Charles has a problem with reading comprehension

Charles says…

Rick Perry clarified the reason behind his attack on President Obama’s Middle East policies today; as a fanatical fundamentalist Christian, he must support Israel because the appearance of the Jewish state is supposed to signal the End Times and the second coming of Supply Side Jesus

Rick Perry actually said…

At one point, a reporter asked Perry how he views the Israeli-Palestinian conflict through the lens of his Christian faith. Perry replied by saying that as a “Christian,” he has a “clear directive to support Israel”:

PERRY: As a Christian I have a clear directive to support Israel, from my perspective its pretty easy both as an American and a Christian. I am going to stand with Israel.

http://thinkprogress.org/security/2011/09/20/323659/perry-christian-directive-israel/

Charles’ understanding of mainstream Christianity has always been lacking. Every time he makes a snide remark about Christian theology, Christian dogma and Christian practices, he’s actually insulting all three of the Abrahamic religions, including his beloved Islam.

The constitution has managed to stand up to all sorts of religious movements, ideas, apocryphal crazies, New Age guru’s, socialist, communists, horrific dictators and Amish drive by terrorists.

These kind of outbursts by Charles Johnson are the only thing sounding fanatical now a days.

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163 Comments on “Charles has a problem with reading comprehension”

  1. William Standish Knowels says:

    It’s not just his “…understanding of mainstream Christianity has always been lacking.”
    It’s more like his…understanding of __________________ has always been lacking.
    You fill in the blank.

  2. rightymouse says:

    Does this mean that Charles has thrown Israel under the bus?

    What an effing sh*t-head.

  3. beed says:

    Yeah, Perry is a shallow ass, supporting this and that because God told him to. Like Charles says: “I support the Israeli-Palestinian conflict because I have a deep understanding of the issues.” That may or may not be a direct quote.

    Thanks for posting, Zeusy!

  4. beed says:

    Other than divine love and forgiveness and eternal life, Christianity does not have much to show for.

  5. Zeus Crankypants says:

    beed :

    Yeah, Perry is a shallow ass, supporting this and that because God told him to. Like Charles says: “I support the Israeli-Palestinian conflict because I have a deep understanding of the issues.” That may or may not be a direct quote.

    Thanks for posting, Zeusy!

    Your welcome. I wasn’t sure I was going to get it up at all. Every time I tried to compose it, I got interrupted by some spam email from some dude wanting to take me out for a beer.

    • beed says:

      Funny that. I get spammed by an freakishly old Bulgarian who insist I wear a velvet robe and smoke a pipe with him in a sauna near Sofia.

      • Joost van den Vondel says:

        And you won’t because it’s not like you’re not gay or nothing? Europansy. You won’t know until you’ve had one at least three times.

    • dwells38 says:

      Zeus I don’t think that came out like you meant. You just said you weren’t sure you were going to get it up and dudes are wanting to take you out for beer.

      We may have to vote you out of the knuckledragging man club.

      Except the beer part. That’s OK.

  6. beed says:

    Is Obersturmfuher Chas into Al Franken now? Wow. He even made an 180 with his lacking sense of humor.

  7. snowcrash says:

    I got Rick Perry spam and this is copy pasted from the message:
    Israel is our oldest and strongest democratic ally in the Middle East. And yet, the Obama Administration seems intent on giving equal standing to the concerns of Israelis and Palestinians, including the orchestrators of terrorism.

    If you agree with me that there is no moral equivalency between our allies and those who seek their destruction, please take a moment to sign our petition supporting Israel.

    President Obama’s policy of appeasement has forced Israel into a position of weakness – which in turn, makes America less secure.

    As president, I will stand proudly with our international allies, put America’s interests first and project strength and stability to a world that desperately needs it.

    I

  8. Zeus Crankypants says:

    snowcrash :

    I got Rick Perry spam and this is copy pasted from the message:
    Israel is our oldest and strongest democratic ally in the Middle East. And yet, the Obama Administration seems intent on giving equal standing to the concerns of Israelis and Palestinians, including the orchestrators of terrorism.

