Or should I say, anticlimatic?

    Dr. Woodcock must really hate science, right? Oh, wait…

    Emeritus Professor of Chemical Thermodynamics at the University of Manchester and has authored over 70 academic papers for a wide range of scientific journals. He received his PhD from the University of London, and is a Fellow of the Royal Society of Chemistry, a recipient of a Max Planck Society Visiting Fellowship, and a founding editor the journal Molecular Simulation

  14. Octopus says:

    I follow a tweeted link to Fatass Swamp to check out the “bloody Netflix teaser” for the last season of “Teh Killing,” and it’s about two seconds long, containing nothing. Thanks for that, Fatass. And then, my sensibilities are assaulted by this offensive, sexist come-on:

    Nice blog, Chunky. Really good content.

    • d&d says:

      Because that’s such a reputable company. Amazing how everyone is going to get matched to a beautiful young sexy horny Thai girl who’s REALLY into old white American guys (Chunk’s demographic). Even if it were true it would obviously spell sexual slavery and misogynistic hate crime. But hey, pays the bills so who cares. This guy Chunk is such a fucking clown.

      Chunk, get a fucking job. You’re nothing but a parasite.

  15. d&d says:

    Because in the Marxist greenie libturd new world order that Chunky Johnson advocates for, some people are always more equal than others. They need big gas guzzling cars and fancy big houses so they can think up new ways to save the planet and to help the people.


  16. Octopus says:

    Never go to the Donkey Show. That rule should be tattooed on your cerebral cortex by now, underlined in blood. OLT has enumerated the reasons why such a visit to Tijuana’s own “Celine Dion et Cirque du Don-kay” can and most likely will be ruinous.

    However, the Zonkey Show in Mexico is delightful. Go! Bring the kids. 🙂

    • d&d says:

      Wow that’s a cool animal. However it’s likely going to grow up sterile. It will be a viable healthy animal though most likely. I Googled it and some idiot scientists coined the term “Zeedonk”. I kid you not. Totally whiffing on the much catchier “Zonkey”!!. Fucking pinhead scientists. Anyhoo evidently due to speciation (Equus evolution) the chromosomes can’t pair properly during meiosis “to allow crossing over and successful segretation of homologs into new daughter cells”. Whatever the fuck that means. Is segretation a word? Did they mean segregation? Are they racists??? What the hell is a homolog??? Is it why Chunk wears a ponytail and arches his back coily when the subject turns to Teh Ghey Marriage??? i couldn’t give a shit. But Chunky does and needs to let the world know that this is one Zonkey show where he dropped his drawers and let a minority have it’s way with his over-pivileged nether regions. Just on principle alone. At any rate I think it means they can fuck all they want and they’re just shootin’ blanks.

  17. Bunk X says:


    92 goddamnedfrank4/25/2014 7:24:02 pm PDT
    re: #63 Dark_Falcon
    Your kneejerk GOP cheerleading is sadly expected. Rene Ellemers is a bigoted greasy piece of trash who opposes marriage equality, a fundy who believes life (and hence personhood) begins at conception, and she voted against reauthorizing the Violence Against Women Act.

    Your thoughtless, impenetrable gang mentality is just the most depressing, pathetic thing ever.

    110 Dark_Falcon Apr 25, 2014 7:36:25pm
    re: #92 goddamnedfrank
    You can go fuck yourself.

    Way to go Dork. What a smackdown.

    • swamprat says:

      They’re snarling at each other like dogs.
      The ones who think independently are hated by those who follow the party line on every particular.
      Obdicut and GodDamnedFrank(!) act like old men deprived of the pain medication they desperately need.
      I tried to avoid going there after seeing a particularly nasty comment a few days ago, but I thought that might have been a fluke. This time nothing but snipe and snark.

      Really don’t need to look at the comments there. One has an impending loss to deal with and I hope he finds and provides peace.
      But it truly has become Animal Farm as far as the interpersonal relations. Politically, it has the depth and joy of a North Korean factory meeting.

      • Bunk X says:

        It’s difficult for most to stomach the fabrications of The Swamp, but you can’t get the full impact of the idiocy without donning the wetsuit and taking a dive.

        LGF has moved beyond “echo chamber” –they’re creating sub-memes within the blog and convincing each other that the memes are true.

      • swamprat says:

        The madness that accompanies sensory deprivation; with little outside input, they create their own versions of reality and accept them as real.

      • swamprat says:

        Speaking of North Korean factory meetings, here is a link to North Korean news,


        I can’t go directly to the english page, but here it is.


        Kim is telling his boys to get better at flash shelling drills and quit being so unable to think on their feet. He acknowledged the lack of training due to building infrastructure, but still wants them ready.

