The Ruse and Fail of Little Green Footballs: Part IV – The FlouncesPosted: September 25, 2012
This is Part 4 of a monograph about a blog named Little Green Footballs and its founder Charles Foster Johnson. Click the links below for related posts. They will be updated as the series continues.
Part 1 – Overview
Part 2 – The Ascendance of Charles Johnson and LGF
Part 3 – The Bannings
Part 4 – The Flounces
Part 5 – The Turnaround
Part 6 – Current Events & The Future Of LGF
Bonus track: Revisiting Rathergate
PART 4 – THE FLOUNCES
In contrast to The Bannings, there were many who saw the writing on the wall at Little Green Footballs. Rather than wait for Charles Johnson’s own sock puppet “Stinky Beaumont” to fetch the banning stick, they decided to leave voluntarily. Most just walked away quietly, but there were many who wanted to have one last word before they left. These comments were referred to as “flounces.”
The record of “flounces” is sparse, as once a member of Little Green Footballs announced that he/she was leaving, Johnson would delete the comment, often within seconds, depriving other lizards and the public from reading the complaint. Once a lizard “flounced” he/she was no longer welcome, and was mocked by the remaining hive of LGF supporters. No matter how popular or prolific the “flouncer” had been at LGF, he/she was instantly demonized and smeared as someone who shouldn’t have been allowed to post in the first place.
In some ways a “flounce” was more offensive to Johnson than overt trolling because it was a defection – one of his loyal supporters had decided to abandon him – and that was unacceptable. Johnson considers himself to be a benefactor who is owed allegiance. Once the allegiance is breached, the former lizard is deemed to be an enemy.
Many flounces were unremarkable, merely something along the lines of, “Charles, I wish you well, please delete my account.” Others were more explicit. Still others found themselves blocked and banned in absencia and resorted to posting their grievances on their own blogs or elsewhere. While not technically “flounces” they served the same purpose.
Patterico was one of the latter. After pointing out that an image of Obama polishing Sarah Palin’s shoes was a photoshop created by a registered Democrat employed by the Colorado Department of Transportation and providing proof, Johnson decided that Patterico had to go. The un-doctored image in question was of a white woman getting a shoe shine from a white homeless man. There was no racism involved until Johnson said there was. Once Patterico dispelled the myth, Johnson responded with the classic YesBut: YES it is a photoshop by a Democrat. Yes it was posted by government worker, BUT the Republicans did it according to Johnson.
Some flounces had been simmering for a while. Veteran lizard “Cato The Elder” was having financial difficulties at the same time Johnson was pressuring his fan base to donate money to LGF. Cato had had enough. 
Cato knelt, exposed his throat and flounced with three simple words, each loaded with a dumpster full of acidic sarcasm. “Do it now.” 
Of all the eloquent flounces, perhaps “Earth2Moonbat” summed up the frustrations the best in September 2009, presented here in it’s entirety. 
What’s up, Chuck? I feel like Rip Van Winkle. I leave for a couple years, and come back, and like this place turns into Kos. WTF happened? Does Spock have a beard? Is this some bizarro alternative universe? I mean, I didn’t mind your bike threads. After all, I guess if you want to show off in front of your lizardoid minions like this, it’s your blog, not that there’s anything wrong with that. So I went along. Even when Sharmuta started turning into a groupie. I even remember the one when your bike broke, and Irish Rose gave you a lift.
Things started getting a little weirder when the creationism threads started popping up. First a couple. Then a bunch more. Then it turns into a full-fledged evolutionist jihad. What’s a Pastafarian supposed to think when you insult my noodly savior? Of course, the Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe, you heathen! You and your puny Darwinian religion are no match for the Great Noodly One!
So anyway, this place started getting kind of weird. It’s like wall-to-wall evolution 24/7. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but it’s also not the way science is supposed to work. Science isn’t supposed to be jihad, and it’snot supposed to be cheerleaders with pom-poms chanting “hey hey…ho ho…creationism has got to go”. It’s supposed to be resolution of observation and theory. I don’t think Darwin would appreciate this shit if he were alive.
I mean this evolution jihad is like 22 metric shitloads of WTF. But then you go off on another jihad masquerading as science by talking shit about climate skeptics. Do you know a proton from a crouton, Chucky? Do you have even the most basic tools to understand this issue? No? Then why don’t you follow Jillette’s wise advice, and STFD and STFU? I don’t get it, is your bike missing, or something? As we Pastafarians all know ,lack of pirates causes global warming. Haven’t you ever heard of theArrrr-henius equation?