    If you agree with me that there is no moral equivalency between our allies and those who seek their destruction, please take a moment to sign our petition supporting Israel.

    President Obama’s policy of appeasement has forced Israel into a position of weakness – which in turn, makes America less secure.

    As president, I will stand proudly with our international allies, put America’s interests first and project strength and stability to a world that desperately needs it.

    I

    Oh my goodness… he’s an out of control Christian. Head for the hills. Did you read all that apocryphal claptrap in that email? Next thing you know, Perry is going to call down fire and brimstone on Washington DC. Allah help us.

    • ISpeakJive says:

      Yeah, Perry can vanquish enemies….with his mind…..

    • dwells38 says:

      And he’s genuinely religious? And no intern blow-jobs after church on Sunday’s? Scary bad, off the rails, into the bushes and over the cliff right-wing lunacy stuff right there.

      I’m so much more comfortable with the ones who bash their heads into the floor five times a day and side with militant Hezbollah and Hamas against a neighboring successful, free and democratic society.

      I mean there’s got to be something wrong with a society that wants to limit you’re movement just because of a few tens of thousands of suicide bombings and shootings against non-militants!

      Seriously! Can’t we all just be friends as far as you know?

  9. Hugh G. Rection says:

    Charles has transferred his hatred from Islam to Christianity, from anti Zionists to Zionists. He is a classic prick.

    • dwells38 says:

      I agree with you on the classic prick point. But seriously LGF was not an Islam hatred site. Unless I missed that somehow. It was all about anti-Jihad. The violence and extremism. Islam’s fine as long as the adherents are peaceful which the majority are, although I think there needs to be an offical reform for safety purposes.

      That’s why this is so amazing and we’re all so convinced there’s no way he’s not honest now. Either someone bought him or put vice-grips on his nuts (female influence). Even if he’d been scared silly by a jihadist I would have expected him to just quit blogging rather than turn into a tree-hugging, pc goofball with a mean streak a mile wide.

  10. garycooper says:

    “Got Momma-laid! Get your sweet Momma-laid, rightchere! “

  11. beed says:

    Yeah, Perry will be a one-termer. He’ll bring forth the Thousand Year Kingdom within his first trimester, and you can’t really call yourself the Prez if Jesus is around.

  12. garycooper says:

    Clearly, Perry is a dangerous Christian zealot, much worse than the Right Reverend Jeremiah A. “God Damn America” Wright.

  13. garycooper says:

    Cheesus loves me, this I know,
    For the Bible tells me so.

    http://tinyurl.com/3tr5sla

  14. Roger says:

    The Bible is very clear. It isn’t “the appearance of the Jewish state” but when the abomination that causes desolation appears on a wing of the temple mount, there are 1335 years until the next renewing of the earth; a new beginning where humans will no longer be governed by nations because they will have failed us.

  15. Pakimon says:

    It’s been standard procedure for years for politicians on both sides to play some form of the “as a Christian and an American” card.

    Now all of a sudden certain folks get hysterical and with their panties tightly bunched start wailing and snarking about how “he/she is a shallow creationist ass out to ban butt sex and make us go to church and make us get jobs and pray to Jesus and blah, blah, etc.”

    Of course it’s only a crisis when a Republican/Conservative plays the “Christian and an American” card because *gasp* what if they actually mean it?!?!

    Democrats/liberals can play that card with abandon because we all know they are lying sacks of shit don’t really mean it so it’s ok.

    It’s a lot of squealing about nothing.

    By the way, I’m not picking on beed. We all know he’s not a Christian so it’s all good as long as he can sacrifice the occasional reindeer to Odin. (Or Freyja if he’s in the mood to “knock boots” and hopes she’ll supply him with a suitable wench)

    • beed says:

      Heh. Don’t be fooled. I’m down with JC.

    • Beau Nerd says:

      Beed would rather sacrifice pickled moose with apple jelly.

    • beed says:

      If I had to sacrifice something, I’d sacrifice the following, in preferred order, according to the level of damage it does to my soul or body:

      1. Tobacco
      2. Mother in law

      Just two things, really.

