Obsessive Blogging: A Cautionary Tale Of Width and Depth

As we watch the decline of Little Green Footballs, we realize the Diary Of Daedalus follows the same path by default. That doesn’t mean we are going to quit kicking a dead horse. As long as the Magical Jazzy Ponytail keeps posting teh stoopids, we’re gonna keep highlighting teh stoopids because it’s so easy and so much fun.

2002 CJs Ride 1

At the intersection of Vista del Sol and Camino del Encanto in Palos Verdes, California, a quiet seaside community with million dollar 1,400 sf. homes, awesome happened.

CJ 2002 cycling2-big

In 2000, a lone bicyclist turned left and rode downhill toward the shore. A stalker positioned at that exact intersection snapped at least two photos of our boy Charles Johnson. He was so proud of the pics that he posted them on LGF to proclaim to the world:
“I AM CHARLES, AND I AM A BICYCLIST!”

CJ THE GALATRON

“This photo is from a training ride in Palos Verdes; just starting to lean into the turn, pressing that outside foot down hard on the pedal. Oh, and don’t send me email telling me to wear a helmet; I never ride without my helmet now.”

So The Galatron set up a tripod to capture The Galatron’s awesome as The Galatron pressed that outside foot down hard, eh? Meh. We don’t really care about your sensitive flannel ego, Charles, but what we’d like to know is how, in 10 years and 40,000 posts later, you went from that to this:

ZOMBIE JOHNSON

Rock on, brah. We love ya man, and keep pressing that outside foot down hard.

[Images courtesy The BRC.]

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115 Comments on “Obsessive Blogging: A Cautionary Tale Of Width and Depth”

  1. Briareus says:

    Sure, everyone changes as they get older, but Charles has a dimple in his goiter.

  2. Macker says:

    Here’s what happened: Iceweasel and Killgore Trout!

  3. dwells38 says:

    He was misled into biking by some right wing crazies.

  4. windbag says:

    Time and gravity take their toll.

  5. Speranza says:

    Why I parted company with healthy eating
    by Charles Foster Johnson

    • Arachne says:

      I always love those idiots in the cycling t-shirts covered with “sponsors”.
      I wear my old running tank – solid color – when I’m riding my bike. And my Cal hat. No helmet. I cannot and will not wear one of these teardrop things. I ain’t in the Tour de Fatass.

  6. Blue socks, blue gloves , blue hat,, blue bike,, very girl.

    What gear is he in?

    How long is the hair?

    Is he a reg. rider with any scantioned bike group and what are his times?

    Any 100 mile ride times?

    Any photos from any rides to prove up him in the scantioned rides where the ride number shows and that number is in fact his number as registered.

    Only the cheetos know.

  7. Juan Epstein says:

    Seems like a diverse neighborhood.

  8. dwells38 says:

    Billionaire Koch Brothers Spending Millions to Deny Health Coverage to Low-Income Americans lgf.bz/180gatT 1 hour ago

    Millions eh? Seems a waste of money when the 0care websites don’t work at all and no one can sign up anyway.

  9. Octopus says:

    As we watch the decline of Little Green Footballs, we realize the Diary Of Daedalus follows the same path by default. That doesn’t mean we are going to quit kicking a dead horse.

    No, that’s the thing about dead horses. Once you get them down, you have to keep kicking, stomping, and dropping the occasional big elbow on them, pro-wrasslin’ style.

    We’re not going to desert you, Chunky, like all the others have done. We’re with you for the long haul, however long it takes. When we get to the end, we’ll both know it, and we’ll re-create that last scene from “Thelma & Louise” together. Yes, you can hold somebody’s hand…Rightymouse is a kind soul, she’ll probably accomodate your sweaty paw.

    • rightymouse says:

      BITE YOUR TONGUE!!!!!!!!!! 😯

      • Octopus says:

        Why are you in the backseat with Chunky? 😕

      • Octopus says:

        He’s rumored to be “all hands,” you know. Orange, sweaty hands, fumbling all over. 😯

      • Octopus says:

        I wonder whatever happened to that bike. Is it quietly rusting away in his backyard? Sitting on two flat tires in his basement, next to a pile of moldy comics? Was it stolen by Christian Fundies?

      • rightymouse says:

        I’m NOT IN THE BACK SEAT WITH ANYONE, ESPECIALLY FATASS!! GAWD!!! 😯

    • Because 1-800-MILYO says:

      It’s true. When’s the last time Pam’s ever mentioned him? Hoft? Iowahawk? The only blogger who even bothers to throw the occasional rotten tomato any more is R.S. McCain.

    • livefreeor die says:

      Thanks a lot, Octopus. You made me feel sick to my stomach.
      Rightymouse needs to swat you upside the head with a naked picture of Oprah.