So anyway, you go to Jimmy Hansen’s minions’ site realclimate.org looking for the indisputable truth. As you can see, they’re run by EMS. If you follow the money, EMS leads back to Fenton Communications, and ultimately back to the Tides Foundation. That’s the same Theresa Heinz’s Tides Foundation that gave Saint Hansen a quarter million just for giggles. You did know that Hansen is Gavin’s boss, right? If you think this is how things are supposed to be, you’re denser than I thought. Show me one skeptic anywhere in the world who received even a research grant, let alone a stringless gift like that of that magnitude. I double-dog dare you.
WTF happened to the skeptic who didn’t want to take Dan Rather’s libel at face value? Have you forgotten what put LGF on the map? It was because a good citizen debunking of the powerful propagandists attracted a lot of smart people to a site that represented the best of the web. Your 15 minutes was when you successfully pulled a WTF check off on the high and mighty Dan.
I guess that was then, and this is now. Did I mention that your precious Jimmy Hansen is a creationist abuser of Godwin’s law? The wierod had the unbridled gall to call his detractors “deniers”. Do you think that’s just ducky, Chucky, when some narcissistic prick abuses the Holocaust for political purposes? Oh, yeah. I forgot. He’s ‘saving creation’ (his words). That makes it ok to use the Holocaust as a tool.
But it gets worse. He then claims that it’s a scientific fact that coal cars are the equivalent of the rail cars that Hitler used to carry people to Auschwitz. But he’s a great hero, right? Saving all creation, right Chucky? Then if that’s not enough, he calls for aNuremberg trial for oil executives. And supports eco-terrorism. And he’s not a fan of democracy. Yes, Chucky, he’s 100% loony-tunes. He thinks he’s Jor-El.And I’m putting the most charitable possible interpretation on that.
I’m sorry, but you’ve really gotten yourself mixed up with a bunch of USDA grade AAA Godwinizing pricks. You’ve just joined forces with GeorgeMonbiot. Y’know,the original “moonbat”? Well, I’d say that’s123 metric shitloads of WTF in the WTF truck. That just blew the tires out.
So you’re confusing Captain Planet with Mr. Science. I guess that happens when you watch a couple episodes of Bill Nye the Science Guy,and think you’re a string theorist. But then you start getting seriously deranged. You start getting paranoid and delusional. You start imagining corporations and white supremacists stealing your bike. I can’t believe you just banned Dotty, Chuckles, but just chill. It’ll be ok. Just close your eyes and repeat after me: “there are no white supremacists stealing my bike”. If that doesn’t work, there are some remarkable new pharmaceutical products that work wonders. A reliable source tells me that your bike is in the basement of the Alamo.
I thought it was a little peculiar the way you went jihad all over Geller and Malkin. You have to wonder about a guy who uses a Mac, not that there’s anything wrong with that. But it is sorta weird. That dumped another 43 metric shitloads of WTF into the WTF truck. The springs just bottomed out.
Then you went on a jihad against those whom you pejoratively call “nirthers”. Clever. Cute. One person does a typo, so they’re all”nirthers”. I mean really. Neener, neener, you’re a nirther. Are you trying to refute their arguments, or did you regress into junior high, and think you’re in a lunchroom foodfight?Are the nirthers in on the conspiracy to steal your bike, too?
But then things get even weirder:
The Center for the Study of Carbon Dioxide and GlobalChange is a front group for Exxon-Mobil.
[532Charles Thu, Apr 30, 2009 1:01:05pm]
A “front group”? I hate to break the news to you, but it isn’t Exxon-Mobil trying to steal your bike, Pee Wee, it’s Francis.Over the course of 11 years, E-M donates $90,000 for the support of CO2science.org. That’s a little over $8000/yr. That total sum over 11 years is one third of the amount that Theresa Heinz gaveHansen. And the Idso brothers are running a “front group”? A little black helicopter much there?
I mean OMG ponies!1!1!1! Big Oil has a “front group”. Jezuz Frik on a pogo stick! Big Oil is so 2008. Haven’t you heard? The conspiracy these days is the Big Health Insurance. Just remember, here’s what will happen to your bike under ObamaCare. And your gramma, too.
The insurance companies have front groups, too. Did you realize that? Oh, I guess it’s a big secret. Let me fill you in on the Big Secret: Lots of industries have “front groups” by your definition. By your logic, any time any private company donates to any group, it becomes a “front group”. And you have the chutzpah to call the birthers crazy. Add 422 metric shitloads of WTF to the WTF truck. It’s spilling over the sides and on the cab. You’regoing to be responsible for a toxic WTF cleanup.
After that, I didn’t think it could get any worse. I was wrong. Van Jones is an unmitigated dickhead. I would have thought that you’d take Zombie’s word for it. But it appears that your jihad against Glenn Beck trumps any reasonable assessment of Jones. So you say:
Van Jones is incredibly respected among environmentalists. I know you hate him, but that’s just a fact.