      • Beau Nerd says:

        Tobacco is related to belladonna. And tomatoes. Watch out for the attack of the killer tomatoes.

      • rightymouse says:

        That’s funny.

        I had to give up smoking two years ago when I had a stroke.
        But I have the best MIL a gal could ask for.

      • rightymouse says:

        Smoking also causes plaque in your arteries to get sticky so if you have plaque due to cholesterol, nasty things could happen. Just sayin’.

      • dwells38 says:

        No way that could happen to me rightymouse. I’m not crazy enough to smoke because I’m really health conscious. I have really great plaque due to all the booze I drink.

        Obviously I’m kidding (and a dumbass for drinking too often). Hope you’re doing well and feeling good after recovering from the stroke.

  16. snowcrash says:

    Perry is dangerous because he believes in smaller government. That is what this is all about. Charles can’t come out and say what is really important to him as he enters old age, so he pretends a candidates religion is the important issue. Very bigoted of him.

    • Beau Nerd says:

      Perry’s dangerous because he’s an ex-donkey. And we all remember what happened last time we elected an ex-donkey.

      • rightymouse says:

        I’m an ex-donkey. We ain’t all opportunists. I’d like to vet Perry before making a judgement solely on what he used to be. Reagan was an ex-donkey too.

      • snowcrash says:

        righty, I am too. I’m not all in on Perry yet. The mudslinging is a preview of how dirty the campaign will get. There is nothing Obama’s supporters won’t do to get him re elected. At least it will give us plenty to talk about.

      • rightymouse says:

        I hear ya. One of my buddies is warning about Perry’s track record on illegal immigration for starters. That said, he must be doing something right to keep getting elected. He’s got more executive experience than Barry, had/has, that’s for sure.

      • dwells38 says:

        If I’m not mistaken your joke is that our last ex-donkey was Ronald Reagan. One of the greatest Republican presidents and presidents period we have had. Good point.

  17. Barondymphna says:

    OT: Where has ChenZhen/Minotaur gone to?

  18. beed says:

    I don’t have a problem with reading comprehension. I read ‘comprehension’ just fine.
    – Charles Johnson, 2011

  19. rightymouse says:

    Off-topic, but a lib friend is gloating about this. Anyone got the inside track?

    http://news.yahoo.com/alexander-gop-leaders-thanks-no-thanks-223425967.html

  20. snowcrash says:


    It’s funny for 10 sec.

  21. swamprat says:

    more lgf buffoonery;

    This statement from expresident Clinton;

    “I mean, it makes us — we look like a joke, right?”

    From http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0911/63942.html#ixzz1YXrfGDFx

    Has this “misleading”(!!!???) headline:

    “Impeached President Says Global Warming Deniers Embarrass America.”

    WOW! Clinton’s words and meaning really got twisted by THAT headline!

    How dare they!

    It’s like he is trying to discredit himself.

  22. swamprat says:

    Spamdingo ate my post

  23. swamprat says:

    try again;

    Actual News Headline vs. Fox News Headline
    That special Fox slant on the news
    Charles Johnson
    Wingnuts • Tue Sep 20, 2011 at 1:34 pm PDT • Views: 3,992
    From Politico: Bill Clinton scorches GOP field on climate change

    “At Fox Nation, this is transmuted into talking point instructions for the right wing base:” Impeached President Says Global Warming Deniers Embarrass America.

    Ok, so what did expresident say that was so wrongfully twisted by FOX News?

    Here is the grossly misinterpeted quote that FOX News.

    Clinton said, and I quote;

    “I mean, it makes us — we look like a joke, right?”

    Now does that sound like Clinton is saying that global warming deniers embarrass America?

    Well,yes. Yes it does.

    Shhh. Nobody over there tell Charles. He might ban you, ya,know?

    • Beau Nerd says:

      Bill who?