      • Octopus says:

        I am sorry about that. At the time, I thought it was funny, but now I see it was just wrong. Sorry, ‘Mouse! Hope you can forgive me.

  10. Voltaire's Crack says:

    Are those baseball cards in his spokes?

    • dwells38 says:

      That was right before he hit the curb and went headlong into someone’s yard and explained to the onlooking children “I meant to do that”.

      • Arachne says:

        By the way, is it worthwhile to point out to the future Wonderwall of Blubber that in those photos the dumbass is riding on the effing WRONG side of the street?

        Look at position of bike relative to stop sign.
        Mr. “I AM A BICYCLIST” is lucky he didn’t wind up as Mr. “I AM AN ORGAN DONOR.”

      • Because 1-800-MILYO says:

        Bicyclists do tend to be dickheads like that. Laws are for four wheels. I think they should start charging licensing fees and mileage fees and maybe a general dickhead tax.

  11. Octopus says:

    It’s remarkable the way Glenn has morphed into a supervillain in Chunky’s twisted little mind. He’s become the diabolical evil dude, out to destroy the country. Must be from Fatass reading too many comic books in his formative years — those things are packed with supervillains.

    • osprey1 says:

      Glenn Greenwald, the Ernst Stavro Blofeld of bloggers. Chucky is just jealous he doesn’t have a spiffy Nehru jacket, Heidelberg dueling scar, persian cat, secret underground lair and a bevy of sexy un-Mata Haris to do his evil bidding.

    • livefreeor die says:

      Um, Chunk,
      Let me rewrite your post with a couple of teeny-tiny changes that more accurately portray what is happening to our country right now:
      Barack Obama is systematically trying to do as much damage to the US as he can. He’s not even pretending to be “hopeychangey” now.

    • Macker says:

      Perhaps selrahC tried to make a pass at Glenn…and he was rebuffed!

  12. Abu :) says:

    So have we really stopped intelligently refuting Charles and moved on to mocking his looks? Have we?
    Carry on.

    • Because 1-800-MILYO says:

      No, the occasional intelligent comment is still ok, but rotten tomatoes and eggs are preferred.

    • Not mocking his looks. Rather, what this proves is that Johnson’s current state is 100% the result of his abrupt decision to lock himself in his house with his keyboard and two 30″ monitors and obsessively blog for the next 10 years.

      I think like the title says, it’s a cautionary tale.

    • Octopus says:

      That happened years ago, Abu. Hey, the content is thin. The man has gotten obese. 😆

  13. trebob says:

    Kind of like when Kilgore went over to Hot Air to post all those racist comments for you huh?

  14. dwells38 says:

    Shit Chunk used to say:

  15. dwells38 says:

    We haven’t seen CJ in awhile. He’s been combining his passions: biking, zombies and video games: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=El7wpntO8yQ&feature=player_detailpage

  16. rightymouse says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

  17. dwells38 says:

    I wonder how many sock puppet accounts have been registered at Little Green Footballs by Fox News? lgf.bz/180j01M 52 minutes ago

    Chunk fantasizes that Fox News knows about him.

  18. dwells38 says:

    Chunk, this is what the world is talking about. Not Fox News:
    http://weaselzippers.us/2013/10/21/reporter-takes-obamas-advice-calls-1-800-obamacare-number-gets-referred-back-to-glitch-filled-website/

    The Preezydent is now lying daily about his failure to implement his new law. He lied earlier saying that the website works even better than expected. He lied when he compared it to an iPhone.

    Consumer Reports has a guy, Ben Simo that tests web software professionally and they interviewed him about it:
    http://www.consumerreports.org/cro/news/2013/10/tips-for-creating-heathcare-gov-acount/index.htm

    If you click through to his website here are some of his posts that document 0bummercare website useability and alarming privacy and security flaws: http://blog.isthereaproblemhere.com/

    Healthcare.gov chokes on its own cookies

    Healthcare.gov is returning stack traces to the browser

    Healthcare.gov could not create a Marketplace account

    Out of memory at line 1

    Healthcare.gov sent my username and more over insecure HTTP

    Healthcare.gov is still not handling the load?

    Healthcare.gov email subscription system discloses Marketplace user email addresses

    Healthcare.gov protects your account with insecurity questions

    Healthcare.gov tells people to wait for email that was not sent

    Healthcare.gov’s mobile header is mobile

    • livefreeor die says:

      Hmmmm….
      Methinks Charles has been more involved with the development of Obamacare than he told us.