        He looked a lot happier when he toured the cookie factory,looking like a little boy in a candy store.

        I am posting this so Lizards (who don’t read here, BTW) won’t be fooled by the DPRK twitter parody site

    • Kurt's plans for goddamnedFrank says:

      Diss me punk, that;s when I put my balls in your mouth

      remember that goddamnedfrank

  18. Bunk X says:

    One take.

    • d&d says:

      Nice fun eclectic pop piece. A for effort and well executed! I’ve worked in a cubicle environment for years and I’m sure many of those young musicians have too to make ends meet, so I liked the ironic juxtoposition of expressive music with souless corporate businesslike tasks. And sometimes you have to pay your dues and learn to be a well heeled human in order to earn your spot in any limelight.

  19. d&d says:

    I don’t think Hatchlings even has any meaning anymore except at that stupid place. It implies a kind of infancy where you aren’t really trusted as a full fledged commenter there. No one goes somewhere to be moderated by some dickhead anymore. Everyone by now realizes the internet’s a big place. They certainly do moderate at other blogs but it’s done by anonymous moderators. They typically don’t come into the comment thread and start mocking and berating the banned commenter. At least I haven’t seen that much myself. Like at Breitbart the comments just disappear. No one comes into the thread and starts bloviating “That’s the last straw. I just won’t put up with that sort of thing…blah, blah” like Chunk does. It’s all so last decade over there at the swamp. Other blogs that started when Chunk did now have many pro writers, multiple tabs on multiple high-level categories. He’s still so one dimensional. And the others don’t post random guitar videos or Java tips that no one cares about. This guy’s just a narcissist and a clown.

    • Bunk X says:

      “Hatchling” was a couched descriptive word equivalent to the defamatory “noob.” At LGF it became a dog whistle. The noob had to run a gauntlet of loaded test questions, and if he/she gave an unacceptable answer, the hive was loosed.

    • Bunk X says:

      “It’s all so last decade over there at the swamp.”
      That’s it exactly. Charles Johnson is stuck in 2004.
      What else happened in that year?

  20. Octopus says:

    This is for Rightymouse, when she wakes up Sunday morning. 🙂

  21. d&d says:

    So anyhoo this is the supposedly relevant blog from the post 9/11 era. Last 3 posts. It’s like it’s ran by children. But these are all Chunk’s personal posts.

    Your Delightfully Odd Music Video of the Day: Shugo Tokumaru – Poker
    What did I just see? Charles Johnson Music • 5 hours, 31 minutes ago • Views: 2,162

    Hilarious New Bad Lip Reading Remix: Twilight III
    Hot potato! Charles Johnson Humor • 11 hours, 33 minutes ago • Views: 4,227

    Rand Paul: “You Go to a Republican Event and It’s All White People”
    Simple truths stated by a liar Charles Johnson Politics • 1 day, 4 hours ago • Views: 9,506

  22. Octopus says:

    No wonder L’il Asswipe was so out of sorts the other day, when he went off on Steve Wynn. Did I mention he’s one of the Tiny Men of Hollywood, according to insiders? Not the ween, I know nothing of that, but he’s several inches shorter than his official height, wears elevator shoes constantly, and has to have special sets constructed for scenes to help hide his vertically-challenged physique. And this “fiance” (he’ll weasel out of this one, too) is clearly taller than he, causing him much anguish. 😆


  23. stabby says:

    What no mention of downding dogpiles, wrenchwench wordsalad hate comments or endless hot air from IThinkI’mStillMasturbatingBurmaShaveIMeanObdicut?

    • Bunk X says:

      Speak Spanglish.

    • Bunk X says:

      …who loned it through the streets of Idaho seeking visionary indian angels who were visionary indian angels, who thought they were only mad when Baltimore gleamed in supernatural ecstasy, who jumped in limousines with the Chinaman of Oklahoma on the impulse of winter midnight streetlight smalltown rain, who lounged hungry and lonesome through Houston seeking jazz or sex or soup, and followed the brilliant Spaniard to converse about America and Eternity, a hopeless task, and so took ship to Africa…

      I liked The Loathesome Sir better.

  24. Pakimon says:

    Javascript tips go great served on a bed of Hunan rice with a few dashes of soy sauce.

  25. rightymouse says:

    Javascript sucks….

    • Because says:

      Javascript is like Tabasco. Use a little, and use it artfully. Don’t use it by the tanker load.

      And keep it out of the hands of idiots like Chuckles.

  26. Kurt's gentle reminder to goddamned Frank says:

    Don’t mess with me


  27. Kurt's not so gentle reminder to goddamned Frank says:


  28. rightymouse says:

    Here’s a special story just for Killgore. Frog weddings in India. Maybe he could host some in his backyard.