    • dwells38 says:

      And the perfect refutation on Weazel Zippers today:

      Hey, Bill, you know what else makes America look like a joke? A sitting president getting a blow job from a chubby intern while in the Oval Office then lying about it under oath.

      http://weaselzippers.us/2011/09/20/serial-adulterer-bill-clinton-gop-global-warming-skeptics-make-america-look-like-a-joke/

      And my addition:
      And then getting your cabinet to lie about it and then getting impeached and losing your law license. And then having a democrat activist who has nothing to gain or sell step forward and reveal you raped her in a hotel room while biting her lip to hold her down. Brilliant dude! Who wants to lose their lip? Better to give it up and suck it up. Anyway it’s for the party. They always point out how smart you are!

      But you’re cool man, really you’re cool. Tina Fey wants to f*ck you! You know that pockmarked chick from SNL? You don’t even have to bite her!! She’ll bite you

  24. Charles should refrain from making statements about Christianity since it is obvious that he does not understand the first thing about it. Everything he knows is a distortion, an outright lie, or a cliche and it makes him appear stupid and bigoted.

    • Minnow says:

      huh? You mean he isn’t?????

    • swamprat says:

      It’s as if his only source of knowledge of Christianity came from those who hate Christians.

      But then, he acts as if all conservatives stepped off the pages of some leftwing blog.

      He tends to think in terms of stereotypes anyway.. Except when it comes to muslims; then each and every one must be judged on seperate terms as a unique and special snowflake. But all Christians, conservatives, Republicans and rightwingers of any stripe are idiots and loons who can not be trusted to to think, act, or govern rationally because of the inherent lunacy that grips their brains due to the burden of the illogical persuasion that malignantly guides their every thought and deed.

      No one is sane, to him, unless they be liberal, democrat, atheist, or all three.

      • Minnow says:

        funny… I was half way through your response and I said (in my mind – because I am sitting in the library and wouldn’t want to disturb anyone) – the man’s insane.

      • dwells38 says:

        Except for the one in office right now. He only trusts Christians whom he thinks aren’t genuine. He inexplicably and moronically trusts liars.

  25. William Standish Knowels says:

    Jameshitcat used to get his schooling from Dork_Fowlcum. It’s good to see others take him under their wing.

    “300 Obdicut Tue, Sep 20, 2011 5:47:40pm 1 down up report

    re: #297 jamesfirecat

    Also, that site looks sketchy as fuck. Sanitize your interwebs.”

    Shitcat was MIA till Tue, Sep 20, 2011 6:18:28pm on the following thread. His interwebs must not have been too unsanitary.

  26. Minnow says:

    Hey Slumbering Douchebag…. that was 235 years ago… (cough)

  27. Minnow says:

    Honestly…. what is it that creeps into the mind of a progressive that seems to endow him/her with this blessed all-knowing power?

    Excuse me – but you are all full of shit.

  28. Bunk X says:

    QUICK! SOMEBODY STEP ON ZEUS’ POST! IT’S GOT OVER 30 COMMENTS!

    • garycooper says:

      I like this post, Zeus, but it’s no “ProLifeLibturd.” That one was a real gem, with staying-power. This one, I don’t know if it’s going to be able to hang. Bunk wants it to hasten down the wind, already. I just hope Daedalus is okay.

    • Beau Nerd says:

      DIE, THREAD, DIE!!!

      • Bunk X says:

        Some petulant pissant sent this over the mojo wire:

        “Did the DoD just bend over and die? If so, that last post was not exactly like ending on a high note. Some might even say it was the shittiest requiem ever, but then again, CIAJ wuold hav eloved eat.”
        To which I responded:

        “Look what ##### *ahem* Zeus did. Follow in his footsteps. Grab some screenshots, save them as .png files or whatever, write up some shit, email it to the admins, and STFU. This is a gorp effort.”

  29. Minnow says:

    ….and of course, then there’s “windupqueer” – so full of himself that he cannot see straight (play on words).

    Windupqueer – you are a sick dude and should check in to the closest available mental ward.

    If you haven’t been clued in – you are about 11…. and you need someone to take care of you.