  19. Doppel ICYMI says:

    having recovered from knee surgery in July 2011 and running my first marathon yesterday and finishing in under 5 hours at age mid 40 something, I can say that Charles Icarus fuckface is a victim of being a lazy slob

    lazy with his body and lazy with his life
    and since his blog is his life, he’s lazy at blogging too

    given his girth and sedentary life I can imagine he’ll go moobs up any time now

    and I will register a dozen socks that day and leave a few thoughts there befitting a man who shit on Andrew Breitbart before he was even buried

    • dwells38 says:

      Way to go! I’m a 5Ker and really only a jogger. I can go about 45 min and the bod just seems to start asking “Why are we doing this again?”

      • Octopus says:

        dwells38 :
        Way to go! I’m a 5Ker and really only a jogger. I can go about 45 min and the bod just seems to start asking “Why are we doing this again?”

        I used to run a lot in my late-20’s and early-30’s, until suffering a severe case of shin-splints after a 10-mile run that shut me down for months. I got into different kinds of exercise after that, and never really regained my stride in running. I feel like trying it again, as we have a new treadmill and new dog that needs exercise. Could be a thing, if we go about it intelligently.

    • Octopus says:

      Way to kick ass, Dop! I’m feeling shamed, like I should go for it next year, as one of my neighbors did this year for the first time. Damn you guys, for shaming us non-runners! 😆

      My sis-in-law did her usual half-marathon, finishing in 8 mins per mile. She’s now raised over $25,000. to fight cancer, in 12 years of running the Detroit Marathon. I think that’s pretty cool, considering how many of us have lost our parents and friends to various forms of this disease.

  20. The Osprey says:

    Charles had an “unfortunate bicycle accident” which in reality was caused by sabotage of his velocipede by agents of the Vlaams Belang and those naughty racist Tennessee Flag waving Suid Afrikaners from the AfrikanerWeerstandsBeweging. His problem was compounded by a Tea Party and Ron Paul supporting orthopedist who prescribed excessive amounts of Prednisone, leading to the bloated and irritable Chucky we know today.

  21. osprey1 says:

    Vista del Sol? The anthem of the Spanish Falange is “Cara al Sol”. Coincidence? I think not!

  22. The bike had a name, as it turned out:

    “Mr. Purple”

    no joke

  23. dwells38 says:

    So anyway they decided to go with a Canadian company:

  24. This is pretty funny, from the 2001 archives:

    had a very nice, relatively peaceful ride today — only 35 miles, nice medium tempo. the only time we picked it up was when we had to drop a poor schlub in a t-shirt who tried to hitch a free ride in our draft.

    The LGF 100% Guaranteed Way to Drop a Schlub

    first, pick it up to 25 mph. most reasonably fit riders can hold it at 20-24, but there seems to be a sharp dividing line at 25. (this was enough to drop today’s schlub.)

    if the schlub can hang onto a wheel at 25 for a little while, just hold it there and wait for the hill. hit the hill at 25 and hold it at 25 all the way to the top (preferably without standing up or opening your mouth to breathe; whistling is also good, if possible), then continue to hold it at 25 after it levels out again. 99% of the time, the schlub is dropped.

    if the schlub manages to hang on at 25 up the hill, then stays with you on the flat at 25, well… he (or she) ain’t no schlub! give him his props.

    then drop him in a sprint.

    Poor schlub was wearing a t-shirt! Bah!

    • Pakimon says:

      Given Chunky’s present “dimensions” and his proclivity for black t-shirts, I’d say he’s been relegated to “shlub” status.

      Karma is a cruel mistress… 😆

      • Octopus says:

        Pakimon :
        Given Chunky’s present “dimensions” and his proclivity for black t-shirts, I’d say he’s been relegated to “shlub” status.
        Karma is a cruel mistress…

        What an egomaniacal a-hole he was, way back when. Good freaking Lord, get a grip, Fatass! 😆

    • Barry Soetoro, esq says:

      if the shirt don’t fit
      you must rip it

      -Barry

    • Stonemason says:

      He is full of shit. 25 mph, up hill? I’ve been riding for a few years (47 now), with a friend who has been riding for 15 years (he’s 35). I barely crack 10 mph on PA hills, he can hit 15, tops. Average 25 mph? reasonably fit? Bullshit, that’s some serious pedaling.

      • poteen2 says:

        30, maybe 35 is no problem for a meth fried blood doper. Ask his hero Lance. Lance knows.

      • dwells38 says:

        Yeah but that was back when he was all hopped up on right wing brain controlling drugs.

      • trebob says:

        Yeah, but considering how Charles count page views, perhaps his analysis of speedometers is equally flawed. i.e. 5kph = 25mph.

        🙂

      • Because Ludwig's Fizzicks says:

        Let’s assume a grade of 15%. Then 25 mph = 3.75 mph vertical speed. Let’s assume he and his bike together weigh 200 lb. 3.75 mph * 5280 ft/mi / 3600 sec/hr * 200 lb = 1100 ft-lb/sec = 2 HP.