    • Octopus says:

      At least those frogs are getting married. Killgore’s are just fornicating sinfully, in public. While he surreptitiously views their illicit couplings.

  29. Octopus says:

    The moonbats are livid, that this conservative woman dared to mock the “War On Women,” their most precious fantasy. 😆

  30. Octopus says:

    Teddible, teddible news for Chunky and the Moonbat-Islamist Moronic Convergence:

  31. Octopus says:

    This is what passes for “clever satire” in the hallowed halls of Libturdia Proper:

    APRIL 24, 2014

    WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) — Republican politicians blasted the Nevada rancher Cliven Bundy on Thursday for making flagrantly racist remarks instead of employing the subtler racial code words the G.O.P. has been using for decades.

    “We Republicans have worked long and hard to develop insidious racial code words like ‘entitlement society’ and ‘personal responsibility,’ ” said Sen. Rand Paul (R-Kentucky). “There is no excuse for offensive racist comments like the ones Cliven Bundy made when there are so many subtler ways of making the exact same point.”

    Fox News also blasted the rancher, saying in a statement, “Cliven Bundy’s outrageous racist remarks undermine decades of progress in our effort to come up with cleverer ways of saying the same thing.”

  32. Juan Epstein says:

    And here I thought that JavaScript was the product of a diseased, homophobic mind.

    • Because says:

      Nazis invented the jet engine.

    • Arachne says:

      Indeed it was. A diseased homophobic mind that in 2008 held the same opinion of gay marriage that Obama, Clinton and most of the Democrat party espoused. Same opinion that most African-Americans and Hispanics hold TODAY. So therefore using JavaScript is not only homophobic, it is RAAAAACIST.

  33. Octopus says:

    Hitler loved dogs and children.

  34. Notwithstanding my own 5 socks, just what might be the total of banned who re-enter the snake den via 5 or more socks.

    Yes , CJ you are on the blog lots of times and your old buddy is there talking commie earth first / Obama love and you just eat it up.


    • Arachne says:

      I have a couple myself. They were made from my cousin’s computer in BOSTON. I post a comment or two from time to time to keep my hand in, and then have to take a shower after looking over there.

      Rev up that correlator tool fuckface and remember the LAST flounce I did. At least Sharmuta was awake to delete it when the East Coast netizens at the Blogmoc posted it at 3:00 a.m. PST.

  35. Octopus says:

    Gwyneth got dumped, and she’s very special. Not like the rest of us filthy rabble, who eat regular food and are poor. She needed to talk to Terry Gross about being dumped, who is also very special. http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/shouts/2014/03/terry-gross-interviews-gwyneth-paltrow-about-uncoupling.html?intcid=obnetwork

    • Arachne says:

      I love that term “uncoupling” – makes her relationship sound like two freight cars.

      • Octopus says:

        They saw the light at the end of the tunnel, and yes, it was an oncoming train of dumped. 😉

    • d&d says:

      That was cringe-inducing. Gross immediately took the interview to a retarded place because she’s more insterested in trying to impress people with her deep knowledge of jazz (free jazz, swingj bebop – see? She’s knows they exist) than in her subject. Apparently conscious uncoupling reminds her of some term related to modern jazz, but for the life of me I can’t think of what it would be. I think she might be confusing it with “stream of consciousness”. But that’s a literary device. At any rate she’s a complete idiot. Paltrow tried to play along with the music analogy to the tune of woeful lameness since she didn’t understand why it was introduced to start with. I don’t know much about Paltrow outside her movie roles but to me she’s handling this break up like a real self-absorbed twit.

    • rightymouse says:

      “PALTROW: You know, Mario and I, when we’re together, we are all about fun. So the night I told him, I cried a little. And then we rode around the Italian countryside in a convertible. Then we bought some fresh fish. And then we made a paella, and after my second glass of Tenuta dell’Ornellaia Masseto Toscana I said, “Mario, I feel like you need to consciously uncouple from those zippered vests you wear.” And we laughed. And the paella tasted more wonderful than ever that night. So fresh. So new.”

      Good grief. O_o

    • iSpeakJive says:

      Please tell me it was satire, because I was sure it was.

  36. kbdabear says:

    Chucky Cheetohs Twitter Timeline Summed Up

  37. Pakimon says:

    Grrrrr. Flyers lose 4 to 2 to the hated Rangers due to some sloppy play and some officiating help in the last minute. 😡

    No problem. Game six is in the City of Cheesesteaks on Tuesday and revenge will had… 😈

    • Octopus says:

      Finish them in NY, in front of their fans. Perfect!