  30. Minnow says:

    and for spacedouchebag… the twenty two year old sage…. HAH.

    Thank you for your pronouncement that China is a problem… gee – we would never have guessed…

    • Beau Nerd says:

      China is only a problem because they pissed all over the green jobs buzz.

      • Minnow says:

        in their minds perhaps… which (of course) reflects limited scope… Chunk I don’t expect you to comprende this – go back to your Chimay…

      • Bunk X says:

        Rats. Cooking them up takes less energy than doing it with sheep, goats, pigs or cows, (and I don’t want to do it with sheep, goats, pigs or cows. I’m more concerned with global warping).

    • dwells38 says:

      Wow. In only 20 years he found out about China! Thank our lucky stars his mommy and daddy had teh internets. If only you’d been here in the 50’s, 60’s, 70’s, 80’s, 90’s and aughts.

  31. Minnow says:

    Ha-ha… Lidane pulling a windupqueer…. so cute.

  32. Minnow says:

    what a mental fiesta over ther – FatAss must be gloating….

  33. Minnow says:

    there – (crucify me)

  34. Minnow says:

    oh hoops

    hey you!

    (puke)

  35. Minnow says:

    re: #108 Dark_Falcon

    I cannot answer that. If I were gay, I’d likely be a significantly different person, and many of the events that influenced my life might have gone differently. I cannot speak to what my state of mind would have become in that case, and therefore I cannot answer.

    You need to rethink that one, DF.

    Just sayin’…

    Celtic Dragon has comments on this one? Hooooooo Boy.

    • William Standish Knowels says:

      Dork_Fowlcum is NOT gay?
      *starts google search. thinking: ‘where did I miss that?’*

    • Calo says:

      *sigh* DF is not teh gay Minnow. I know these things.

      DF and I have had a friend thing going on right from the start of DoD.
      Which is extremely cool about him and I. But lately it seems like things are wanting to go a little farther. Well, then I ask DF, why not?

      It’s always good hanging out with DF and posting stuff on DoD he can report back to LGF. I know I can pretty much tell him anything and it gets back there – a wonderful and rare reality live time cross-blogging on the net we share. So, Dark_Falcon, when I think about you and me being more than online friends, it’s so easy. Just real. Just right. And I thought it was just about time for one of us to say so.

    • William Standish Knowels says:

      If I were a banana slug, I’d likely be a significantly different slimy thing than I am now, and many of the events that influenced my life might have gone some what differently. I cannot speak to what my state of mind would have become in that case, but if I could find just a touch of KKKalegoreTrout kale, well, you get the picture.

  36. Minnow says:

    Celtic Retard may have been a better choice of “username” honey (and I use THAT term rather loosely)

  37. Minnow says:

    Again Obdicunt…. you have shown yourself to be so lacking in your ability to read the Engrish language…..

    Why do you keep putting everyone through this pointless question and answer thing?

    Dumb-ass.

  38. Minnow says:

    this is profoundly sad… Floral Vagina begging Hoosier-Who-the-Hell-Am-I for a phone call.

    Hey Floral (Waves)….

    He doesn’t WANT TO.

  39. Minnow says:

    Hey Windupqueer (who ISN’T black by the way)

    Fiscal conservatives are NOT easily bought no matter what your drug-addled mind believes.

  40. Minnow says:

    the height of arrogance (courtesy of Obdicunt)

    re: #179 Dark_Falcon

    The frustrating think about you, Dark, is not that your an ideologue, but that it’s not even your ideology. It’s someone else’s, that you’re just repeating. That’s very, very odd to me. I can’t imagine doing that, myself. Just passing on, uncritically, an instruction from another.

    Why not have him/her poke their head in here and see if they can manage to sustain their argument?

    Hey Obdicunt – why don’t you do EVERYONE a favor and stick YOUR head up your ass?

    • William Standish Knowels says:

      Hey Obdicunt – why don’t you do EVERYONE a favor and STFU?