        2 Horses? Or 2 tons of horseshit?

        Science, Chucky! Science!

  25. Frank Sinclair says:

    Octopus :
    Why are you in the backseat with Chunky?

    Um…that’s your wife in the back seat with Charles.

    • trebob says:

      Look kids, it’s Frank the Nazi.

    • OLT's Frank's Clenis Burns When He Types says:

      I hope Stalker Charles has life insurance and platinum Obamacare with diamonds. My wife can be an utter bitch when the mood strikes her, and I don’t think Derp Fatasz could possibly stay ahead of her if he managed to butter his way out of the backseat. She can’t cook, either, so all that meat and blubber will go to waste.

      Frank, can you get the car down to the shore so that when she does kill him the carcass will be close enough to the ocean to be confused for a great moobed whale and the poor deluded potsmoking addle-brained hippies will shove him into the Pacific? Just to keep the smell down, you know.

      Thanks, babe. You know I count on you for these things.

      • Pakimon says:

        Might not be such a good idea.

        They might mistake Chunky’s moobed carcass for Frabby’s mother and just blow it up with dynamite instead. 😆

    • rightymouse says:

      Frank is such a laff riot! What a guy! 😆

    • Al-Cheezeera says:

      This troll is way better than Stabby. Stabby’s just a lame talking points regurgitation machine.

    • poteen2 says:

      Octo. You’re wife’s boobs are rather small compared to Charlie’s. You must be an leg man.

  26. OLT's Limpus Dickus says:

    Voltaire’s Crack :
    The jokes write themselves.

    Mr. Purple is your penis penis penis LOL after you damage that important nerve on that damned bike seat.

    Which explains the fat, sedentary lifestyle. Self-neutering!

  27. Back in the day, CJ apparently had a thing about posting rather creepy-looking thumbnails of himself, too:

  28. Frabby Stinclair says:

    I agree! Thai shemales are much more appealing!

    • rightymouse says:

      I’m not sure why ANYONE would want to see ANY ads at your stupid website, let alone pay not to see the creepy toenail fungus and ladyboy ads.

    • ChenZhen says:

      Funny that the early days of lgf had quite a few posts form Johnson whining about the evil sites with their banner ads and sneaky pop-ups.

      in many ways, hes become everything he used to despise. In this case, a sneaky ad programming tshirt wearing schlub.

    • dwells38 says:

      Because they figure you’d appreciate it after seaching the rest of the page for anything interesting.

  29. Pakimon says:

    He should posting the link to the Obamacare Healthcare Insurance Market instead of ads.

    Like this one – http://tinyurl.com/lpj2kjq

    Click “APPLY NOW” and you’ll see how great it is.

    Truly a remarkable achievement by Our President! 😀

  30. trebob says:

    At least we know it’s not just Frank who wants a Nazi police state.

    http://www.infowars.com/americans-sign-petition-to-support-nazi-style-orwellian-police-state/

    • Because 1-800-MILYO says:

      If Chucky J. started talking up the third Reich (the trains ran on time, etc.), would Alouette start goosestepping?

  31. Because 1-800-MILYO says:

  32. Because Eureka! Now go fix Obama's web thang. says:

  33. iSpeakJive says:

    I don’t think your thighs are supposed to jam into your chest when you pedal, he’s too horizontal or something.
    Maybe he quit biking because it was making his back hurt.

  34. Charles Johnson is the orginal “and/or circit” and he can not get that in the right order.

  35. kbdabear says:

    Uh oh, Jazzy Bikepants is going to have a confusing moment before he declares this to be Fauxtography by Pammy …

    Again, “Palestinian” Muslims fly Nazi flag next to a mosque in Judea and Samaria

    http://atlasshrugs2000.typepad.com/atlas_shrugs/2013/10/again-palestinian-muslims-fly-nazi-flag-next-to-a-mosque-in-judea-samaria.html

  36. Octopus says:

    iSpeakJive :
    I don’t think your thighs are supposed to jam into your chest when you pedal, he’s too horizontal or something.
    Maybe he quit biking because it was making his back hurt.

    He really misses having that hard “seat” rammed up his ass for an hour or two a day, that’s for sure. His mood has really suffered, since he gave that up.

  37. Because Moobs Up says:

    dwells38 :
    Yeah but that was back when he was all hopped up on right wing brain controlling drugs.

    Those dastardly Koch bros, pushing steroids with right-wing brain control drugs on unsuspecting bikers.

  38. The Osprey says:

    Arachne :
    Considering he used to call his cycling posts “Cycle of Violence” I’m amazing he didn’t call them “Cycle of Violets” instead.

    Ah yes, the Cycles of Violence posts, where our valiant Chucky would do battle with the “fascist headwinds”.