[24 Charles Sun, Sep 6,2009 9:56:14am]
Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but WTF does that have to do with with the price of peanuts in Trinidad? Catholics respect the pope. Does that make the pope an expert on anything other than religion? That’s787 metric shitloads of WTF. I can’t even see the truck anymore.
And just when I think you can’t get any nuttier, you go totally splodynannas all over everybody. I was vaguely aware of your jihad against Beck, but not against Stacey McCain. Here you are getting in an argument with Stacey McCain. But then you go jihad on Stephen Green, the vodkapundit, for guilt by association!WTF? He publishes some real time reports from McCain in the field,and now he (and everybody else at PJM) is an enemy of the people. This was my heads up that you had serious issues. I was hanging out at PJM, and then this wild display of insane jihad came out of nowhere. You’re going jihad on the vodkapundit, because of his reporter. Then I followed some comments to Kirly’s list, and lo and behold! Over1300 bannings!
That in itself was kinda bizarre, but I looked on the list of the banned. Such wild screaming white supremacists as: Bob’s Kid, Carl in Jerusalem, Kirly, Little old lady, Goddess of the Classroom, Jheka, Loppyd, and N.Y. Nana. Chucky, that’s all wee-wee’ed up. They ain’t got your bike. Johnson, don’t be a dick.
Nutty as that is, you outdid yourself by banning Iowahawk! I mean Jezuz Frack in a Cadillac, Iowahawk! The jester. The funny guy. Have you no sense of decency, sir? At long last, have you no sense of humor? I mean for crying out loud, if you have that pongo instinct to pee all over, don’t pee at the clown! What kind of a person pees at a clown? If you can’t help but pee, pee in your own mouth, but leave the clown alone. I don’t understand why you nuked Iowahawk, and still put up with TFK, not that there’s anything wrong with that.
I think I get it. You want to hang out with the Kool Kos Kids. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but how’s that working out for you? I think you need to face something. It’s time you learned the awful truth. Yup, Chuck. Your bike never was in the basement of the Alamo. And neither were the white supremacists. They were in your head all this time.
Chuckles. I used to be one of your lizard minions. ‘Member? 25,000+ comments? I remember when Reaganite, and Ann, and Rayra and Swampwoman got uppity and got banned. I took the position that this was your sandbox, and you were right to toss them. But they saw something that I didn’t see. It had to unravel more. They were right. I wee wee’ed up. But at least I’m willing to recognize my error. You used to be tolerant. Now you’re a liberal. And paranoid. And thin skinned. You’ve reduced a healthy debate to a hallelujah chorus.
You remind me of somebody. Is it Pee Wee? I mean you two both are way too into your bikes, not that there’s anything wrong with that. And you both are masters of your own fate, taking matters into your own hands.
No, that isn’t quite right. Elena Ceausescu, perhaps? I mean you both fancy yourselves scientists, and you are one tater short of a dictator. No….somebody else. Richard Nixon? I think I’m getting closer. He had an enemies list, and he was a liberal masquerading as a conservative, and he was a Dick.
Not quite. I got it. The thin skin, the paranoia, the megalomania. And he was a dick. You remind me of……Dan Rather.
I’m not going to miss this place. Make my day, Chuckles. Ban me.
And before I go, a special shout out to MandyRude.
This rant is copyleft2009, and may be freely used, in whole, with active links, and proper credit to Blogmocracy 2.0, www.theblogmocracy.com
[Caveat: In no way is this monograph comprehensive, nor is it intended to defame or otherwise impugn Charles Johnson, Little Green Footballs or anyone associated with any blog. Any and all conjecture should be intuitively obvious to the casual observer. This is not Wikipedia; however, if any readers find fault with this monograph, please leave comments with verifiable backup and we’ll correct factual errors.]
[Coming up: Part 5 – The Liberal Turnaround]
 Patterico’s Pontifications, 2 January 2010. Patterico’s response to Johnson for banning him in secret. http://patterico.com/2010/01/02/patterico-banned-at-lgf/
 “The sender of the email is a 73 year-old CDOT supervisor.” http://www.9news.com/news/story.aspx?storyid=129781&catid=339
 Patterico’s Pontifications, 1 January 2010 http://patterico.com/2010/01/01/charles-johnson-denounces-the-right-wing-racism-of-a-picture-forwarded-by-a-democrat/
 “Mr. Amadinejad Perfoms,” Charles Johnson, Little Green Footballs, 23 September 2010.
 Shortly afterward, Cato forwarded a longer screed to Diary of Daedalus, posted 4 February 2011, “Cato Speaks.” http://diaryofdaedalus.com/2011/02/04/cato-speaks/
 Earth2Moonbat’s flounce captured and posted here. http://www.theblogmocracy.com/2009/09/24/operation-chuckys-big-adventure/
[Updated links and title, fixed minor typos.–Ed]