      • Bunk X says:

        /obdi on/
        Have you even read anything I posted? Have you clicked the links? I wonder if you even know what a mouse is. Excuse me for a moment while I take my spats off and pull this fork out of my ass.
        /obdi off/

  41. dwells38 says:

    Hey Obdicunt – why don’t you do EVERYONE a favor and stick YOUR head up your ass?

    I think you mean PULL your head out of your ass. Either that or grow a window in your abdomen 🙂

  42. pat says:

    I think CJ has gone insane. He is playing chess with himself. A game that has no meaning nor any end.

  43. William Standish Knowels says:

    Chess? No. Maybe, maybe, checkers.
    For Chunk, understanding chess would be like “…understanding of mainstream Christianity.”
    Too complicated.

  44. ISTE says:

    Barondymphna :
    OT: Where has ChenZhen/Minotaur gone to?

    Hi,

    Chen is busy working, or that is what he tells us. personally I think he is in jail.

    (Wondering why his e-mail address changed to Chen@guest.of.the.departement.of.corrections.gov)

  45. ISTE says:

    I thought the last thread was The Swan Song? Then someone posts another thread, what is the deal?

    If I had known we were carrying on I wouldn’t have posted the video of the poof in tights.

  46. ISTE says:

    Dork_Falcon has been spying on us again.

    247 Dork_Falcon
    Tue, Sep 20, 2011 10:00:39pm

    And I just checked in on the Stalkers. Nothing to report, just Internet Howler Monkeys flinging poo.

    So, he calls us “Howler Monkeys” and accuses us of “flinging poo”. Flinging, as in throwing, as in pitching.

    So Dork, how about we discuss this.

    108 Dark_Falcon
    Tue, Sep 20, 2011 8:49:50pm
    re: #104 WindUpBird

    Just curious, would you vote for a guy like Perry if you were gay?

    if you knew he was specifically organizing people (under the banner of Christ of course) who wanted you dead or imprisoned?

    Just curious!

    I cannot answer that. If I were gay, I’d likely be a significantly different person, and many of the events that influenced my life might have gone differently. I cannot speak to what my state of mind would have become in that case, and therefore I cannot answer.

    WindUpBird is asking Dork to pretend to be gay. I don’t know if WindUpBird is wanting a one night stand or a more permanent thing.

    Dork_Falcon explains…

    167 Dark_Falcon
    Tue, Sep 20, 2011 9:21:46pm

    re: #152 celticdragon

    You need to rethink that one, DF.

    Just sayin’…

    What I was saying is that I can’t be sure how much differently my life would have gone if I were gay. Some of it is also that in my interactions in real life I’m so asexual that it scarcely makes a difference as to my sexual orientation. Being gay might have meant I did not end up with this attitude.

    So, I think we should have a poll. Dork showed interest in us tonight so it is only fair we return the favour.

    Poll Question.

    “If Dork_Falcon were gay would he be…”

    1, A pitcher

    or

    2, A catcher.

    (I vote for number 2)

    • Lord Nazh says:

      Have yet to meet the Christian (real, not internet-type) that wants gay people dead or in prison…

      I wonder just who wub hangs out with o.O

      • ISTE says:

        There are always extremists to be found on any subject. What pisses me off is that Little Green Footballs they tar all Christians with the same brush. then say that it is the norm.

    • ISTE says:

      Dork runs away and goes to bed to dream of being gay.

      275 Dark_Falcon
      Tue, Sep 20, 2011 10:37:56pm

      Goodnight, all.

      If you suddenly dream of a large chicken giving you a hug, wake up really quick! (it may not be a dream….)

      Nite Dork.

    • gizbot7 says:

      Catcher. But WTF is this about? Good Lord these people are royally jacked up. Maybe we pinged the wrong lizard as a potential serial killer?

      I’m so asexual that it scarcely makes a difference as to my sexual orientation

    • Bunk X says:

      “If I were gay, I’d likely be a significantly different person.”
      – Dark Falcon 20 September 2011

      Lol City, that. Just can’t top it.

      • Bunk X says:

        Heh. Okay, I’ll give it a shot. Translation:

        “If I were gay, I’d likely frequent LGF and pretend to be black just like my dress-uppy friend WUB.”