    • Abu says:

      What a grind. Tuesday revenge is served cold. My Hawks won 4 straight and get a few days off. Hopefully they are just hitting their stride.

      • Pakimon says:

        Congrats Abu!

        (Going to save the obligatory ice girls video for the start of the next series) 😉

  38. Kurt's outsmarting of an old FOOL says:

    My Dad took my fucking boom box away. Can you believe that shit.
    HAHAHAHAHA old man, like I can’t watch my favorite band on youtube. Dumb old man

  39. Octopus says:

    Poopshovel rocks! 😈

  40. Octopus says:

    Furious Burka: Honey, I Blew Up The Trailer

    It seems that American Jews and Christians are much more of a threat to Americans than a bunch of non-assimilating Muslims, practicing their sharia-governed lifestyle in rural Texas. So shut up and move along, she explains.

    Time to Grow Up

    There are real threats out there, people who would very much like to do us—and by “us” I mean anyone who disagrees with them—real harm. Yes, some of those people are Muslim, and you know what? They’re as much a threat to law-abiding Muslims as they are to everyone else. Being an observant/Orthodox Muslim with a beard or hijab doesn’t automatically make someone a jihadi/terrorist any more than being an observant/Orthodox Jew with payot and a black hat makes someone a Kahanist, or being an evangelical Christian wearing a crucifix & carrying a Bible makes someone an abortion clinic bomber.

    Grow up, America. Stop acting like a bunch of cliquish, backbiting adolescents and get on with the business of tending to our country and protecting all our citizens.

    • Arachne says:

      I’d like to ask the jihad apologist if she ‘d be more comfortable sitting next to a woman wearing a burka on a cross-country flight or one wearing a crucifix. I bet Jazzy McGreasytail would be looking for ways to get off the plane if he looked up and saw that the guy with the aisle seat looked like Mohammad Atta.

      • swamprat says:

        The story against these people is pretty much bunk.
        The FBI “documents” aren’t good enough to come up to the level of fake.
        One map shows all sorts of things to associate this place with bad stuff, but the map has all kinds of unrelated things just flung together- attacks by muslims, against muslims, against Hare Krishna people, just garbage.
        No pictures that show anything of note or value, just unsourced assertions.

        As to Furious Burkas’ post:

        Grow up, America. Stop acting like a bunch of cliquish, backbiting adolescents and get on with the business of tending to our country and protecting all our citizens.

        That is excellent advice. Apply it to Christians, conservatives, Republicans and yourself and then maybe we can all get along. But this divisive crap was presented by the malignant and believed by people who should have known better. It was not mainstream. You and your blog are the first to believe the most outrageous and despicable slanders against the right, often taken out of context or misrepresented and apologies or factchecks don’t come along very often.

    • OLT's Yes, I Do Realize I'm Something Of An Asshole, I Consider It A Calling says:

      “or being an evangelical Christian wearing a crucifix & carrying a Bible makes someone an abortion clinic bomber”

      Oh, man. If Stalker Charles wasn’t STUCK with you, Furious, you’d be banned for that.

      But I love how non-bigoted you think you are on your anti-Christian anti-Semitic bigot blog.

      • OLT's Yes, I Do Realize I'm Something Of An Asshole, I Consider It A Calling says:

        Just to clarify: LGF posters and Stalker Charles are:

        Bigots, Racists, Stalkers, Liars, Phonies, Fakes, Hacks, Liars,Thieves, Pervs, Shirkers, Malingerers.

        Other than that, nice folks. Well the socks are mostly nice. Some of the rest wouldn’t make respectable cockroaches.

  41. rightymouse says:

    Charlie’s a relephant victim here!!!! Pay attention ellybody!!!!

    • Kurt's busting of another Chuck lie says:

      Let me just say that if BB and his anonymous pals wanted to hack LGF they would have hacked LGF.

      there is no try with those people. Clearly they thought he wasn;t worth the effort

      Charles is a LIAR again.

      but I hope he pisses them off and they take him up on his challenge


        I don’t get it … did Anonymous’ boobs spurn Stalker Charles too?

      • swamprat says:

        “I don’t get it … did Anonymous’ boobs spurn Stalker Charles too?”

        No so far just Barret Brown. He was favored by charles for his atheism then fell from grace for his antisemitism If I remember correctly. Later I believe Killgore hilariously said he was in the Russian mob. He posted here for a time with various levels of acceptance.

      • OLT's Because BEWBS says:

        Was small joke. OLT remembers this Barrett Brown, likes rubbing Pam’s chest in Stalker Charles’ face better.

        LOL, did I just say that? He wishes, I am sure.

    • swamprat says:

      Oddly, wiki doesn’t mention LGFs being cited in Breivik’s manifesto.