        “If I were gay, I’d be a significant other to someone who has had a p**** in his mouth at least once.”

        “If I were gay, I’d likely enjoy someone else’s p**** up my posterior.”

    • poteen says:

      3. Poutin’ Lion

    • William Standish Knowels says:

      “What I was saying is that I can’t be sure how much differently my life would have gone if I were gay. Some of it is also that in my interactions in real life I’m so asexual that it scarcely makes a difference as to my sexual orientation. Being gay might have meant I did not end up with this attitude. ”

      Now. Am I to understand that the Dork is like…an orchid? If that’s the case, isn’t being like a flower kind of ghey in and of it’s self (not that being, say…a Venus Fly Trap aint kind of butch)?
      Night Dork. Snap. Snap.

  47. Lord Nazh says:

    ISTE :
    There are always extremists to be found on any subject. What pisses me off is that Little Green Footballs they tar all Christians with the same brush. then say that it is the norm.

    Hence the ‘real’ part of my post 🙂

  48. beed says:

    I don’t think Dark Falcon is gay. That’s just an unsubstansiated rumor. If he were gay, he would be in a totally different state of mind, like a lot more wishy washy on the issues and maybe better dressed and he would use words like ‘fabulous’ and ‘quite concur’ more often. Also, he would not be able to participate on the intense late night threads over at the old place, because he would be busy having dirty dirty anal sexiness every night.

    He would not have been a pitcher, though.

    • garycooper says:

      I quite concur, Beed. Dark Falcon is not gay, and if he was, he’d be adorned with “the tools of ignorance.” He’d be a catcher, assuming the position every night.

  49. beed says:

    Bunk is not gay either, by the way. That rumor has to stop.

    • beed says:

      A lot of people ask me about this, mainly due to Bunk’s referring to other men as “pretty and witty and wild”, but I tell them not to get humpy, because that’s just a West Side Story reference.

  50. beed says:

    And for the record: There is nothing wrong with being gay. The pooper can be a place of intense joy for some, and we should not let a little confusion over plumbing come between us. In many ways, gays are superior to us straight people, because they get laid all the time and know how to dress for dinner and pronounce the S as a SZ or X, as in BunkSZ.

  51. garycooper says:

    Superior prolapsed-rectums, hanging like sleeve of wizard. Superior inflated scrotal-sacs. Superior taste in all matters requiring taste, aside from music. Superior parades, especially way out West. Superior diction, with well-rounded vowels and clear sibilants.

    • Bunk X says:

      You definitely need to put up a thread here.

    • ISTE says:

      And costumes, and feathers and nice smelly bath salts and quiche.

      • ISTE says:

        However, where I come from it is called “Bacon and egg pie” and that is what real men eat. It has a crust on top.

        A bacon and egg pie differs from a quiche most notably the absence of cheese and milk and the presence of an upper crust. The pie also tends to have a heavier texture and feel, and is generally high in calories.

      • Bunk X says:

        TO BALTIMORE!

      • ISTE says:

        Bunk X :
        TO BALTIMORE!

        AND BEYOND! *woooosh*

        I was trying to read a book and relax before bed but oh no, you had to get searching….

        http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0114709/quotes

        (Laser envy.. LOL)

      • Bunk X says:

        Please tell Beed I was joking. He’s hunkered down in the corner beating his brains out on a Hello Kitty pillow.

      • ISTE says:

        Bunk, Beed is probably at work now. I know I would be if I had a job.

      • beed says:

        I’m trying to read through the tears in my eyes, but I can’t see nothing. Just as well. Probably just another mean and hurtful comment from the black cat.

        I think I’ll leave the DoD. Forever.

      • ISTE says:

        beed :
        I’m trying to read through the tears in my eyes, but I can’t see nothing. Just as well. Probably just another mean and hurtful comment from the black cat.
        I think I’ll leave the DoD. Forever.

        Just a quick question though…

        What colour is your Hello Kitty pillow?

        Mine is pink.

      • Bunk X says:

        I hate Hello Kitty. Just look at how it can take you down, with no warning.

      • beed says:

        I don’t have my Hello Kitty pillow at work. I do, however, have a giant penis composed of three balloons on my desk, made by my friend and co-worker. The balls are green and the shaft is pink. I never understood it was a giant penis until my 60+ female boss pointed to it and said “oh, nice”.

        (true)

      • Bunk X says:

        Dang. I just remembered that I have to get up some time tomorrow. I’m on balloon duty.

    • poteen says:

      Obdicut’s resume’?

  52. ISTE says:

    Aw shit!

    Charles is still awake.

    294 Charles
    Tue, Sep 20, 2011 11:33:33pm

    Look out. The wingnut blogs are foaming at the mouth again.

    Apparently, pointing out Rick Perry’s fanatical Christian Zionism makes me an anti-Semite, who is probably going to end up murdering homeless people.

    Yep! They really are writing stuff like that tonight. Morons.

    We were just joking around in here and killing time before we rolled out the berry picker.

    Looks like tonight we get the night off.

    Charles is getting sneaky and unpredictable…

  53. Pakimon says:

    All weekend the unspoken buzz over at The Swamp was “There hasn’t been any new posts over at the Stalker Blog! Could it be that the mocking and ridicule is finally over?!”

    Dork_Falcon keeps a watchful eye and periodically gives King Chunkles status reports.

    “It’s been three days and still no new posts your majesty!”

    Emperor HiroCheeto leans to the side, lifting a massive butt cheek and lets fly with a loud baritone honk while waving his hand in a gesture of curt dismissal. and barks “Keep watching!”

    Dork_Falcon nods his his head in meek obedience, curtsies and backs out of the room with his eyes watering from the foul stench filling the air.

    Outside of the throne room, Obdicut shouts out, Hey Dork! Did His Majesty make you cry again?”

    Dork dabs a paper towel to his eyes and replies, “I think someone’s tampering with Charles’ candy bars. The stench of his flatulence is getting worse with each passing day!”

    Obdicut pounces on this feeble sign of temerity by The Dorkster and begins his inquiry.

    “Why would you say that?!”

    “Do you really mean that?!”

    “Do you have any proof?!”

    WUB, over in the corner taking a scrub brush to the numerous stains of dubious origin on the backside of his costume notes Dork’s discomfiture and takes pity on the trembling, bewildered man-child.

    “Three thing Dork er, Dark.”

    “First, they aren’t candy bars, they’re nutrition bars.”

    “Second, His Majesty’s flatulence is to be called the Royal Brown Notes of Jazz Fusion.”

    Third, the stench er, smell of The Royal Brown Notes of Jazz Fusion is to be referred to as Essence de la Charles.”

    The Dorkster bobs his head in understanding and slinks back to The Stalker Blog to continue his vigilance…

    (continued later, maybe)

    • ISTE says:

      Being totally honest here…

      I used to monitor Little Green Footballs constantly looking for funny/controversial/weird stuff that I could either post a comment on or E-mail it to the admins so they could do a post.

      Now I find myself just reading here and if something is worth a look over at LGF then I go and look.

      Anyone that did not know the history of Little Green Footballs would not even give the site a second glance. The place is boring.

      • beed says:

        I wouldn’t call it boring. I’d say it is deadening, drilling, dull, ho-hum, irksome, oil production, slow, tedious, tiresome, uninteresting – or maybe wearisome – but not boring.

    • garycooper says:

      “Plumpin’ Fatasz,
      It’s a gas, gas, gas!”

  54. PeteP says:

    Lgf is now not only post 9-11, but also post pro-Israel.

  55. OldLineTexan says:

    ISTE :

    Barondymphna :OT: Where has ChenZhen/Minotaur gone to?

    Hi,
    Chen is busy working, or that is what he tells us. personally I think he is in jail.
    (Wondering why his e-mail address changed to Chen@guest.of.the.departement.of.corrections.gov)

    Maybe #AttackWatch got him. Maybe.